Should we stop DC seeings in laws?

But just to be clear and not fake ask to see him before Christmas to keep up appreances

What's 'fake' and 'keeping up appearances' about them coming to see their son and grandchild? The run up to Christmas is a traditional time to see family, there's nothing fake about that.

You want nothing to do with them - fai enough. Your are still breastfeeding so it's not likely your DH will take the baby on a 200 mile round trip see them for the day.

Your inlaws have suggested a visit in December. No major travel for you, so what's the big deal? Let your DH and baby go while you have a nice peacefull afternoon,

All your posts after the original one provide the full explanation surely - you are NC with them and in addition the child is breast fed? It isn't a mystery why they are different with their other grandchild, is it?! I'm not saying you're wrong to be NC, I don't know the details, but that is obviously going to impact on them spending time with your infant, breastfed child?

If they hate you and are horrible to you then why on earth would either you or DH be happy with them being in DC's lives? Anyone who's horrible to the mother is no good for the kids. No benefit at all to your DC to know them, so just keep them cut out. If DH feels he wants to see them occasionally then fine, but why he'd want to when they cut out his wife and child, I don't know!

Leave it completely up to your DH, don't engage with them at all.
Make sure he knows that while you support his decison it won't be possible for him to take the baby with him as you are BF her and you certainly aren't going

The in laws sound awful but a bit of outside perspective:

10,000 miles is a long way. They are probably making a holiday out of it and staying for an extended period to help with the jet lag. I have family overseas and six week visits weren’t uncommon when people started retiring.

Being NC makes visiting awkward. They have a 200 mile round trip to have lunch with DH and baby or sit in a coffee shop for a couple of hours between feeds. It’s not really a chance to bond as all you want to do out the house is keep a baby that age quiet and settled, asleep if possible.

Asking about the baby on phone calls is difficult as it naturally brings you into the conversation.

They may also have a certain lack of affection for the baby because it reminds them of you. They obviously don’t see you as family, so I wonder if they see the baby as family?

They are truly awful OP and I’m not trying to justify them in any way. I don’t think they can separate their relationship with their grandchild from their relationship with you. So you can either smile through gritted teeth to forge a relationship or let it taper off naturally.

December aside, given your usual pattern of contact and the 100 mile gap, your smoothest course of action is low contact. They won’t notice and you won’t feel resentful about them seeing the other grandchild more.

In light of your DH being on the same page... I would just say to him that you support his decision fully, whatever he decides.
If he wants to take the baby to meet them locally, he can do that between breastfeeds easily enough. Occasionally seeing grandparents who don't care much won't hurt DC at this age. Worry about long term effects once they're old enough to understand and remember their grandparents.
If he doesn't think it's a good idea to bring DC until such time as his own relationship is stronger with them, I'd support him with that too.

They sound like horrible people you don't need in DC's life. I'd let DH decide how he wants to handle it, especially now while DC is too young to be aware, but as they get older I'd be very wary of exposing them to people who may be cruel about you in front of your child, or who might upset DC in other ways, eg favouritism of their other GC.

Not heartbreaking at all.

Ultimately I would only stop family seeing my child if I believed they were a risk to my child in some way.

So one of my BIL is not allowed to see my child, for her safety, and that wasn’t a decision we took lightly however it was a necessary one. We made that decision knowing that we could absolutely justify that to our child if one day when she is older she asks.

The more people in a child’s life that love them the better as far as I am concerned, if that “love” looks like seeing them twice a year then my kids will learn that as they get older and can make their own decisions. At least they won’t grow up to resent a parent for refusing to allow any contact/relationship.

You can’t be NC with them and expect them to make as much effort as they do with their other grandchild. It sounds like they are damned either way. If you want them to make an effort to have more contact then pull your big girl pants on and be friendly. If you don’t, accept the status quo. I see no reason here for cutting contact even further.

Well it sounds like you are completely justified in having nothing to do with them but if DH wnats to have the DC to see them somewhere its up to him really.

I think what PP was saying was that if you won't talk to them, but you are breastfeeding the baby...how can they see the baby? Do you hide in another room and race back in with averted eyes when baby cries for a feed?

It's a tough situation but you need to take a step back and look at what is actually feasible if you are NC.

What's your Husband said to his parents about all of this? And what does he feel about his parents being prepared to travel 10,000 miles to his sibling but not 100 miles to him?

How did they stalk you during your pregnancy?

I'd leave off any contact and let your DH deal with it and be there when they do see the Grandchild.

So have they meant that they would come to your house or meet elsewhere?
And does it mean that they want to see all of you or just DH and DC?

You want them to have contact with your baby but not with you, but you need to be there because the baby is being breastfed 👀

What's your solution OP?

And have you invited them since then?

Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying it’s okay that they haven’t made the effort, but 100 miles away is a 3 hour drive so it’s not as if they can just pop in, staying for 4 hours still means they’ve been out for 10 hours to visit.

If you actively want to foster a better relationship then I’d say it needs to be invites & offers to host on your side, or you/husband offering to do the trip to them so they can see DC that way.

100 miles isn’t day trip distance really.

Would love to read the 'Gransnet' version of this.

How are they going to do that?

I thought you said you were NC?

Surely that means your DH will have to take the baby to see them, when breastfeeding stops?

I'm not sure they can be bashed for not bonding with a 6 month old, under these circumstances.

Exactly!!

But if your baby can't leave you because he is breast feed then what do you expect?
That the other GC shouldn't see them too?
You can't have it both ways. You're NC, can't have the baby away from you but want them to see him?