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AIBU?

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Original poster

Full on

32 replies

Flute56 · 21/10/2024 17:16

To cut a long story short I'm on holiday seeing a friend who is more of an acquaintance because I don't know how that well and she is too full on because she wants to do everything for me pay for things for me take me wherever I want to go and I was telling somebody else about this and this other person thinks this woman fancies meant this woman is a lesbian I'm not sure but it's all very creepy because she's been taking all these photographs of me without my knowledge and sending them to me saying here I've taken these pictures of you and I'm like oh right I had no idea it's very creepy

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Original poster
Flute56 · 30/10/2024 13:24

midgetastic · 21/10/2024 17:36

Sone people are just hospitable , sone countries people tend to do more for visitors

Do you fancy her , is that why you are asking? To see if you should push things forward?

I do not fancy her but rightly or wrongly I thought she fancied me and I'm going home next week and she and I arranged to have one last final phone call before I fly home and now she's saying she may not be able to speak to me next week and just lifted at that and she said she might have other plans she might be too busy so she's now become quite cold and distanced I don't know if I've done anything to upsetter I've asked her but she won't say so a really good close friend of mine said just forget about it you'll go back to the UK you won't see her from her again so just forget about it and leave it at that

OP posts:
Original poster
Flute56 · 21/10/2024 17:59

MolkosTeenageAngst · 21/10/2024 17:53

It does sound full on but does not necessarilly mean that she is gay and/ or that she fancies you. Are you gay? Do you know for a fact that she is? It may just be that she is financially well off and feels like as you’re in her country that she should host; this would be culturally appropriate in some places. I have been in situations overseas where I was treated like royalty by locals and they wouldn’t let me pay for anything despite the fact I certainly was in a better financial situation. She may just be being kind, but if it’s ok and you’re not even in the country specifically to visit her it’s okay to distance yourself or it’s okay to insist on paying for things.

Edited

I am not gay and I have no idea about her anyway I think it's just a cultural thing

OP posts:
Original poster
Flute56 · 21/10/2024 17:56

MumOfOneAllAlone · 21/10/2024 17:51

Ohhh OK, that's definitely a bit different!

I would tell her that you've had so much fun with her but you want some time to yourself, tbh. Politely though as you'll probably see her again. Maybe she's just awkward and is unintentionally being full on x

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I will be having time to myself because tomorrow I'm seeing her for the last time and then I'm moving on to another part of the country for two weeks

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 21/10/2024 17:53

It does sound full on but does not necessarilly mean that she is gay and/ or that she fancies you. Are you gay? Do you know for a fact that she is? It may just be that she is financially well off and feels like as you’re in her country that she should host; this would be culturally appropriate in some places. I have been in situations overseas where I was treated like royalty by locals and they wouldn’t let me pay for anything despite the fact I certainly was in a better financial situation. She may just be being kind, but if it’s ok and you’re not even in the country specifically to visit her it’s okay to distance yourself or it’s okay to insist on paying for things.

MumOfOneAllAlone · 21/10/2024 17:51

Flute56 · 21/10/2024 17:33

I didn't make it quite clear I'm not on the holiday with her I'm in her country in the town where she lives and I met this woman twice last year when she was in the UK visiting a mutual friend. Then the mutual friend said to me if you are going to be in her country and her town because you've met her before it might be nice if you could just meet her for coffee and say hello and I honestly thought that was all it was going to be but when I met this woman she said to me anywhere you want to go I will take you and she's bought me three meals and drinks won't pay for any petrol and she's even bought me a travel card thing with money on so I don't have to pay for public transport and I find it a bit much because I've only met her twice very briefly and that was a year ago

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Ohhh OK, that's definitely a bit different!

I would tell her that you've had so much fun with her but you want some time to yourself, tbh. Politely though as you'll probably see her again. Maybe she's just awkward and is unintentionally being full on x

Original poster
Flute56 · 21/10/2024 17:50

Catandsquirrel · 21/10/2024 17:46

Cultural difference? I have friends from other countries which shall remain nameless. Hospitality to visitors is a HUGE deal to them. I've seen physical scuffles over not only restaurant bills but the supermarket checkout when buying picnic supplies. They wouldn't hear of allowing a guest to pay the bill on a short visit without a lengthy insistence if not some trickery.

Yes I think you are correct so my friend who suggested that she fancied me is totally wrong

OP posts:
Thanksforyourlackofthought · 21/10/2024 17:49

Take a breath OP before you pass out.

Changedforthetoday · 21/10/2024 17:49

Do you your Mum and Dad know you’re out of the country? Maybe a bit of growing up needs to be done by you.
So because someone is being nice to you they must be a lesbian and they must also fancy you. Grow up!!!

anxioussister · 21/10/2024 17:49

I can think of both Italian and Indian friends - would behave like this in these circumstances. And if I sent a friend to their city and let them know would go out of their way to host them - even if they’d never met before - as an act of love for me rather than necessarily because of the person themselves.

let it be, thank her, insist on paying for supper as a thank you for her hospitality.

Catandsquirrel · 21/10/2024 17:46

Cultural difference? I have friends from other countries which shall remain nameless. Hospitality to visitors is a HUGE deal to them. I've seen physical scuffles over not only restaurant bills but the supermarket checkout when buying picnic supplies. They wouldn't hear of allowing a guest to pay the bill on a short visit without a lengthy insistence if not some trickery.

CleanShirt · 21/10/2024 17:46

Flute56 · 21/10/2024 17:44

It may just be her way of being kind and this is not a strange country because I've been to this country before and if she really was a lesbian she would try it on with me

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I've read everything now. Just because someone is gay doesn't mean they're going to try to shag you. Dear god.

AngelinaFibres · 21/10/2024 17:45

Flute56 · 21/10/2024 17:44

It may just be her way of being kind and this is not a strange country because I've been to this country before and if she really was a lesbian she would try it on with me

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Please, please use punctuation.

Original poster
Flute56 · 21/10/2024 17:44

SurelySmartie · 21/10/2024 17:38

Oh no and now you’re thousands of miles away in a strange country WITH A LESBIAN

It may just be her way of being kind and this is not a strange country because I've been to this country before and if she really was a lesbian she would try it on with me

OP posts:
username35890 · 21/10/2024 17:41

OP some cultures are very hospitable. She's putting herself out to be kind and hasn't done anything inappropriate. Buy her something to say thanks.

SurelySmartie · 21/10/2024 17:38

Oh no and now you’re thousands of miles away in a strange country WITH A LESBIAN

Original poster
Flute56 · 21/10/2024 17:37

She even commented on the way I looked because I happen to say to her that I was not very well a few weeks ago and I lost weight I just innocently said that and she said you don't need to lose and there are several other things she's tried to do for me like lend me things and I don't know it's too much to go into but it makes me feel really uncomfortable

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SurelySmartie · 21/10/2024 17:36

Is anyone getting steak cut chips vibes?

midgetastic · 21/10/2024 17:36

Sone people are just hospitable , sone countries people tend to do more for visitors

Do you fancy her , is that why you are asking? To see if you should push things forward?

CleanShirt · 21/10/2024 17:34

GrumpOlympics · 21/10/2024 17:25

?

I'm dying 😂😂

Original poster
Flute56 · 21/10/2024 17:33

MumOfOneAllAlone · 21/10/2024 17:26

Op, if you're on holiday with her, I'd consider that she's your good friend and maybe that's just how she sees it.

The photos thing is weird, I'd tell her straight that it makes you uncomfortable, but if you're not her friend, it was unkind to go on holiday with her

I hope I've understood your post correctly x

I didn't make it quite clear I'm not on the holiday with her I'm in her country in the town where she lives and I met this woman twice last year when she was in the UK visiting a mutual friend. Then the mutual friend said to me if you are going to be in her country and her town because you've met her before it might be nice if you could just meet her for coffee and say hello and I honestly thought that was all it was going to be but when I met this woman she said to me anywhere you want to go I will take you and she's bought me three meals and drinks won't pay for any petrol and she's even bought me a travel card thing with money on so I don't have to pay for public transport and I find it a bit much because I've only met her twice very briefly and that was a year ago

OP posts:
SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 21/10/2024 17:28

She may fancy you, but at least you can be prepared with a suitable response if any advances are made. 'I'm very flattered and like you very much, but I'm afraid I'm only interested in men in that way' is a standard. If she's spent a lot of money on you, you might offer to pay for dinner too.

MumOfOneAllAlone · 21/10/2024 17:26

Op, if you're on holiday with her, I'd consider that she's your good friend and maybe that's just how she sees it.

The photos thing is weird, I'd tell her straight that it makes you uncomfortable, but if you're not her friend, it was unkind to go on holiday with her

I hope I've understood your post correctly x

GrumpOlympics · 21/10/2024 17:25

?

Full on
Original poster
Flute56 · 21/10/2024 17:23

vodkaredbullgirl · 21/10/2024 17:21

Yes she fancies you

Oh dear

OP posts:
MartinCrieffsLemon · 21/10/2024 17:22

Are you writing this in a rush??

She's just doing what half of MN expects of someone to do when hosting...

And she's sending you the photos, presumably of you enjoying yourself, it's not like she's taking photos of you changing