Friend in trouble, police at my door.

Only if there's evidence of it. If as is implied in the op the boy was being sneaky about it and always doing it out of sight/earshot of staff then when an investigation is done nothing is found. The school will then inform the police that it was an unfounded allegation of racist bullying which could backfire on the woman in question as it then looks like she's targeting the child.

If you'd actually bothered to read the thread, Op already has given her statement hours ago. As she should have. I'm really confused as to why you and some other posters seem to think giving a statement is somehow "telling" on her friend, as if they are kids themselves 🙄

It was in a playground. There were multiple witnesses, the incident is going to be investigated regardless of whether OP gets involved or not. She's not "informing" on her friend like a spy for the Stasi, ffs.

The benefit of OP giving a statement is that she is likely the only one going to be even vaguely on the friend's side and able to back up her rationale (even if she doesn't condone her actions) by confirming it has been an ongoing issue, child has been badly affected, friend tried going to the school first etc.

Without OPs statement the ONLY accounts will be from people like the child's mum who is hardly going to be objective, and possibly random bystanders who are only going to have seen a woman running over to a scared child screaming she was going to kill him, which, particularly out of context is going to be interpreted very badly.

There's also the possibility that other witnesses might (either deliberately if they are friends of bully child's mum, or by mistake) make the event sound even worse. If the police officer took two statements saying "I'm pretty sure she actually hit the child" and OP didn't give a statement then they are less likely to believe the friend if she is the only one insisting she didn't. But at least if OP, as a semi-objective observer also says "no there is no way she made contact" then it casts doubt on it.

Giving an accurate witness statement is actually the best thing OP could have done to support her friend.

@andIsaid Hear hear.

I hope your child is doing a bit better?

My dc was bullied.

The school focused on the bully, teaching how not to bully. They (quietly) told me that he came from contentious home circumstances.

I asked why they presumed that my dc didn't. How they could know?

Their intervention consisted of teaching my dc to "use your voice" (they had), tell a teacher (be a snitch), move seats (the bully never had to move) and so on.

The conceit now is that bullies come from trauma, therefore we treat them carefully, and almost entirely ignore their victims.

It beggars belief.

You get thrown up against walls of bureaurcracy, and, walls of language that are designed to impede rather than resolve.

I expect that is what happened the mother in this case, and while it is not acceptable to rage like that, I completely understand her.

Now of course, everyone is looking at the mad woman, not at the racist abuse the nasty little chap threw around the playground. That, of course, validates him and yet another unsavoury character is formed.

@Heronwatcher I think we all know that @Playgroundincident 's friend has not come up with a solution to bullying: that she hasn't covered herself in glory.

I'm just looking at it from the point of view of a parent whose DC is a victim of bullying and feels frustrated that there is very little recourse.

The person I feel most sorry for in all of this is the ten year old girl who has been bullied. I was also wondering if the @Playgroundincident 's daughter is going to be made to suffer at school.

@RandomWordsThrownTogether so far as I can see from the posts of the OP we don’t know what the racist bullying was (let alone whether it was extreme), what the school have been doing so far or what the school had planned to do if there was a further incident. We also only have the account of the OP based on what her friend told her, not what the school has said or what the other child has said. We simply don’t know whether quite a few of your assumptions are correct.

What country are you in?

The 10 year old isn’t a small innocent child - he is a nasty little racist. My nephew is 10, my friends kids are 10, I remember being 10 - at that age you have a pretty clear understanding of right and wrong. As someone pointed out Jamie Bulger’s killers were 10. You have kids committing suicide over bullying, people carry that trauma for life. If I was the woman I would have lost it at the school and reported it at a higher level - the school failed her daughter and the boy’s parents failed her daughter and their son who is not learning about accountability or how yo treat other human beings, I do understand why she lost it at the boy, not something I would do but I understand how frustrated and helpless she must have felt and how that can cause a person to snap, particularly if she had experienced similar in the past.

I actually would state to anyone that asked that while you do not agree with your friends actions there had been a long campaign of extreme racist bullying that had not been addressed at school or by the boys parents and your friend had snapped. Yes it was wrong but also pretty understandable given the circumstances.

I would also message my friend to say that I feel awful for what her and her daughter have endured and no one should suffer that but that she should resist threatening the horrible child as it could lead to her getting in trouble instead. Tell her the correct action would be to put in formal complaints about the school for not adequately addressing bullying and formally report the child to the police for hate speech. I would also get the girl something to set to record every time she is in the line or in the school yard and record what he says. Unfortunately horrible little boys that aren’t held to account grow up to be horrible adults.

Now a ten year old can do what they hell they like, and people will describe them as a "small child" and say no adult should make them feel bad or punish them in any way.

@HerbFan no one has said that. Of course the child should face consequences. And serious ones if it continues. But far better to find out why they are being racist, where it’s come from and work with the family than have that child threatened in the school playground by an adult saying they were going to kill them.

We don’t know what the school has done but there’s a very big chance that the behaviour of the OPs friend will have completely ruined the schools efforts and turned the tables so that the bully and their parents can now play the victim card. She’s played right into their hands.

If she’d continued to raise it with school and if necessary taken the racial abuse to the police herself then it’s likely she would have got something done (a child would have eventually been excluded in my school if the racism continued). Now the school is back at square one, the OP’s friend could be facing serious criminal charges and both kids will suffer.

If you are a mandated reporter then you also have to accept it puts you in the line of fire every time you find yourself caught up in anything to do with children/vulnerable adults, and make sure your friends and neighbors understand the position you have upfront and know where you stand on it.

I'm not, but know people who are. I've recently dealt with a horrible incident to try to protect a not at all nice child in a complicated situation, and it's been badly handled and now I and my family are publicly under threat of revenge by those who believe it's 'grassing' and 'snitches get stitches' and 'we' all have a common code of 'take sides' and 'gossip but don't report' conduct.
I didn't sign up to their bullshit and am not going to be intimidated (ok not admit to being intimidated!) by it now.

A child is a child, even when it's a horrible little scroat.

You made the decision to make a statement, you've tried to be honest and fair regardless of feelings, so accept others around you expect you to take sides according to their codes of conduct, not yours, or your careers and walk away.

My 'naice' neighbors hid from awful events that horrified everyone who witnessed them, and are now ignoring the abuse and threats publicly hurled at me.
You can only negotiate these things before events, not afterwards.

Those who want drama will go after it, and those who want peace won't take your side.

That's exactly what you've repeatedly implied.
By refusing to give a witness statement you're effectively condoning her behaviour whilst impeding a police investigation into a dangerous child abuser

Yeah i would never have given a statement to the police, i don't imagine shes a very close friend of yours and if she is then i understand her upset.

This is not your problem op. You did nothing wrong here. Why are people coming for you. Just be honest with all with the facts. Thats all you can do. Do not retaliate on whatsapps. Radio silence, as hard as that will be. Racial abuse is not on. Yes the child is 10 yo. This will all blow over soon. Keep yourself to yourself, everyone will want to know the gossip

My previous post at 14.38 needs clarifying.

Bullying is definitely becoming more prevalent. It's not just that we hear about it more. It's happening more frequently. I think it's because we all know so much more about each other's lives and inner landscape now.

That effect this has is that whose who aren't happy with the hand they've been dealt in life pass on this unhappiness. In the past they would have had no choice but to keep their poisonous thoughts and intentions to themselves. They knew that there would be consequences to their actions if they chose to bully. Whether that would be being punished by the teacher or headteacher, or their own parents, or that the child they're bullying's older sibling would get involved and frighten the bully to the extent that they stop. Or when they started work, someone would decide they needed a taste of their own medicine.

(I realise this did not always happen and sometimes the bully got away with it, but there was more of a natural sorting.)

Now a ten year old can do what they hell they like, and people will describe them as a "small child" and say no adult should make them feel bad or punish them in any way.

His parents clearly see no wrong in his behaviour (I mean, do they think this has all blown up out of absolutely nothing?). The school have had no effect on him, the police involvement will all be about the scary lady shouting at him. His victim will probably be the one who has to move schools. The victim's mother's life will get even worse. @Playgroundincident's life will not be improved by any of this.

All because some utter little bullying shit can do what the hell he likes and the WhatsApp group will swooop to his aid.

It looks like he will come out of it having learned nothing at all.

In 2024 I can’t be the only one that is shocked and horrified that this level of racism has been allowed to happen in any school in our country.

If it was my friend and I'd seen how badly the situation was affecting her and her child? 100% I would not give a statement to the police.

You need to keep calm. Speak only to those you are obliged to speak to, answering the questions you are asked truthfully. Do not volunteer information or opinion to anyone but the police, and absolutely nothing on SM or verbally to anyone else. Do not refer to any details of the incident in messages to your friend. This is a hugely messy situation and the more you speak the more embroiled you will get. Silence is your friend here.

This will be her defence, legally as well as morally. The mother and child are the victims as well. This will not a straight forward case, due to the racist harassment. A child of ten is culpable. At ten in the eyes of the law a child knows right from wrong.

And sadly typical of life.
I'm glad someone else sees it.

The fact that he’s 10 has no bearing, zero bearing on the fact that it is never acceptable to verbally threaten to kill anyone. Ever.

Really you'd protect someone who threatened to kill a 10 year old child

There is absolutely no excuse for an adult to threaten to kill a child.

She sounds absolutely unhinged and I would end the friendship.

Children learn a language of insults at school and reinforce them amongst themselves, which is why they need a zero-tolerance policy to racist, sexist and homophobic remarks when overheard/reported, but to imagine they don't use these the rest of the time is a bit naive, I'm afraid.

Unfortunately as you've given a statement, you will now be called as a witness if it goes to court

Racism can come from lots of places, schools are full of homophobic, racist and sexist bullying and comments, and not all those involved will have homophobic, racist and sexist parents, calling other children certain names is very much a pack behaviour, which is why the school need a very strong anti-racist stance and policy of intervention.

Don't stoke the fires by saying 'it must be from the parents'. The child who said something racist to my child was from parents who were most definitely not racist and didn't care about our background at all- it was more similar to a Daily Mail headline and something they'd clearly picked up from school.