To not invite my parents' siblings to my child's wedding

Awful false equivalence. Yes I've attended the funerals of people whom I hadn't been at weddings or other celebrations of. The cheek of them!

It sounds like your DS and his fiancee think a wedding is just a party rather than marking the start of a marriage and the joining of families. They also appear ageist. I never enjoyed raves and discos when I was young, I saw my friend's 92 year old mother dancing at his birthday disco. Age is no definer of 'young vide'.

In their place I would invite older people to the ceremony and reception and then have a 'younger vibe' type party. People who fit in with that sort of thing will stay and the others will leave early.

I feel like if they're not invited, your ds and his fiancée in decades to come will be absolutely cringing at their behaviour and how they excluded people due to wanting a younger crowd!

I understand family relationships and how important they are to everyone.

I don't understand any Aunt taking it on on the parent of the B&G if they weren't invited which is what the pp was referring to. No need to pity me for that opinion.

What sort of crazy logic is this? I have attended the funerals of many many people, including close family members, who's wedding I wasn't at! Strange strange outlook!

Agree.
You will all sleep better for the next twenty years if you invite the supportive aunt and uncle, your son's grandparents and your sibling.

Some will decline the invitation.
Those who attend will be hard to see in the large crowd but you will have done the right thing.
Your son's young friends will create a celebratery vibe.

No need for your son to start his married life with mean behaviour.

as they want more friends and a younger vibe

What self indulgent nonsense is this.

You are to be pitied if you can’t understand family ties, and particularly how important they can be to older people and how hurtful it could be to be told, in effect, that you are of no importance at all in someone's life and they don’t want you there to help them celebrate.

If it's simply down to the 'vibe' rather than budget or space restraints then I would absolutely reconsider. Sounds like they have been supportive and you'd regret not including them.

Like many others I got married over 10 years ago and lots of the friends I had at my wedding (including a bridesmaid) are no longer in my life.

We just went to a big family wedding where they invited all of the extended family and children were included and it was honestly so lovely to have all the generations together.

Yeah I find this really weird too. If you're paying, of course you get a say.

This is exactly why I paid for my own wedding, so I could have it exactly how I wanted. If someone else is paying, they get to choose. Same as in any other aspect of life.

Why do parents need a "personal guest list" as their DC's weddings? Genuinely don't get it. Why?

I don't think my relationship with my aunt will ever be quite the same again.

I’m sorry but this is crazy. A grown adult punishing you because they weren’t invited to a wedding that wasn’t even yours?

Because weddings are usually and traditionally family occasions, an opportunity for family to gather together to share in a happy occasion.

@userzerozerozero: Sorry to raise a dreadful idea, but if your son were to die tragically young, do you think your uncle and aunt would come to his funeral? If so, and if money and space are no object, they ought to also be present on the happy occasion of his wedding.

'Younger vibe' it's a bloody wedding where you celebrate with family and those that want to support you'

They might have just said the younger vibe thing as an excuse. The op has said the groom is not close to his great uncle in the slightest.

If you know they will be hurt and you want to keep a good relationship with them, you need to invite them. It's that simple.

This is awful, I cannot fathom how grown adults can behave like this. Yes a fleeting disappointment perhaps but that's it, move on.

To let it continue to affect relationships is really weird and unpleasant. I would suggest kindly that you are well shot of any relationship with your childish Aunt .

I don't think you have to invite them because of who they are and their relationship to you or your parents, but I come from a family with a lot of estrangements and mistreatment and if there is someone out there who has been kind and supportive to me and not judged me or fallen in line while other family members have treated me badly, I would be inviting them in a heartbeat. Those people are the ones that matter, they are good people who I'd want to thank and be around.

I think it's awful, they sound awful. Sure it can be their choice but doesnt mean it's the right one.

'Younger vibe' it's a bloody wedding where you celebrate with family and those that want to support you. Guess you make the cut as you're paying.

I'm starting to wonder why any parent would generously pay tens of thousands of pounds to fully find their child's high budget wedding, when so many people seem to think they shouldn't even ask to add a couple of family members to the guest list.

Right now I want to give my DD an extra hug for being so thoughtful to me, even though she and her fiance insisted on paying for their own, smaller wedding.

How do you know he doesn't want them there because he wants to have a "younger vibe" if you haven't mentioned this whole situation??

This is why we didn't have a proper wedding. So much fretting about distant (to the bride&groom, they are distant) relatives.
It's not your wedding. You don't get to choose who comes. It isn't you, or your Aunt and Uncle.

My aunt and uncle were beyond hurt not to be invited to my DD's wedding. We tried so hard to get her to change her mind (and we were paying for a large chunk) but she was adamant. My own personal guests were an elderly DF, a single sister and 2 longstanding friends so I don't think I was being greedy with my family (guest list of 120). I don't think my relationship with my aunt will ever be quite the same again.
It's a very hard one, but ultimately its not your wedding.

A word of warning. I married my DH in 2002 in the Bahamas because I really struggle with large gatherings of any kind so a large church wedding in the UK was a definite no go. I paid for my mum and sister to come over to join the celebrations. My brother and his family, DH’s mum, step dad and brother’s family all joined us at their own expense. We didn’t invite any friends or extended family to limit the numbers. 22 years on my Aunt is still not speaking to us and it’s split the family in two. For everyones sake please just extend the invitation, they may decide not to come anyway…

Weddings are not "about family" they're about a bride and groom sharing their commitment to each other with the people who matter most to them.

That is often not extended family.