Friend in trouble, police at my door.

Turn what's app off and use commonsense, your Instincts are always right, what she did wasn't the right way, but she has a good reason.

Incredible that someone might feel offended by calling the bully a thug but not by the racism he was happy to mete out 🙄

The students I taught were all convinced this was because the employers have quotas of who to employ and this is enforced by the government.

They aren’t too far from the truth though. Some organisations do have targets - eg the Met Police had a target of 40% of recruits being BAME:

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2020/nov/13/met-police-told-40-of-recruits-must-be-from-bame-backgrounds

The BBC also have targets:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/commissioning/diverse-productions#:~:text=For%20all%20new%20commissions%20from,deaf%2C%20disabled%20and%2For%20neurodivergent

As does the private sector:

https://www.bt.com/about/bt/our-people/diversity-and-inclusion

The forms are for monitoring to make sure protected characteristics are not discriminated against in the recruitment process but good intentions can lead to poor outcomes. BT moved research offices from an area with a low ethnic minority population, high levels of deprivation, poor educational outcomes, few high level employers and a huge investment by the local university specifically to meet the company’s needs, in order to try and increase recruitment of ethnic minorities.

There is nothing wrong with the use of the word ‘thug’ in this context. The definition is ‘a violent man or ruffian’. In the USA there have been claims that ‘thug’ is used in place of the n word in various contexts, but this is clearly not the case here in the UK. No need for yet more policing.

Please don't use the word thug. It has a lot of racist connotations.
There are quite a few articles written on this if you are interested to learn why.

Not in the UK, though, and MN is based in the UK.

What does thug mean in the UK?

a tough and violent man
thug in British English

1. a tough and violent man, esp a criminal. 2. ( sometimes capital) (formerly) a member of an organization of robbers and assassins in India who typically strangled their victims.

No need to police our language.

sounds like this is getting out of hand .person who posted obviously wanted help and advice .i posted on here myself lately and had to have thread taken down sometimes its maybe better to go with what you feel is right as none of us know real story and werent there . only person who posted thread can make decision wether to stand by her friend and everyone has a breaking point

Please don't use the word thug. It has a lot of racist connotations.

There are quite a few articles written on this if you are interested to learn why.

feel so bad for your friend everyone has there breaking point . and to see your child been bullied and nothing done must be hard to deal with but it does happen. .seems strange a ten year old would do this, sounds like hears this sort of thing at home. but will always get bullies in all walks of life not just over colour of you skin,just because they see an easy target,who wont retaliate

There is something that seems to be missing here and that is the cultural element.

I am in no way an expert on Zimbabwe and it's culture, my experience is just from teaching some adults from Zimbabwe and chatting with them.

From what I gather reporting something to the police is a major betrayal.

Racism is a big part of the lives of people in / from Zimbabwe. And I hesitate to say this as it sounds like victim blaming, but I cannot find a way to write this that doesn't hint at victim blaming and that is sometimes racism is seen even when it is not intended eg when you apply for a job there is usually a page where you declare your ethnicity. In Britain you just tick the box and don't think much else about it. The students I taught were all convinced this was because the employers have quotas of who to employ and this is enforced by the government.

OP

I agree with everyone else who says 1 message on What's app and then radio silence. Maybe say, "I had no idea what was about to happen, I was blindsided and reacted as quickly as I could"

One text to your friend, "The school has a duty of care to all pupils, they had to call the police"

How are things for your friend? Has she spoken to the school?

Whilst it is clearly not ideal to say such things to a child, it sounds like she has snapped. Probably feeling besieged by everyone at this point. I think many have underestimated the impact of the riots, a rise in racism generally being seen, the exhaustion of being made to feel less than for a life time, and now seeing your child suffer the same. It’s too much.

Let’s hope the bully in question remembers what happens when you racially bully another, he might not be so quick to do it again after this. Whilst I do not condone this behaviour, I do believe he is more than old enough to know precisely what he is doing. Every child from a young age is educated to understand the severity and impact of racism.

I am so glad that you have looked beyond this outburst, and seen it as a final straw moment. Your friend needs help and support, not condemnation.

This thread highlights how little is understood about this subject, and some are clearly ignorant and/or racist themselves.

Report bully kids mum to police and file charges for cyber bullying as well as racial abuse as a hate crime from both her and her son. Both are serious crimes that you can prove as long as you take some screenshots.

My DD faces racist snide remarks in secondary school all the time. She’s a brilliant student, top of the class, and I know part of the comments are motivated by jealousy. Her friends have reported it to teachers but nothing is ever done. She copes because she has some lovely friends.

Some of the teachers are racist and ignorant too. It’s sad but typical of life. I’ve just told her to rise above it and work harder, do better, and she’ll be out of the school in a few years anyway. She herself feels sorry for the good teachers, she says what can they do.

This is why it’s hard for people who have never experienced racism to understand, how tired it makes you, to deal with this every day. It wears you down and eventually, some day, you will snap.

I feel for your friend, OP. I hope her daughter finds a better school.

It is a take that several people have, that the 10 yos reported behaviour that has no witnesses, will absolutely result in criminal charges for him, whereas the mothers behaviour which has multiple witnesses is absolutely fine, and nothing will be done... bizarre!!

So in your world a ten year old making snide comments is a crime and the word of another ten year old is enough to convict. But an adult screaming profanities and threats to hit and kill a ten year old in a school playground in front witnesses is not?

the case would almost certainly fall apart just on the grounds of proving beyond all reasonable doubt that the threat to kill was serious and intentional (this is very challenging even with the most severe cases)

Public Order offences require no such thing.

Which is why we would need to see concrete evidence. No one here knows if anything exists and is just speculating. What we do know factually happened though, is the verbal and physical intimidation of a child as seen by witnesses.

Not really because in these cases during a trial everyone will almost certainly have a different opinion and memory of what happened. More witnesses can complicate even straight forward cases.

He is legally culpable, I am afraid and if he has sent any SM messages, voice mails or any other evidence that would support a case op’s friend is well within her rights to speak to the police about it if the school have failed to address it.

The mother on the other hand, with witnesses as there were, could be in some real trouble.

Good luck charging a 10 year old for hearsay racism. This absolutely wouldn’t make it to court. He would not be culpable for anything. Don’t make me laugh.

This is complicated as your friend could easily choose to have the racist bully charged as well. He is legally culpable at ten years old.

This won’t make it court with your friend, and if it did it would make an interesting case as all witnesses would be invited to attend, including op and everyone in the playground at the time.

I guarantee everyone will have a different take on the ‘facts’ and indeed the case would almost certainly fall apart just on the grounds of proving beyond all reasonable doubt that the threat to kill was serious and intentional (this is very challenging even with the most severe cases)

I sincerely hope op’s friend is getting some support.

Hundred often emulate their parents behaviours so the bullying of the daughter is likely to be six of one and half a dozen of the other and the boy is calling her nasty names in retaliation m.

The mother is a nasty thug.

Steer clear of them all.

Who threatens to kill a 10 year old 😳

Tell them all to eff off. People who try to blame someone else for another persons actions are the worst kind. Playgrounds are full of bored people like this who love a bit of drama in their boring lives. Don’t explain yourself. Divert them back to the psycho parent who threatened a kid. And the r parents of the racist kid. Let them all deal with each other.