Mum and sister bitching about me

Go very low contact, dont update them on your life/daughter/pregnancy
Take a step back from all of the drama of this and just focus on and live your life
It is hard but you dont need toxicity in your life
Dont worry about her mortality, seeing her is not a healthy mother/daugter relationship
My husbands father died last year they saw each other twice in 20 years at funerals because he was so awful and we were advised to go NC by a counsellor. We have never missed the realationship because it wasnt a healthy one. Similar with his brother too.

What an awful thing to say to your daughter. And I'm so sorry that she didn't have your back when you had pregnancy doubts. It's time like that you need your mum.
As others have said,, just detatch yourself from your mother and sister without having a showdown . I'm sure they would love a big row and a door slamming session but dont give them the opportunity for this.
Sending you a hug.

If anyone called my daughter a bitch there would be repercussions. I wouldn't dream of speaking to my children like that and nobody else better dare.

Drains and radiators. Some people suck the life and soul out of the party. radiators give warmth and add to your life.
Sounds like they are both drains. If you can be at peace with really limited contact with them both I would do that. They have hurt you and your daughter and it doesn't sound like their intentions come from a Place of love.

Have to add that you were really brave to approach the subject of termination with her and she was bang out of order for judging that really difficult heartwrenching turning point in your life. If you can't seek support at a time like that then she is not going to be missed.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Toxic people and a need to bitch or be negative have nothing positive to add to a relationship apart from ill feeling.

I agree

Depends if she has assets, maybe your sister is driving a wedge between you, thinking she'll get more, or the whole lot. If your mum doesn't have anything, then your sister just sounds like she has resentment towards you, maybe something historical that you may have forgotten about, or seemed trivial at the time. Have you always had a difficult relationship with them both, or is this a new thing? It would possibly be worth trying to find a solution. If you have already tried this then certainly for you own sanity, limit contact. I'll be honest if my mum said those things about my daughter I'd have nothing to do with her!

Well having found out about similar situations between my DM and DSers. I decided that less contact was a good idea. DM has now passed and I no longer have contact with my DSters and am less stressed. Anything I post on SM I ensure they do not have access to it. You have to do what is right for you. What does Your DH think?

You should start your own thread to get responses, otherwise everyone will be talking across each other

I suggest you create a thread in Relationships topic, good luck!

Oh OP, your mother is a horror.
Please protect your child from her.
Stop allowing some FOG towards anwful person make you sacrifice your child.
That would be a really selfish thing to do and you don't want to be a selfish mum too.
Put your child and yourself first.
Do as advised, slow fade,
Be busy and unavailable.

And you wouldn't feel guilty about creating or allowing situations where your daughter is getting verbally abused by someone who should love her unconditionally? You wouldn't feel guilty about your daughter feeling sad when she sees how different her friends' grandparents are with them and wondering why hers is so horrible to her and if she's done something wrong or is unlovable?

Do you rely on your mum and sister for anything? Childcare etc? If not, and you're only in contact because they're family I'd suggest distancing yourself from both of them.

You can always remove them from your social media, or suggest if they don't like/agree with what you post for them to remove themselves.

Regardless of them being family toxic is toxic and nobody needs that. I did it to my parents, cut one off completely. It took a lot to do it, but it helped me to grow as an adult.

this. Your mum sounds nasty.

I can empathise. The best thing is to give yourself a bit of space from them.

I found text messages between my mum and sister basically saying that they didn't think I could cope with my daughter and that was why I was always asking my sister for play dates - my daughter and niece are the same age and nothing to do with not being able to cope. They are very much peas in a pod and I have always felt that my mum is much closer to my sister. Both my sister and I work for the NHS, I am in a non-clinical role and my sister is in a clinical role. I got up and left the room when they started talking about NHS pay and both saying they couldn't udnerstand why I got paid the same as my sister etc, etc. Anyway it left me feeling pretty low and rubbish.

I haven't gone no contact, but I have distanced myself and I have also told my mum how things make me feel, but nothing changes. My sister's kids seem to be the favourites too. It's hard, but you either have it out with them or put a bt of distance between you and see if they notice.

I would take time to think about what you want going forward. I agree with other post falling out would probably not resolve anything and just make the situation harder to navigate in the long run. You might be able to salvage this relationship but think drawing away and some space and time might help you think and also gives mum some time to reflect as pulling away/quietly quitting for a period of time might make her see what she is missing out on. I would also when things have cooled down speak about how she spoke to your daughter and remind her who the adult is but maybe not now when things are so tense as it will add too much tension. Space, time, measured approach and reflect. Hope you solve this as it must be a hard situation to be in. And not to sound like a judgy bumh*le about social media but I found having a break from social media and going quiet on there for a bit helps in these situations as people still feel like they see you/know what's going on in your life when you post, posting nothing adds to the distants and gives them nothing to cling onto either

Wow, she called her own granddaughter a bitch. I'm not sure there's any coming back from that. Agree that minimising contact sounds best, but I understand that it's hard when she's your mum. Definitely limit what they can see on social media as a previous poster said!

Hello. It sounds like you have dealt with this toxic behaviour for so long that it has become a normalised part of your life so you are questioning your instinct that this is not ok. It isn’t. Mums don’t slag off one daughter to another and call grandchildren names. I can understand how hard it must be as I’m sure you love your mum at some level and limiting contact may feel like you are ‘breaking up the family’. But it is just not healthy behaviour and your daughter will benefit from not being exposed to it. I’m really sorry, this must be very hard for you on so many levels. All the best.

Hi recently I have been feeling so unwanted I'm a single parent have been for years. I have tried dating but get ghosted every time. I reached out to a old friend a few months ago we talked every day arranged to meet then nothing he has ignored me for weeks now not even opening messages but online.

I don't have anyone other then my kids, my family even don't bother I always reach out to them never them trying. My mum always invites my sister's for tea and days out, meals out, parties yet I get nothing I have to find out on Facebook when they tag each other saying they have had a great time with friends and family. It's been like this years I really want to block them but feel bad for my kids even though they don't bother with them.

Just need to get it off my chest feel so unwanted and no one to talk to

You can't second guess why she is like this unless you ask her directly and let her know how hurt you feel. I would limit the time your DD spends with her, she is not a good example.
Just stop posting on social media, it's not essential and your DD is approaching an age when she will want to do this. Think how your DD will feel if she finds that she is the brunt of their remarks in the future. Don't give your mother the ammunition to feed her toxicity.

I would tolerate anything from an as you say, elderly parent but the verbal abuse of your children is a big no. No matter what my kids did, that is very harmful. That is for me crossing a major boundary. Your poor daughter. I would cut off her contact with my children. I would still be there for my mother when she needs me but I would discuss how her treatment of you makes you feel and stand up for yourself. As for your sister get your claws out she sounds jealous and resentful.

This.

Definitely make yourself and your family less available.

This will never stop if you stay in contact with them.
Why invest your time and energy into them when they are being so hurtful towards you?
You don’t seem to gain much from it and neither does your DD. If you went NC now you would likely have your DDs full backing as she can see through her now too.
I understand that you would feel guilt. But do you think your mother and sister feel any guilt about the way they treat you? I suspect you would want to rise above that, but at what cost to yours and your DDs mental health? I would at the least go LC, for your child’s sake if not your own.

I am really sorry to hear what you have been going through. Don't underestimate the impact it is having on you. Our bonds with our mothers are complex and even toxic relationships are hard to shake off. It certainly seems as though your mother is very angry and manipulative. Setting siblings against each other is a key strategy for attention. Only you will know whether she has always been like this or whether her recent behaviours may be as a result of an underlying mental health condition. I would suggest that you start to put yourself and your daughter first. If she is someone you could talk to with a friendly mediator present that could be useful. If not I would put it in writing. Just tell her how hurt you are. If she responds aggressively I think you have to start withdrawing but only you will know the cut off point.

I'm in a similar situation. Me and my sister had a row and my mum sides with her. We have virtually no contact now.
Yes my mum is an adult but is heavily influenced by my sister.
I have tried to speak to her but she is
" too busy" " has to go to..."
She is advancing in years too. But I've tried. I know that the time will come when I will prob be full of regrets but I know I have tried. She is the one going no contact. As for my sister, the row and now this- I don't think I'll speak to her ever again. What she has done is despicable ( the cause of the row and now the cause of the rift).
As mum to us both, I didn't expect her to take sides. It wasn't even about her- something totally unconnected.
It's fine who she believes but stay neutral to our faces. Just stay out of it. For the record, this is a cut and dry scenario. Through facts not my opinion, my sister is categorically in the wrong.
Sorry I have zero advice for you but just wanted to say I feel your pain. As much as some people are right, go no contact etc, it's not easy when emotions are involved. It's painful.

I suspect it is her daughter who went through her grandmother’s phone and told her mother, the OP. The OP previously posted that her daughter is currently on holiday with the grandmother.

Either way, I don’t think it really matters. The grandmother sounds like an awful human being and the OP should cut contact, but it doesn’t seem like she has the strength or inclination to. It’s a sad story.