To ask if people hate you because you’re “real?”

Being yourself can be a good thing - people can sense a fake and don’t like it - but that’s not the same as being rude.

Theres no excuse to be rude or insulting to people and to my mind that’s different to being “real”.

This!!! A million times, this.

There's a saying about honey and vinegar which applies here. Something about attracting more flies with honey?

Haha, maybe not for long.

OP can dish it out but can she take it?

If you cannot say something nice, don't say anything at all
Less said soonest mended
Discretion is the better part of valour
Speech is silver but silence is golden

If you 'don't believe in sugar coating things just to avoid conflict', then don't be surprised if you find yourself in conflict. This is obvious, no?

I think people's upset reactions to you being "honest and genuine" are honest and genuine in themselves. So now who isn't reacting well to people being genuine?

I prefer more charm tbh😄

Sugar coating is just a part of being polite.

Awww how sweet. Maybe you can private message the OP. You can be best buddies.

THIS! ^ I have never met a nice, kind 'tell it like it is' person. They're always nasty, spiteful, and unkind. What baffles me is why they think anyone gives a shit about their coarse opinions.

Similarly, people who say they don’t suffer fools are just mean, in my opinion.

I like this

It's really hard to say without context and depends if I want your opinion or not. My mom kept repeating her unsolicited opinion regarding a situation with my kid and I was furious. But this was partly bc she kept saying the same thing over and over in an inarticulate way and I didn't want to hear it.

Otherwise if you're someone I respect I'll probably be glad to hear your opinion, but obviously unwanted opinions aren't always going to go over well for everyone.

ByPithyRoseReader

I am not going to read all the posts here but OP I think you and me would get on well!! :)

I wouldn’t take pride in being real. In a civilised society we balance the need for honesty with the need to consider the effects of our words on others.
Obv. If you are autistic, it might be harder to see how being direct affects others, but generally speaking, being real can equate to being thoughtless.

There’s two types of ‘say it how it is people’

people who do just say it as it is without having to announce they’re one of those people

people who pride themselves on ‘saying it as it is’ no my dear you’re just rude

@ByPithyRoseReader, I think you are a common denominator person. You go round blissfully unaware as you give your (totally unasked and uncalled for) opinion on others' shortcomings and wonder why everyone gets upset and starts avoiding you. After all, you were only being honest so it's everyone else who has the problem and it happens time and again. There must be a common denominator in all this. It's time for you to take on board the excellent advice you have been given here and act on it.

You have to decide whether your principles are more important than friendship, I guess? You’ve admitted that people don’t seem to like your approach of ‘not sugar coating’, and if you’re ok with potentially upsetting people going forwards, then you should carry on as you are. If alienating people is something you don’t want to happen however, you need to be more mindful of what you say, and how you say it.

I OP are possibly like you. I think a directness is better than beating about the bush. Examples, friend tries a dress on, "no it looks unflattering, I think you would look better in a x cut/style". This prevents your friend from looking dreadful and being slated behind her back. Work are we going to achieve this deliverable? No because of XYZ not being aligned. Therefore situations can be amended to meet the ultimate goal. I have been taken to task for being short, but I argue No I am being straight. Problem is OP some people take honesty as being unkind. My belief is that honesty is easier to deal with or sugar coating and untruths that come back to bote you on the arse. Keep it real.

People use being real as a way to be cruel and get away with it

You know full well if what your saying is hurtful to someone op

They say if you don't have some thing good to say, its better to stay quiet. Some times its better to pass the buck, and let some one else answer it.

Most people who are honest are very blunt and it borders on / or is rude a lot of the time. Being honest and having some tact is a skill, just blatantly saying something with zero tact is rude and will not make you any friends

Agreed about the pleasantries and also just more generally - where possible - try to add a bit of humour/ levity. Could be as simple as e.g. someone is talking bollocks about something and you raise your eyebrows with a smile rather than a scowl. Turn the “real” feedback into a shared joke rather than an overt criticism. Obviously doesn’t work in all circumstances but can in plenty.

People should absolutely be ‘real’ or whatever you want to call it. But, equally you need to realise that others might just not like your opinions or personality. You have every right to be honest and they have every right to dislike you.