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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want my smoker DH to sleep with me and baby?

34 replies

cosleep · 21/10/2024 12:01

I of course know that smoking around a baby is terrible and DH would never do that. He smokes in the garage.

But I have been reading that he should not even sleep in the same room as us. Baby is 10 weeks old and sleeps in a next to me at my side of the bed.

I got him to put his clothes in the bathroom last night after I read about nicotine staying in the clothes.

Should he start sleeping in the spare room? How bad is the 3rd hand smoke?

Please don't tear me to shreds. DH had wanted to quit smoking before baby arrived but hasn't. He has cut down a lot though. He normally has 2 from when he get in from to to bed time these days. He smokes at work too, I can smell it.

YABU - DH does not need to sleep in spare room
YANBU - DH should move

OP posts:
PortiasBiscuit · 21/10/2024 12:25

I assume it’s his baby so he gets a say. I think you are being a bit precious, the minute amounts of smoke/ nicotine left on your husband after he has (presumably) washed, cleaned his teeth and got into bed, not going to hurt your baby.
You will do the child more potential damage pushing it the shops in a pram, if a car goes past.
What you are doing is risking your relationship, which will potentially cause your child much more damage in the end.

Original poster
cosleep · 21/10/2024 12:21

Notamum12345577 · 21/10/2024 12:19

@cosleep Has he tried vaping? That is what helped me quit smoking

He uses the nicotine inhaler some of the time. I think it works for him but he doesn't stick to it. He also downloaded Alan Carrs audiobook but didn't listen to the last chapter because apparently you need to stop after that.

OP posts:
DadJoke · 21/10/2024 12:21

I think he should leave his clothes elsewhere, have a shower and come to bed.

Vaping is a good temporary solution.

Notamum12345577 · 21/10/2024 12:19

@cosleep Has he tried vaping? That is what helped me quit smoking

Original poster
cosleep · 21/10/2024 12:17

@1990s I'd love him to stop. He has been promising to do so for ages but then he doesn't I know it's an addiction and it's difficult but I worry about him.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing He doesn't drink, he quit when the pubs shut during covid and never went back. I drink very occasionally and haven't since baby was born. Yes a bit more info would be good, all I knew was that we should keep baby in our room for 6 months.

@aperolspritzbasicbitch how do I ask him to do that without seeming really mean?

I know he want to quit smoking and I don't want to feel like I am punishing him for not being able to.

OP posts:
aperolspritzbasicbitch · 21/10/2024 12:08

My partner smokes on and off - we don't have any children sharing a room with us but the rule is that if he smokes, he's not getting in my bed. Absolutely not, I don't want that lingering on my sheets, pillows and mattresses.
If he goes on a night out then I automatically assume he's in the spare room, and
if he's having a particularly stressful time at work then he could be in the spare room for days!

So, if I had a child in my room then absolutely he would not be sleeping with me.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/10/2024 12:08

I think there needs to be a national information campaign for new and expectant fathers to quit smoking and cut down drinking.

Everyone knows it’s harmful for pregnant women but people need to understand that any parent smoking around a new baby or drinking excessively, or drinking at all and then co sleeping, is very dangerous.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/10/2024 12:06

I believe you are right according to the guidelines