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Original poster

To want to change my whatsapp settings to remove my last seen?

88 replies

Ponystories · 21/10/2024 08:24

My friend stalks me on whatsapp. She stalks everyone. She will send a message and then:
If you have been last seen but either not read or replied to her message she will get arsey. She will then regularly check your last seen. She will get arsey in that you'll either get a short reply or she will purposely wait ages to reply, like you did to her (her words).

She will comment that I was up late ie she saw my last seen at eg 1/2am

If I turn off my last seen she will get the arse. But I'm tired of her games and feeling like I'm being watched. I feel like I need an excuse to turn off my last seen. She will 100% ask me why I did it.

OP posts:
TheCatterall · 21/10/2024 11:14

Why can’t you just be honest with her and ask her to give it a rest! If this was a partner we’d be telling you this is controlling behaviour and a massive red flag. So why put up with it from a friend? Are there other things you have to tiptoe around her on? Sometimes we grow out of friendships and that’s ok.

CantBelieveNaive · 21/10/2024 11:08

Deadbeatex · 21/10/2024 09:00

You can select that only she can't see when you've last been online and she won't get read receipts. However I echo the other PPs why is she your friend and why are you putting up with this?

Great idea x

Skyrainlight · 21/10/2024 11:04

Ponystories · 21/10/2024 09:16

THIS

It totally gives me anxiety.

This friend is obsessed with messaging, imo.
I feel watched/stalked/like I am being checked up on
I feel slightly violated too

Show quote history

She gives you anxiety because she's not a friend, she's a stalker. Get rid of her!

Tygertiger · 21/10/2024 10:58

You can change your settings for just her or for everyone, as posters above have indicated.

However, your real issue here is why you yourself haven’t put a boundary in place around this person’s unacceptable and stalkerish behaviour. She’s not your friend so don’t treat her like she is.

TallulahBetty · 21/10/2024 10:55

longapple · 21/10/2024 09:38

You can turn the online status off as well.

I turned off my last seen, online status and my read receipts a while ago and I hadn't realised how tense they made me feel until they were gone.

Show quote history

Can you? How? I can't see that option (I'm on Android)

ElaborateCushion · 21/10/2024 10:52

Ponystories · 21/10/2024 09:16

THIS

It totally gives me anxiety.

This friend is obsessed with messaging, imo.
I feel watched/stalked/like I am being checked up on
I feel slightly violated too

Show quote history

One of the options under "Last seen & online" is "My contacts except..."

Then under "Who can see when I'm online" is "Same as last seen".

If you're otherwise OK with having last seen on, change the settings just to exclude her or anyone connected with her.

You can also turn off read receipts too, but that's an all or nothing.

I would be heavily considering going LC with her though with a view to getting shot of her completely if possible. That's way too intense for me!

NoahsTortoise · 21/10/2024 10:34

She sounds like she's obsessed with you?! Why is she watching your status so much, are you close in person?

MoonPieHazySky · 21/10/2024 10:16

She sounds insane, just turn it off and don’t feel the need to explain yourself.

If she complains just ignore her.

I personally really dislike any apps that give read reports – I reply when I’m ready and the ‘read report’ function just adds uneasiness and obligation to something that should be pleasant!

Jein · 21/10/2024 10:14

I turned mine off and none of my friends even mentioned it, which is how it should be! If you really want an excuse you could say that it's to stop colleagues bothering you out of hours and expecting an instant response. But I'd just tell her the truth that being scrutinised and on call is stressful.

ShinyPebble32 · 21/10/2024 10:13

Block this nutjob! I had one like that who would post passive aggressive memes about people not replying to messages if I hadn’t replied immediately due to being at work, driving, or you know - having a life.
She is a narcissist and utterly draining. We are not friends any more.

Nanny0gg · 21/10/2024 10:12

Ponystories · 21/10/2024 09:16

THIS

It totally gives me anxiety.

This friend is obsessed with messaging, imo.
I feel watched/stalked/like I am being checked up on
I feel slightly violated too

Show quote history

But why are you friends?

And you can do what you like

If you must answer her it's 'Because I want to'

professionaloverthinker · 21/10/2024 10:09

I turned mine off years ago and turned my read receipts off as people think you should reply the minute you read their message. I would never turn them back on now

Wittyapple · 21/10/2024 10:07

OP you need to set some boudaries with your friend, you shouldn't have to avoid anything.

Turn off your last seen / read reciepts = i did ages ago and wouldnt go back

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 21/10/2024 10:05

I don't understand why you would even feel the need to justify to her what you do with your WhatsApp settings?

Smartiepants79 · 21/10/2024 10:05

Just switch it off!
Tell her you don’t like using it if she asks.
It’s extremely weird brand I’m. It quite sure why you’re feeding into it.

Member984815 · 21/10/2024 10:03

I had a friend like this if she couldn't get me on WhatsApp then she'd go to all my socials to see was I online , I turned the last seen off on anything I could find . The constant messages and phonecalls were exhausting and if she couldn't get me there she'd show up to my house. It's not normal behaviour. The ping of messenger used to make me feel so anxious.

DatingDinosaur · 21/10/2024 10:00

I really hope this isn't one of those threads where the OP doesn't actually want to change anything and has just posted about it for a good moan/pity party,

I say this because I realise she hasn't actually asked a question or for a solution to this problem.

Leopardprintlover101 · 21/10/2024 09:59

Turn it off - it is freeing!

This “friend” is a separate issue though - I think it’s time to tell her straight or simply get rid. Sounds far too much like hard work! It is none of her business what you’re doing!

CherryBlossom321 · 21/10/2024 09:57

Ponystories · 21/10/2024 09:16

THIS

It totally gives me anxiety.

This friend is obsessed with messaging, imo.
I feel watched/stalked/like I am being checked up on
I feel slightly violated too

Show quote history

Why haven’t you blocked her?

GrazingLamb · 21/10/2024 09:56

@AutumnLeaves24
You can.

Turbo4 · 21/10/2024 09:56

Turned mine off a couple of years ago and don’t regret it one bit.

I get a comment from 1 relative every now and again saying well they did message but couldn’t tell if I read it because I don’t have blue ticks. I just smile and continue with my day.

Sia8899 · 21/10/2024 09:53

I know several people who have turned theirs off due to particular people like family members or partners. I couldn’t live with having to explain myself to someone, it sounds so stressful and intrusive! If I were you I’d turn it off and tell her why as it’s not normal behaviour for an adult

MabelMora · 21/10/2024 09:51

Nobody in my contacts has 'last seen' switched on. Who cares if she gets the frigging arse if you disable it? You're being crackers avoiding WhatsApp and missing other people's messages because of her.

Stepdad55 · 21/10/2024 09:48

Agree with u completely purplecorkheart !

purplecorkheart · 21/10/2024 09:47

What does this friend bring to your life? It seems like a whole lot of stress.