He hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend...

In what way is he famous, OP?

It sounds very much as though you are already his girlfriend, and you are both behaving as such. I’m another who is married to a man who never actually asked me to be his girlfriend, we just.. were. I don’t think it’s a given that people ask.
That being said, are you worrying because you feel he’s being a bit evasive when you do bring it up?

*relationship (not relatively)

It sounds like there's a few more stages to a relatively these days.

If you were born before 1995 then:

• You go out together more than once = pretty much instant girlfriend/boyfriend/exclusive and everyone knows that
• You move in together or you get engaged

If you're born after 1995:

• You meet someone and start 'seeing them' on more than one occasion
• You have a discussion about 'being exclusive' some point down the line
• You officially become boyfriend/ girlfriend on Instagram (high commitment level)
• You move in together and/or get engaged

A lot of people here are trying to make you feel dumb about this OP, and I wouldn't pay them any attention. Indirectly calling you a '6yr old' or the old 'it wasn't like this in my day' isn't relevant or helpful.

The only thing that matters here is if they way he is treating you and communicating with you meets your needs in terms of what you are looking for. If you are looking for someone who is actively thinking of you and describing you as a girlfriend, then that's OK – those are your standards and you should not drop them because you feel anxiety about a) what you think other couples may or may not be doing or b) what people on the internet tell you you should feel.

The early months of dating, when you are dating with intention (eg, you want to establish the road for a longterm relationship, marriage and kids) is a very vulnerable place, and I do think think it matters that both partners are vocal and honest about what is going on in their heads and what they want to happen in the future.

It's important to you that the person you are with calls you and think of you as his girlfriend, and 4 months in to exclusively dating, having met friends and his sister, I would expect a 31yr old man to be able to provide you with this if he is the right person for you to stay with.

But do yourself a favour – be strong in who you are and what you want out of a relationship and do not compromise on it. Do not lower your standards because someone you've known for 4 months isn't meeting them – don't give them that power, because they don't deserve it.

Buck up the courage to sit him down and say you are looking for someone to call a boyfriend and to call you a girlfriend, and that it matters to you that this milestone in dating is reached. Tell him you are dating with intention and not casually (if you are) and that you need to date someone who is on the same page as you.

You will weed out a lot of shit men and save yourself a lot of time and heartache by being your own best advocate. Good luck.

My DH never asked me to be his girlfriend, it was just assumed due to the amount of time we spent together. We've been together 5 years and met OLD.

What's wrong with having an adult conversation if it's bothering you?

Sitting around waiting to hear the words "Will you be my girlfriend?" makes you sound about 10.

You could always play kiss chase and if you catch him, he's yours.

OP, can you expand on how you have "subtly brought this up"? I would have expected him to say "well, obviously we are gf and bf" but im mid 40s and accept that nowadays there tends to be more of a separation between dating and gf/bf statuses. Maybe, despite only a 4 year age gap hes more in the "assume gf/bf based on actions" generation.

I think id wait till the 6 month mark and note his actions and be reassured by him wanting something long term. Then raise it again a bit more directly. I would also say that its easy for someone to say the right words, it's his actions that I would focus on for now. Is he supportive? Does he make time for you? Is the relationship progressing? Does he include you (to some extent) in his life...?

Exclusive = Girlfriend

Oh. If he's famous you're at extra risk of him seeing other people / you misunderstanding the situation, only because other women are so accessible to him.

I'd ask him outright, what is this, if you're not happy with the above.

You’re going to f*ck this up by being too intense and needy. It’s all going well so chill.

If you’re worried about not having friends, put some effort into changing that. It’ll give you another outlet for your energy instead of channelling it all into this relationship, when it’s still early days.

I honestly couldn't cope with today's dating world. The extensive dating before "becoming exclusive" then becoming "Instagram official". Also, nowadays women and men are supposed to be equals, but women are still waiting for men to do the asking - to become gf/bf, to propose etc.

OP, it's been 4 months and you seem to be exclusive, so just ask him to be your boyfriend. If he says no then at least you know where you stand.

This.
I, too, don't understand this current world anymore
😂

Surely this is all a bit Love Islandish. You are dating, you are enjoying one another's company, you are together. My husband never asked me to be his girlfriend, we just became what we are.

Exclusive isn't enough for you? He's 31, if you're that immature to need him to call you his girlfriend (do you want him to post it all over SM too?), he might agree you aren't on the same level and you won't need to worry about it.

Only been dating 4 months, clinginess is a red flag.

What does it mean to you to be his girlfriend? A long term exclusive relationship? The word itself isn’t much use.

You simply need to discuss it.

@Anothernamechane is right - this is absolutely a thing among twentysomethings but not necessarily with even slightly older people. I know because my children and their partners span this age range and have negotiated different expectations around this issue. OP, he’s enough older than you that he may or may not have the same ideas as you about what’s going on. As others have said, ask him what he thinks is happening. He might say “I thought you already were my girlfriend “, if he has a thirty something take on it, or he might have the same perspective as you do. Either way, if he’s a decent guy he shouldn’t object to the conversation at this stage, and if he does, best to find out sooner rather than later, surely?

Come on woman, you’ve just defended a PhD thesis and you can’t ask a man, who is obviously your boyfriend, to have a conversation about the status of your relationship?

It does actually sound like you’re taking everything at a sensible pace, so just have the chat!

FWIW, I always worked on the basis that first 4-6 months it was fair to assume not monogamous unless agreed otherwise (which you have). After 4-6 months, it’s fair to assume monogamy, unless agreed otherwise. But if fair assumptions aren’t for you, ask!

Perhaps he hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend because it's evident that you are, in fact, his girlfriend?

The 'not in any rush' thing is fine, you've only been together four months. If he's still saying that in a year, it's more of an issue.

What is this obsession these days with people having to be asked to be someone’s girlfriend/boyfriend? I don’t think I’ve heard people ask that question since school!

If you’ve been together for several months, and you’re going on holiday, I’d say you’re already his girlfriend. I’m only in my early 30’s, but this whole concept is totally foreign to me. We never needed to ask, it just happened naturally.

My partner never asked me to be his girlfriend. We were out socially and an ex colleague of his asked him if I was his daughter and he said I was his girlfriend. 😂 This was two weeks after our first kiss, we had been friends a few months before that.

😂😂

Well you are his girlfriend. Why do you want him to say "will you be my girlfriend" when you already are?

This is true, but that usually happens when it's more casual for the first couple of months and you haven't agreed to be exclusive. Given these two were exclusive from the start I think that cancels out the need for this conversation. Exclusive is basically the same as being official/boyfriend/girlfriend in my book

You're (presumably) and adult, if it really annoys him say something like so are we officially boyfriend and girlfriend now?