Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to change my whatsapp settings to remove my last seen?

88 replies

Ponystories · 21/10/2024 08:24

My friend stalks me on whatsapp. She stalks everyone. She will send a message and then:
If you have been last seen but either not read or replied to her message she will get arsey. She will then regularly check your last seen. She will get arsey in that you'll either get a short reply or she will purposely wait ages to reply, like you did to her (her words).

She will comment that I was up late ie she saw my last seen at eg 1/2am

If I turn off my last seen she will get the arse. But I'm tired of her games and feeling like I'm being watched. I feel like I need an excuse to turn off my last seen. She will 100% ask me why I did it.

OP posts:
AutumnLeaves24 · 21/10/2024 09:45

I wish you could turn then off for one person & it wasn't just on/off for everyone.

longapple · 21/10/2024 09:43

you can't turn off read receipts for group chats though, those always show.

Itisjustmyopinion · 21/10/2024 09:43

I switched mine off years ago - just do it you will feel better

I also see a lot of people switching off their blue read ticks now. That is slightly more annoying but I would never be arsey with someone if they did that as they obviously have their reasons

MsMila · 21/10/2024 09:41

All of mine are also turned off. It helps others mind their own business a bit more. I didn't like feeling obligated to reply quickly, or at all , depending on who it was. No need for people to be able to check if you've read their messages.

Blahblahblah2 · 21/10/2024 09:40

Just turn it off. I did this ages ago, and also the blue ticks. They're totally pointless and just trigger crazy people like your friend.

longapple · 21/10/2024 09:38

TallulahBetty · 21/10/2024 09:22

Turn it off - but be aware that it still shows you as online when you are. So if she is online at the same time as you, she will be able to see.

You can turn the online status off as well.

I turned off my last seen, online status and my read receipts a while ago and I hadn't realised how tense they made me feel until they were gone.

TubeScreamer · 21/10/2024 09:33

I would distance yourself from this “friend” asap. Does it really matter if she takes offence. Sounds like you’d be much happier without her in your life.

Stepdad55 · 21/10/2024 09:27

Good advice Betty !
Obviously a very mental challenge going on sadly

Silvertulips · 21/10/2024 09:26

You can read messages without them ticking blue - you just pull them down.

Then you can reply when you want to.

Have to say I like the last seen pictures when Dsis was seriously ill I could see she was still about - not to message but just to see she was awake or alive!!

TallulahBetty · 21/10/2024 09:22

Turn it off - but be aware that it still shows you as online when you are. So if she is online at the same time as you, she will be able to see.

confusedlots · 21/10/2024 09:19

Doesn't sound like much of a friend! But if you're looking for an excuse, tell her that your manager can see your WhatsApp and you'd prefer them not to see your last seen if you're using it on work time etc

Rooroobear · 21/10/2024 09:18

I have my last seen off and also no blue ticks…I cba with the bullshit that people feel entitled to a message back straight away. If I’ve read it but requires a quick reply fine, but if I’m busy I can read and reply when I want because they can’t see I’ve read it

MeMyCatsAndI · 21/10/2024 09:17

She's not a friend if she's making you feel like you're being stalked.

I would actually send her a message next time she moans and say to her why is she so obsessed with stalking your online status and that it's creeping you out.
I'd then block her. You'll feel much better.

BodenCardiganNot · 21/10/2024 09:17

Have you issues with being assertive?

Original poster
Ponystories · 21/10/2024 09:16

Radiatar · 21/10/2024 09:11

I turned mine of years ago and wouldn’t turn it back on. It gave me anxiety!

THIS

It totally gives me anxiety.

This friend is obsessed with messaging, imo.
I feel watched/stalked/like I am being checked up on
I feel slightly violated too

OP posts:
Whatifitallgoesright · 21/10/2024 09:16

She thinks she's your boss. Do you want her to be your boss? Do you already have one that you endure because they pay you?

Does your friend pay you?

Manyshelves · 21/10/2024 09:15

Honestly, this is a non problem. Just turn off, your phone settings have got fuck all to do with anyone else

SquirrelSoShiny · 21/10/2024 09:14

The 'friend' is the problem not the app settings. Why are you giving her so much power?

MeMyCatsAndI · 21/10/2024 09:12

I turned mine off years ago, that said your friend is treating you like her property. I'd get rid of the friend!

DatingDinosaur · 21/10/2024 09:11

You should not have to change the way you live your life just to appease your arsy friend. You sound scared of her. That, in my book, isn't a friendship.

Idontlikeyou · 21/10/2024 09:11

By all means turn it off, I have. But tell her to
get lost and block her-why are you so passive?!

Radiatar · 21/10/2024 09:11

I turned mine of years ago and wouldn’t turn it back on. It gave me anxiety!

Original poster
Ponystories · 21/10/2024 09:10

Thanks all. I've purposely not been going on whatsapp as much, just because she will see I've been online and that I'm around etc and she will message galore. But this means I am missing out on other friends/family messages. As soon as I am seen online on a weekend morning i.e. I am up/awake, then she is messaging. FFS I am still in bed sometimes.
If I go abroad I leave my phone in aeroplane mode for a few extra hours even when I have landed back in the UK. Otherwise she will see my last seen/anything she has sent me in flight will then be shown as delivered and it will be 'you're back' type of thing.

OP posts:
youngestisapsycho · 21/10/2024 09:08

What is ‘last seen’ and how are you seeing it?!

Deadbeatex · 21/10/2024 09:00

You can select that only she can't see when you've last been online and she won't get read receipts. However I echo the other PPs why is she your friend and why are you putting up with this?