How to make 8 yo learn to pee at break during school

Are you sure the problem is too much playing? My DD is 13 and struggles horribly with school toilets.

• They smell
• They are noisy - there are lots of people in there, hand-dryers
• The other kids do silly things like banging on the door / turning off the lights

It was enough that she stopped drinking in school so as to avoid the toilets but wouldn't tell me what the problem was.

But its not training a child to go for a wee at set times.
Its taking the opportunity to go for a wee at a time thats appropriate and won't disturb other things.
As adults we all know its wise to pop to the loo before a meeting starts rather than end up desperate halfway through?
And everyone reminds their kids to go to the loo before going on a car journey?

This situation is akin to you giving your child the option to go the loo at the services, them saying no, then announcing they need a wee 10 minutes later.
Understandable in a 4 or 5 year old, but by 8 you hope they are making better choices.
Schools constantly say to kids, take the opportunity to go to the loo at break?

Absolutely this.

I feel awful for this little boy. OP claims he has no bladder issues, but she cannot know that. He's also only 8 and at school all day. I don't blame him for not wanting to give up his playtime. He should be able to go to the toilet when he needs it, even if it's during a lesson.

I am not being funny but many schools manage this because they respect human rights.

I attended one my children attend two they aren't anomalies. The world has yet to combust.

I can't understand the need to restrict humans from access to toilets. When others manage it without issues.

The bigger issue here is that this is a massive overreaction to a problem that is not uncommon amongst school children. They don't want to go to the toilet because they're too busy having fun and/or the toilets are disgusting and/or teachers get fed up with children losing instruction time to use toilets outside breaks.

Look at the language OP (YourLastNerve, cmon!) uses in this post about how she's fuming about sniffing out her kid for a drop of wee in pants every day, alongside massive calls for "maturity" for an 8 year old boy. It all just suggests she just needs to chill out a bit...

Sounds like he might have under-responsive interoception awareness when it comes to his bladder.

Imagine that interoception is like a tree that runs through our body, each branch connecting to a different internal signal (hunger, thirst, full bladder, full bowels, tiredness, pain, temperature, heart rate, emotions etc). Some people feel the body cue really intensely and it’s hard to ignore, the signal is very loud and distracting so we are sensitive to that internal feeling. Others can be under-responsive so the signal is very quiet and difficult to register/easy to ignore until it builds to an intensity that’s difficult to ignore eg; not needing the toilet and then suddenly needing it/ having accidents. Not feeling hungry, prioritising other things and then wham - hangry!!, forgetting to drink water until extremely thirsty/ headaches, not registering how warm you feel until you’re sweating and really uncomfortable.

It could be that his signal for toileting is just not very loud, so it doesn’t feel to him that he needs to go. If it’s easy to ignore through playing with his friends then the signal clearly isn’t very loud or causing him discomfort (because let’s be fair, when you REALLY need to go it’s very distracting and uncomfortable). It then makes sense if he’s leaking due to being completely distracted and not noticing the signal.

Just something to consider and maybe look into..

I would echo the smart watch/vibrating reminder to use the toilet & rule out any potential medical issues.

Hes not avoiding them tho? OP said he just leaves it right to the last minute to go (like just about every kid) but he's cutting it too fine and ending up leaking a bit as he dashes to the loo.
He just needs to stop what he's doing like 1 minute sooner!!!

"Sensible/grown up" at 8? Ok...

If he's constantly avoiding using the toilets at school, he should have extraordinary bladder control by now. My son refused to use any toilet throughout primary and into secondary school without ever coming home with wet pants. Are you sure there's no other issue there?

All the people suggesting getting school to remind, to build in loo breaks etc. They do this in reception, even a bit in year 1. At some point they do have to stop?!
This isn't a 5 year old, its an 8 year old, with no physical or neurological issues.

Not all behaviour is a sign of ASD, or some condition or other - loads of kids just can be a bit naughty. And make poor choices! I don't know why every single threads brings out the people determined that every single less-than perfect behaviour kids exhibit means they have ADHD, ASD, Dyspraxia. Yes for some children that may be the case... But the vast majority of children are neurotypical and chances are its just a basic behavioural issue.

Can he come home at lunchtime or to his grans or something?

Kindly, this is not the answer. Children up and down for the loo during lessons is actually quite disruptive and while that idea might have been appropriate at 5 or 6, by 8 the point is they have had years to learn (and schools do constantly reiterate it) that they should go to the loo during breaks.

OP is pretty clear - like many children he has fomo and just doesn't want to stop what he's doing, and given it sounds like there's no additional needs here, he's just making the wrong choice and needs more of a consequence, because actually he's not sufficiently bothered about having a small damp patch on his pants.

Posters might be surprised how many students do this even at secondary school. They spend their breaks and lunch time playing football and buying food then come to a lesson just after break / lunch demanding to go to the toilet (not suggesting your DS does this OP.) So infuriating!

Can you reward him each night he comes home with clean pants? Over the top praise and sticker chart - 3 stickers and a prize?

this

Ds did this but he was only 4, he soon stopped when the really cold weather arrived and he had a chapped penis. I told him it's because he didn't go pee and his pants were damp. Stay dry and you won't get sore. That same advice in warmer weather made no difference, but natural consequences worked well.

Can you/the teachers try to make it more of a routine. So rather than wait until he thinks he needs to go, he ALWAYS goes on x break time, or between x classes, or before lunch. Whatever fits in the routine and is twice a day?
So he doesn't have to stop in the middle of things but it is part of his routine.

As an aside, apparently it is sometimes a part of autism, like forgetting to drink or eat. Not saying he has that but some people just process the information from their body differently. So making it a habit/routine takes the thought out of it.

And also at 8, I am assuming you might get help from the teachers in sending/reminding him, much older and I doubt they would think it part of their role?

My eldest had a lot of issues regarding using the toilet at school. She used to try and hold it in all day which didn't work.

Her teachers just used to ask her to go at lunch and break, that got her in the habit of going and then was able to do it independently.

You can't force a child to go to the toilet. As a parent I can. As a member of staff, all I can do is suggest. If a child hates the toilets, they're going to say "I don't need to go" and that's that no matter how much I encourage it.

And I say this as as the mother of a year three boy (who works in his school, who has literally, and I mean just this term) stopped coming home soaking and stinking, because there's individual toilets in his key stage area. He won't go to any other style of toilets. And it's because I've forced the issue and am stood there making him go.

he's behaving like a toddler - buy him a packet of pull-ups and tell him they are for school days... unless he mends his ways?

The idea is good.

The problem is getting teachers to do it.

My grandchild is soaking wet every day and not one of the teachers / assistants ever seems to even notice. Its depressing.

Well its not foolproof no, and I suppose teachers have more than enough to try to manage without that as well. Just an idea.

“Ask his teacher to build in toilet times for him …”

Hope you have better luck getting a teacher to do this for your son than my grandchild has had. 🤦‍♀️

“Speak to the school, get them to remind him (them all) before break to go to the toilet”

“given a 5min warning before the end of break time and directed to the toilet then.”

“have the teacher/TA ask him "did you go to the toilet?" and if not send him then.”

HOW do you get teachers to do any of this?

I’m asking because one of my grandchildren comes home every day soaking wet and no teacher ever even seems to notice even though it’s been brought up by the mum frequently and teachers have been asked to help as suggested above.

“tell his teachers to remind him to go before lunch…”

Good luck with that 🙄
grandchild of mine comes home soaking wet daily and no teacher ever seems to even notice. 🤷🏼‍♀️

The Op references specifically the access to toilets in their post, and very sadly agrees with the archaic practice. Hence my response.

And most research indicates that children are developing urinary control skills later.

By making access not an issue you are removing the limitation which is likely to offer him an opportunity to change his behaviour as he matures. The child isn't intentionally doing this it's likely maturity which you can't she out of them without a lifetime of therapy required.