To have run the petrol down to 40 miles left

Don't see it as people getting angry with you. I think it is more people being angry for you. From the outside, these situations are clearly highly toxic, but maybe when you are living it, it becomes your normality. Every LTB, is a post in support of you, not a post getting at you.

When I bought my latest car, it showed 0 miles leaving the dealership. I had 4 miles to go to the petrol station…made it, too. So I really was ticked off I’d given them nearly half a tank of fuel with the trade in 🤣

My eldest was 18 by the time I left…he wished I’d left when he was born lol, middle was 14 and has hated his father and grandparents all his life. I tried to leave 10 years earlier but my in laws had taken the only vehicle and I really didn’t know where I’d have gone if it had been there. I just had to get away. They were shocked to come back to me with bags packed and promised things would change and because I had no money, I agreed to stay. Still, I did find a wee job, menial and paying little enough my OH no longer felt threatened. He thought he’d cut off all escape routes. Then my Dad came through and helped me leave. Surprising because I hardly knew him other than to exchange Christmas cards, but my brother had spoken to him. So eldest would have been 8 first time I tried. Youngest was 4 when I left. He ended up with the best relationship with his dad because he wasn’t living there, only visits, getting spoiled lol…

It isn’t easy and I’ve done it twice. First time took me 10 years , because I had children I wouldn’t leave, but he’d never allowed me to have a paying job. I had to work in the family businesses so no money, nowhere to go. My eldest always says he wishes I’d left earlier, much earlier. The children all needed to be out of that situation. it definitely scarred them, being in the same house as him.
Second took less time, but he had my money and I wasn’t leaving without it. Eventually, he felt secure because I’d married him, he put a large sum in my bank account and I used it to secretly buy a house and move out when he was at a meeting. No children.

It’s not easy. The first step is realising that’s the end goal, though, that he is a problem and it won’t get better.
After that, it depends on assets and children as much as anything else. So whatever you do, whenever you do it or not, best of luck.
No one has the right to get angry at you. I think most people on here care and are frustrated for you, perhaps, but it’s your life.

Haven't read the whole thread but I often end up leaving my car running on fresh air to fuel up 🤦🏻‍♀️ he'd have a fit if he was married to me.

My car did 36 miles from having 0 miles on the range, i know because i broke down 😆 he's definitely being unreasonable

@BellesAndGraces good question. I think a combination of eroded self esteem, finances, being a carer for ex's family member and my own family being far away. I just wasn't ready to face leaving.
In the end, my family moved back to UK, ex was clearly cheating but gaslighting the fuck out of me and all the LTBs comments from previous threads started stacking up in my brain. So my point is that it all helped me in the end, just maybe at a frustratingly slow pace for a bunch of strangers on MN.
I am now in a much happier place thank you x

Thanks for explaining.

Because I do the things I have to do - and suffer later. I can absolutely get petrol, I just have to psyche myself up for it. My husband loves me enough to do these things for me so it's one less thing for me to worry about.
My inattentive-ness presents in incompletion of tasks (i.e. I will load the washer but forget to turn it on, or turn it on then forget to take the washing out for three days)

We’ve got an EV. Range anxiety is most definitely a thing 😂 DH only just made it home yesterday so 40 miles is absolutely fine.

How does inattentive ADHD work with driving? I understand you can choose (or not) to get petrol, but driving can be unpredictable.

40 miles is loads of petrol / diesel.
I don't think I have ever put petrol in the car unless the light has come on.
I think it is because when I first starting driving I never had any money and was always trying to make it until pay day before filling up, and now that habit has stuck.
FIL was a very anxious person though and thought driving with the petrol light on was terrible so DP is the opposite and will always fill up when the gauge is halfway.

I have a really old car 1996 and at 40 miles I would consider it full. I wouldn't want it stolen and the amount of petrol to be more than the worth of the car

Nothing wrong at all, but I would have told him at the time that you didn't stop due to kids and there's not loads left so he can leave 5 mins earlier the next time he uses the car.

Why did you defend your ex or refuse to leave but keep posting? I hope you’re in a happier place.

OP, I just wanted you to know that I posted about my ugly marriage under different names for three years. Three years of LTBs. I kept NC because I was worried people would get sick of it and turn on me for not taking the advice given. Often people would become frustrated in threads as I defended my ex or plainly refused to leave. Sometimes I would give away too many details and worry about outing myself.
The point is, it doesn't matter whether you take the advice instantly, save it up for another day or use it to find a way to improve life as it is. Getting it off your chest is the most important thing.

I have inattentive ADHD and getting petrol is often too much for me to process. I often allow hubby the use of my car (it's newer and faster than his) so he'll generally top my tank up.
Yesterday he offered to drive my car to which my reply was obviously yes.....if he was able to fill up for me.

I did fill his car up for him once when I went to Costco, I'm not a total monster 😂

Oh poor you. If you leave again (and I think you should) please don't fall into the trap of comparing your new strange unsettled situation to how things used to be when you were with him. You compare being with him against how things will be in 6 months. In 2 years. In 5, 10 years. Compare this life forever against a brand new one you can create yourself.

How does the amount of fuel in your tank impact the economy?
Is it because if the increase weight of the car? How much does 20 or 30 miles of fuel weigh?

Far too early to fill up if you want good fuel economy. My warning light comes on at 50 miles but my miles left will vary for a while. I usually start worrying at 20 miles. I find that usually when I refill I've at least three litres left in my car which is about thirty miles - even if it's telling me I've only twenty miles left.

I would say it's a good idea to have enough fuel to get to A&E in the night if you needed to though.

I wouldn't have relied on the miles to empty as in my car it changes a lot depending on whether you're driving on the motorway or in town, plus I really would not have wanted to break down with two kiddies in the car, so I would have filled up. However, you made it, so no need for him to make a song and dance out of it.

I filled my car up on 1 mile left last week, simply because I couldn't afford to buy petrol until payday! So I don't think 40 is unreasonable in the slightest.