Is DD weird?

Wash some shirts midweek, don't be leaving her wearing the same shirt twice! It's possible they can smell her some days, teens sweat easily. Why has she even told them about her showing habits?

I was literally about to say the same words. If it wasn't this it would be something else. I think I'd be probing a bit more about the type of things these girls say about others. You may not want your DD hanging round them and getting sucked in.

The stench was incredible even 20 years ago and at least part of the reason why most schools had compulsory showers after PE before that.

These days, because most people have access to showers and washing machines, it's going to stand out even more - and it does.

Her friends are trying to help her by saying it's weird, rather than 'You absolutely stink and you're wearing dirty clothes'.

No she's not wierd. Neither are they.
There's a massive range of answers to this because everyone is different.
It's definitely not dirty to shower every two days. However there will always be people out there horrified who shower every five minutes.
As long as she doesn't smell she's fine.
I only wash my hair once a week and I know people might think that's disgusting but if I did it more it would be like straw. Everyone's body is different.
I bath or shower most days. Occasionally I might skip a day if I'm not doing anything or going anywhere abd it's winter so I'm not sweaty.
I have 3 kids and they get bathed once a week. Old school! When they hit puberty I imagine they will want to be having a quick shower at least every other day.. that's what I would encourage. But if they want to shower every day that's fine. I'd be saying not to shower twice a day just coz there's 5 people in this house and one shower.

I have an office job but still shower every day, I just feel dirty and unmotivated, it's mental outlook for me that is just different when I have showered. I don't always wash my hair, due to it being quite fuzzy and fly away if I do this but always shower. On the days I commute in can't stand to not shower after the dirty trains and underground.

Would her shirt really be dirty after a day in school?
I mean what is it about exactly one day that makes something dirty rather than half a day or 4 minutes ?

The reason she refuses school rather than have extra showers is that she is smart enough to know that she will always be the butt of those girls nastiness

If a 2 day old shirt is OK on Fridays, why does she need a clean one the other 4 days?

The answer is for her to start to shower every day. She is probably a bit whiffy on the Friday when she has to wear a dirty shirt, so buy another one or do a wash midweek. Some pubertal girls can be really smelly and these days that's quite unusual so possibly that's why the friends have said something. She can tell them she's started showering every day, hopefully that will shut them up.
For posters saying people didn't smell decades ago when they didn't shower every day, actually they did. I grew up in the 70s and in my family we all had daily bath or shower, on the rare occasion we didn't we had a proper wash at the sink, washing everywhere including feet. However at school( all girls) there were plenty with really greasy hair and who did have bad BO, which you rarely see these days, and there were always people on buses and trains who smelled. There were a lot of men at that time who still thought wearing deodorant was" poncey" so they absolutely honked too.

Why don't you buy her another shirt? I wouldn't want to wear a dirty shirt.

No one needs t shower every day unless very active / certain jobs

It's better for your skin not to be using all the body washes daily

The question really is - why do so many people feel the need to shower every day?
Why are people so judgemental against those who don't ?

When I was a teen it was a wash every day and a bath once a week. We must have ponged!!

I personally bath daily but I have heard that it's better not to wash daily for the skin microbiome. Maybe look up some videos on the topic and share them with her. Although it does look like a lot of make up and skin care companies have hijacked the term now so you may need to dig to find the real videos.

Why doesn't she have a shower every day?

Buy a couple more shirts they cost nothing and the pressure is off you washing etc. clean shirt every day and shower every day! Happy days.

No that's absolutely fine.

Obviously I can only speak of my own experience but I know that if I haven't had a good wash between my legs and under my arms, at least, every morning, I will smell. Probably worse during puberty than it is now.

What does she do in terms of washing on the days without a shower?

They've obviously had a conversation and their parents have probably been on at them to have a shower everyday.

A bit like on MN when people talk about changing their bed sheets twice a week and others do it once a month. It's just a difference and we don't tend to think of people being different to us.

I'd be more more concerned about her default reaction being to miss school rather than just take an extra shower. A refresh shower takes 4 minutes (we have a timer) she could be in and out, then it's just time to dry her hair if she has long hair or use a shower cap. Obviously a faff shower where you are exfoliating / shaving / moisturising takes longer but a quick soap up doesn't.

Yes, I suspect if we teletransported ourselves back 70/80 years to a class of 13 year olds the smell would be very noticeable.

Don't get me wrong, I think they were rude to mention it but having teens that appear to be in the bathroom for quite a length of time it isn't shocking to me that they remarked on it.

Why?
There is no need if she doesnt smell bad and isnt dirty. And they wont know if she doesnt tell them.
I have only showered every 2nd or 3rd day for all my adult life. I dont smell unwashed.

Why are so many people assuming this poor girl must smell?? It’s not necessary to shower every day unless you’re dirty or smelly or have your period or something. It’s bad for your skin as mentioned above. Not every 13yr old sweats or smells so much that they have to shower daily. Some can genuinely get away with a shower every other day and you wouldn’t be able to tell even if you stood close to them.

OP, this either sounds like a bad attempt at humour - calling a normal thing weird - or it’s bullying. Your DD’s response depends on what she thinks it is. I’d tell her to fight fire with fire and reply, “Well, Olivia, I don’t need to because I don’t smell like you do. I’m surprised you don’t have six showers a day tbh”.

Yes, it’s a bit mean, but it should shut them up. Groups of girls of that age are constantly jostling for position and someone has to be at the bottom. They’ve picked on your DD to try to put her down there. Some girls will never be down there - help your DD be one of those and stand up for herself.

I don't think it's weird as long as she doesn't smell.

If she doesn't smell though I'm not sure why it came up. I guess maybe they were just talking and the subject of showering came up? 🤷‍♀️

I'm also not sure why she wouldn't just start showering everyday if it's bothering her to be called weird. I don't think not going to school is the solution.

ETA: I have a friend who showers every other day and I wouldn't say that she smells bad on the days that she doesn't shower but she does have a smell on those days. And I can always tell whether she has showered the day that I see her. So maybe it's the same with your daughter?

My Dad grew up in that time and says the fact of the matter is most people did in fact smell.

Plus they would have had a "proper" strip wash on the days they weren't having a bath, which OP doesn't mention.

I think the friends are probably telling DD either she smells or she doesn't look clean, greasy hair maybe?

She does need another shirt.

Yes but we don't inhabit the world of 70/80 years ago so the smell (if there is one) is going to stand out more.

Does she also do PE at school on her shower/football days or is that a non-shower day?
Her friends sound unkind but maybe they're (badly) trying to let her know that there's a slight smell. If she's washing thoroughly on non-shower days it should be fine but if she's just putting on deodorant and body spray then she needs to wash more thoroughly.

Typo, I meant BUY another school shirt. Not but another school shirt.