Friend in trouble, police at my door.

Reply to your friend saying that the school contacted the police not you and they have been to see you to get a statement as you assume the other parents who were there.
She’s probably maybe come by your house and seen then arrive/leave and just assumed.

The other mums, I guess at this time there’s nothing you can say that won’t make them just more angry

Actually I lie I did understand as it's a bloody injustice.

If it wasn't about colour and just about bullying some reply's would be different I bet...

As someone whos white passing see her non white passing son experience racism so much throughout the years it's disgusting.

Imagine your child being bullied for a prolong amount of time.
Even when you're in the same playground and the school do nothing about it.
It won't have been the first time either in my experience.

At one time your parental instincts kick in and you fight to protect your child, you see red and tell the child off.
Maybe threats to kill are too far but jeez come on if anyone else had threatened their child's long time bully I'm sure a lot of people would be like good on that mum.

Now lots of people are even telling you to drop the mum as a friend.

It's sometimes a natural protective instinct after your child being heartbroken for so long and no one doing anything about it.

But I doubt many of you would understand as I didn't until I had my obviously mixed child.

I'm sorry you are in the middle of this. Don't do anything else, you have presumably told the police how provoked your friend was. Do stress to her that it wasn't you who reported the incident, none of this is your fault. Now leave it unless you are asked questions again.

Your friend did go OTT but she had tried the gentle way and that hadn't worked. I hope she doesn't get into too much trouble, a reprimand would suffice imo. Racist abuse, or abuse of any type, is bullying and awful. However it was a child who did it and must have learned it from adults, shame on them. We cannot put old heads on young shoulders.

This will die down. Stay loyal to your friend but try to limit involvement.

The police came to her house asking for a statement 😵‍💫 what else should she have done? 😵‍💫

Ignore the WhatsApp - leave them to gossip.

Tell the mum of the racist little shit not to contact you any further, or you will contact the police about her threats.

Tell your friend that you didn't report her, that the police have come and taken a statement. Reiterate that you can't condone her actions, but you are there if she wants to talk.

Leave the ball in her court.

For what it's worth, it doesn't read like you could have done any more than you did, and I think that providing the police with an idea of where this out of character behaviour came from was the right thing to do.

Why did you give a statement to the police about it? You didnt have to do that.

Her behaviour was out of order, but I'd not be friends with someone who gave a statement to the police about me. I cant believe you've done that

Report the threats to school and police.
Tell your friend the truth and then distance yourself as this is a terrible mess.
One short message to the Whatsapp group - saying 'shocking situation, I don't want to be involved in this ongoing, I did my best in difficult circumstances'. Then mute the group or leave it.

In order for something to be a hate crime there must first be a crime. ‘Hate’ is an aggravating factor to a crime. So racial abuse is only a hate crime if the abuse itself reaches a criminal threshold. The school should not be recording his abuse as a ‘hate crime’ as the school is not a judicial body and cannot find a child guilty of a crime, still less without a trial. They can record incidents of racial abuse.

Report threats to school, take screen shots of everything.
If threats are of a violent nature, report to police, immediately. It's witness intimidation.

Speak to Education Welfare, preferably get an email address for them so it can be in writing, same as school (paper trial is very important). Tell Edu Welfare what has led to this, schools lack of action over racial harassment, lack of reporting to Prevent.

With the police, you will need to be a witness, so for now you cannot speak to the friend as you are now a witness due to her behaviour. There will be conditions on her after they find her including not speaking to you. You will have to be honest with the police, explain what you have here but don't try and make excuses for her. You need to distance yourself.

A small statement on the WhatsApp of "this is now a legal matter and so I will not be responding to comments as it is in the hands of the police, any threats however will be reported appropriately". Don't engage, they want a scapegoat because let's be frank, your friend will be banned at the very least from the school, if not asked to find an alternative placement.

Your friend needs to speak to a advocacy team, there are many online. Shouting and threatening a ten year old is inexcusable but the school needs to be taken to task for failing to deal with the bullying.

At pick up/drop off, do not discuss or engage. Have your phone ready to record any threats. Ask school for support. You really don't want to be seen as condoning her behaviour.

police and school - be honest
friend - be honest, support her but stand your ground that it wasn’t the right thing to do and there are ways to handle things for a reason.
school WhatsApp- I’m sorry you feel that way @…, @… however this incident was nothing to do with me and I stepped in as quickly as I could to diffuse it. I won’t be discussing it any further. Call out the mixing mammies - always feel they are on there to throw in a grenade and then sit eating popcorn watching it all kick off.

Tbf I think sometimes if you are shocked it can delay a reaction. Its not unusual to sort of freeze when something happens unexpectedly or not know what to do. It sounds like it spiralled quite quickly.
I quoted also because your suggestion of Whatsapp message is good.

I would say on the WhatsApp that you did all you could to diffuse the situation but that as there is now an active investigation it would be wrong for anyone to comment further. I assume the police haven’t told you not to mention their involvement. They should stop all speculation anyway as it could be contempt of court. The messages could also be used in evidence.

Honestly you also need to distance yourself from your friend too- I don’t see an issue with telling her it wasn’t you who reported her but if she’s so quick to think it was you (when I imagine tens of people saw her) is she really a friend?

Plus what she did was very wrong, there is no excuse for threatening a 10 yr old- however much of a shit time she’s had. Chances are if your DD fell out with hers she’d get the same treatment.

I think stick one brief message on the WhatsApp saying it has nothing to do with you, that you were there at school like many others but that was it. You could say that whilst you are sympathetic to those involved you don't want to be involved in any further discussion about it etc.
This is upsetting, I hope you're ok. None of it is your fault.

It was obviously the school that reported the incident to the police. They have a legal duty to keep children safe, and will therefore need to ensure that someone who confronted and threatened a child on their premises is not able to do so in future. This incident needs to be dealt with through official channels and involving the police is a first step in that direction.

To the mum of racist kid I would send one message stating that you had no prior idea that your friend was going to act in the way she did. Once you realised what she had done, you removed her from the situation. You are not in any way culpable for her actions so don't apologise even out of politeness or empathy.

I'd be adding a simple statement to the Whatsapp group:

"I was as surprised as the rest of you when this happened. I helped remove her from the situation to de-escalate it, so I'm not sure why I'm getting grief for it. She and her daughter have been going through a torrid time this year and clearly she went too far, but none of this is my responsibility. I have been threatened and bullied for simply being friends with her. I will not hesitate to report any further harassment of me or anyone to the police."

As PP have said, the Whatsapp group seems to thrive on drama and gossip.

It wasn't the right way about it, but I really hope the little shit she shouted at has had a bit of a lesson in not being a racist little git.

Just hold your head up and ignore any jibes; you were a witness and have been blamed as you’re her friend.
As for the friendship, it’s likely to be over but I would tell her you didn’t report her but what she did was outrageous. She’s made things so much worse for her daughter too.
Archive the WhatsApp groups you don’t see the posts about the incident, if others ask you about it then say you can’t talk as you’ve given a statement. Keep the school informed of any developments.

That’s awful OP. Ignore those saying you should have stepped in sooner - they’re clearly delusional and not reading your updates.

In the WhatsApp group “Stop blaming me/my child for someone else’s behaviour and actions, I am not responsible for them. X and her child have suffered racial abuse for a while now, this is not acceptable and will be reported” then leave the group. Contact school and police and report the racial abuse. Then leave them all to sort it out.

Talk to school and police. Everyone else can fuck off. Mute the WhatsApp until it all blows over.

She didn't take a minute at all, she was in a different part of the playground and then ran over immediately when she heard the commotion ffs.

It’s ridiculous that you’re being blamed. If the boy’s mum is threatening you I think you should report that, as well as making it clear that the boy’s racist bullying has been going on for months.

I hope your friend put the fear of God into him.

Why would the head tell op to stay away?

There were probably dozens of parents who didn't do anything.

Op took a minute to grasp what her friend did and then took her friend away.

That's it.

None of this is the ops fault at all. It's easy to sit here with all the facts and say what op should have done, in real life most of us would take a minute to comprehend what was happening.

Read all of OP's posts.

My first instinct would be to emigrate to the moon after that! 😱

In reality, I'd tell the What'sApp group something like, "Not sure why people are blaming me for the actions of another adult. I was in shock and had no idea! You all saw it, I'm guessing you all stood there in shock like me for the same reason!" While some loudmouths might be throwing accusations around, there'll be the quiet ones who haven't said anything either way who you can probably salvage some sort of working relationship with for the sake of birthday parties etc for your child.

I'd also let the friend go. She might usually be lovely but this level of drama is really not great and you're getting dragged into it by association. She's mad at you anyway and hurling unfounded accusations at you about calling the police so the friendship is probably over anyway. Someone who threatens to kill a child on their worst day isn't someone I'd want to know and certainly wouldn't fight to keep that friendship.

Honestly though the parents at this school sound like they're just full of drama.