To not want my smoker DH to sleep with me and baby?

Co sleeping is fine but not with a smoker. It stinks and lingers on their clothes for ages.

I didn't let my DH sleep in the same room as me and the baby if he'd been smoking. Like yours he said he'd quit and initially did, but then took it back up again later, so he had to sleep in the spare room. I'd been clear about that boundary from early on, so he knew the deal.

Have you read the lullaby information. We can't protect them out and about but in their bedroom of their home from their parents?

I would strongly judge a smoking parents putting their child in known danger. And yes I would put a lifetime of health issues or worse for a baby up against a man sleeping elsewhere for a period of time.

I'd ask him to do the research and make an informed decision. He needs to look at the dangers he needs to consider what he's doing himself. If you tell him not to come to bed etc then you seem like a nag and being too dramatic. (I would be the same btw).

There are also some surprising statistics about children whose parents smoke (even if it's just 2 or 3 a day) being hugely more likely to become smokers themselves. And how it's very unlikely if neither parent smokes that the child will.

Also tell him if he wants a proper relationship with his child and be able to snuggle with them too,he needs to stop, there's no trying about it, it needs to happen.

It soundsl ike he is following good hygiene routines so the risk is very low and minimal. I wouldnt be able to be with a smoker so I dont have any tolerance at all but he is a smoker and he has a child, like many parents who smoke so you just have to work with it.

Even better make him stop.

Don't feel bad about "nagging" him, he was supposed to quit and hasn't. These are the consequences.

Think of it this way - it IS an extra risk, it may be a tiny one but if the worst did happen and he was in the room then you would both blame the smoking and that doesn’t bear thinking about. For the sake of never being put in that position, yup I’d be in the spare room - even more so if I were him rather than you. It’s an extra incentive for him to quit too.

Totally normal, I certainly did and I'd hazard a guess that the majority of parents on this site have coslept with a baby, either just once or twice or more regularly! The advice is never to do it with a smoker in the bed (even if they've showered etc), I think a PP shared the Lullaby Trust guidance so that's worth sharing with him. Totally fine and safe to cosleep in most circumstances (baby not premature etc) - as long as you follow the guidelines (I had to familiarise myself with them out of sleep deprivation induced desperation so I understand!!)

If you ever bring baby into the bed with you then he absolutely must not be bed sharing with you both, it increases SIDS risk. Agree with PP saying he should be trying to get rid of the last 2 (hard I know, my DH used champix(?) when I got pregnant) and showering/changing clothes after a cig. Absolutely disagree with PP saying the health risks are 'probably minimal', you sound like you've read the proper guidance which is what you should be following so follow your gut on this.

I bought a vape and used the NHS Quit smoking app, it gives you daily updates what improvements you body will be going through but it also gives you a running total of how much money you have saved from quitting, you just put in how much you pay for them now and how much a packet costs and it works the rest out - this was what actually helped me quite - I couldn't justify how much it cost me a week

I wouldn't even be making a baby with a smoker. But I guess that ship has sailed. Deal breaker for me.

Agree with this, I think the health risks are really very minimal if he's not smoking around the baby, changing clothes and brushing teeth before bed etc. I say this as someone who would absolutely never date a smoker, it was one of my hard dealbreakers and I would leave my husband if he started smoking so I totally get where you are coming from in wanting him to quit and YANBU for pushing him to quit for his own health's sake now that you have a baby to think about but the risk to baby in the situation you described is surely very small. I was a child of the 80s and my dad chain smoked constantly around us, indoors and in the car etc. Clearly not ideal by today's standards but we all survived and thrived.

Absolutely ridiculous

Living with a smoker parent and having a baby is not compatible, unless either you are prepared to take the extra risks to baby's health or unless the smoker is prepared to wash their hair, change their clothes, brush their teeth and tongue, and wait 30 minutes after smoking each time, before they can more safely parent baby.

And you are worried about seeming mean? He should have researched and realised this a long time ago...

Get him to try a proper vape, not a nicotine inhaler one
I started smoking at 12 and ended up on 30 a day. Vaping is the only reason I quit, even if I did need it constantly for the first week!

I think the guidelines are probably there for a reason.

@cosleep totally agree that it’s v hard to stop.

I don’t think you should worry about seeming mean. The risk is the baby dies of SIDS. Surely it’s not worth it.

If he holds the baby after smoking he is exhaling fumes in the baby’s face. He really needs to stop. The idea that he would wait 30 mins to hold the baby is ridiculous, you can’t timetable when a baby needs holding!

Does he change his clothes and shower after each cigarette? If not, he needs to do so, he’s bringing everything back indoors with him whether he sleeps in a different room or not.

He needs to removing his clothes, showering and not hold the baby for 30 mins after smoking.

I wouldn’t let him co sleep with the baby in the same bed.

I wouldn’t be bothered about him sleeping in the same room with the baby in the next to me. Ask him to change clothes and have a shower before bed, and obviously don’t let him smoke around the baby.

I would also ask him to smoke in the garden rather than the garage. It’s winter now and it might help him quit if he has to stand in the rain!

I am an ex smoker, quitting is very difficult, vaping helped me quit.

Just explain that you are worried about the safety aspect of him smoking and sharing a room with the baby - share the link with the guidelines.