AIBU or is my partners ex

There are lots of solutions on here but I would leave this for your OH to manage. He can decide if he wants to wash the clothes or not.

Get her changed as soon as she arrives at your house and use the clothes she arrived in on Saturday as her Sunday clothes to go out swimming and return home in. That way no clothes need to be washed over night

The OP had already said that she is maternity leave and things are tight.

Very unkind to mock someone for not having the money to keep buying things they never see back. It’s wasteful and unnecessary.

You may be rich enough to buy new clothes every week but it doesn’t give you the right to scoff at others who don’t.

Check your privilege.

The OP has already clearly stated that the child’s mother does not want the clothes she provides to stay at their house.

OP you'll have to figure out emergency laundry for own kid eventually. There's going to be occasions when you need a
PE kit clean with no warning. A coat that got dropped in a puddle. A particular dress that they just need to wear again.
Just be grateful that you're only washing one outfit a week. Stick it on the radiators or get a heated airer or something.

So is the OP.

Everyone on this thread is writing in English.

Op, I haven’t read the full thread. Someone has probably already suggested this, but O would just take her mums clothes off her on arrival and pop her into dad’s house clothes. Hangs mums clothes up, then pop her back into them the next day. She’ll hardly have worn them, they’ll be clean.

She can demand all she likes. Doesn't mean they have to do it. And how is it a one way stream? OP sends the child home in one set of clothes. Mother keeps those. But from then on she's only sending her back in her mother's clothes. So simply buy one cheap outfit from Vinted or Asda to send the child home in and that's all she will lose.

But the childs mother demands the child is returned with the clothes she arrived in, and refuses to return any clothes supplied by her father, it seems the child never sees those clothes again!

So this doesn't work. Its a one way stream of clothes leaving OP's house and never coming back.

Yeah, and do you believe everything you read on the internet? There’s clearly a whopper of a back-story here.

Besides, my post was aimed at the comment saying that ‘little children’ should have one brunch per fortnight with their father, as anything more would be almost morally wrong to the child. Which is just naive, mum-shaming bollocks.

Personally, I suspect in this case that the father is shit (squabbling over collecting her when he does no school runs etc) or there’s a DV back-story or an affair etc… there’s always an interesting other side to the story, and it pays to keep an open mind when separations & custody get petty & messy.

No. Send the child home in clean clothes and OP keeps the dirty clothes. That's the direct swap people are talking about. Next time mother then sends the child in OP's clothes and OP sends her home in her other clothes. I don't know why that's so difficult to understand.

Whilst I know nothing of the background, from reading your posts OP, this little girl is lucky to have you. I don't understand why her mother is dressing her inappropriately and it just reads that she is being awkward and almost spiteful, neglecting to realise the one suffering is her own child.

And who haven’t any idea of what it might be like as the mother, doing 100% of bath-times/bedtimes by herself, night after night. Alone every single night, unable to go out to see any other adult company after 6pm, night after night, for years?? Sadly some mothers and kids HAVE to contend with this as there is no father in the picture or they’re widowed…. But where there’s a perfectly alive father (who’s capable of having sired more offspring recently) then that father SHOULD be doing proactive, normal, everyday child-care. It should be EOW and a night in the week, in my opinion. Healthy balanced families. Not some Disney-Dad and ‘bonus mum’ bollocks.

Of course. There are deadbeat dads all over the place who walk away and leave it all to the mother.

But this dad isn't one of them. He is fighting against an ex who is using the DD and everything to do with her as a weapon, whether that's limiting access or being petty over clothes. If this mum can't go out with friends and is doing 100% of bedtimes than that's on her. The father is going back to court to increase contact and would happily have his DD a lot more than just EOW and one night a week.

Same - get her changed as soon as she arrives and get her to pop on the same outfit just before she leaves.

Her mother is a twat. Doesn't she have to wash the rest of her clothes fgs??!

Just send her home in your clothes this time, then next time she can go in mums clothes. Sacrifice one outfit and you'll be a week ahead from now on. It's not really that big of a deal.

You must be fucking joking, right?

You can always tell the lucky ladies on here who’ve not had to experience divorce or lone parenting. And have zero clue about how important it is for children to develop strong parent-child bonds with BOTH parents (not just as a brunch guest).

And who haven’t any idea of what it might be like as the mother, doing 100% of bath-times/bedtimes by herself, night after night. Alone every single night, unable to go out to see any other adult company after 6pm, night after night, for years?? Sadly some mothers and kids HAVE to contend with this as there is no father in the picture or they’re widowed…. But where there’s a perfectly alive father (who’s capable of having sired more offspring recently) then that father SHOULD be doing proactive, normal, everyday child-care. It should be EOW and a night in the week, in my opinion. Healthy balanced families. Not some Disney-Dad and ‘bonus mum’ bollocks.

Agree.
keep your clothes for use at your house, send her back in ex clothes.
No need to get into a dialogue.

if she complains, just say, excuse like - sorry Sunday is not our wash day. Just be so nice while not obeying her dumb request

same each time just say, no time, doing my best. No laundry on weekend.

I can't believe there's 8 pages mostly of people deliberately twisting the OP's words, leaping to conclusions and being no more than playground bullies.

Just get her changed when she arrives and stick her back in those clothes to go home in the next day.

Don't refuse outright to wash though without offering an alternative, as this can be painted as 'unreasonable behaviour' 'he refuses to wash her clothes' - DP should address this in writing so the courts can see it ifnecessary.

Explain that washing in that time frame isn't reasonable, but that you're happy to facilitiate a reasonable exchange of clothing, as long as it is an exchange and not a one way clothing vanishing trick! If clothes are being exchanged and moved back and forth between homes then of course you're happy to wash them through the week.

'Bonus child' is a lovely expression. You clearly love her and see her as something extra and wonderful in your family. I smiled as soon as I read it. It was quite clear to me what it meant.

Genuinely can't belive there is 8 page of nonsense! 😂

Its about packing a bag/cleaning clothes for goodness sake!!

Get her changed as soon as she visits and dress her in same clothes
Only clean underwear is needed

Keep Saturday's clothes, and wash them during the week. Don't return her with them, clean or dirty. Send her home in your clothes, and ask that mum washes them and puts her into them for when you collect (ie exactly the same request she's making of you, except that she has all week to wash them). The following Sunday you put her into the previous Saturday's clothes.

If she arrives the next weekend in clothes from mum's rather than yours, continue the process - keep those for the week and send her back in the previous weekend's. You'll only lose one outfit. If she's not been sent with a coat, take the coat off her when you return her, so you return her with the amount of clothing she was sent with.

Bonus child….quite easy to understand really so I don’t get all the “wtf” outrage! The op uses it, the child approves it too. Op has a partner and his daughter is a bonus (rather than baggage). People need to get a grip.

I'd just change her out of it soon as she's at yours so it's not dirty and then put it back on her to go home again in the morning?

I would change her into an outfit from your house as soon as she arrives, and then swap back into her Mum's clothes right before she leaves.