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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not invite my parents' siblings to my child's wedding

331 replies

userzerozerozero · 21/10/2024 07:41

I need to sanity check my thinking. My son is getting married, large wedding, no budget constraints fortunately. Long back story but I am NC with my own sibling and my parents have not been supportive of me over this however I still have a relationship with them and see them regularly. Our relationship is not positive and my MH around them is terrible. I come from a background where family is everything and there is a lot of pressure to do the right thing in terms of inviting wider family to significant events though I have broken rules around this many times in the past.

My mother's brother and family have been very supportive of me through the ups and downs of my decision around breaking ties with my sibling and have offered support and advice when needed while still remaining close with my parents. They are lovely to my son but they are not close with them IFYSWIM.

Now my son is getting married and we've decided as a family not to invite my uncle and aunt mostly at the request of my son and his partner as they want more friends and a younger vibe. Deep down I'm wondering whether I've gone along with this to punish my parents in a way. My uncle will be deeply disappointed but they won't make a fuss. AIBU to just go along with it knowing my parents will be upset and potentially my uncle as well?

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 23/10/2024 13:24

Personally I would invite your uncle and their spouse. I don't think that it is going to alter the vibe that much. The reality is some of these people giving the young vibes maybe strangers to the Bride and Groom in five years time.

Harry12345 · 23/10/2024 13:19

I would invite them, older kind family members are precious and it’s only when they’re gone do you realise this and will regret them not being there

Lemonyfuckit · 23/10/2024 13:09

One other thing to factor - as my DM often says, she tends to only see extended family mainly at funerals these days. It's nice therefore to see them on a happier occasion. Yes it's mainly the bride and groom's decision but where you're actually paying for the wedding - I think it's fair and reasonable to expect some extended family to be included and it's a bit of a 'naive' young view (and slightly selfish - I know it's their wedding so of all the times to be selfish, but still) to only want their friends of the same generation and discount the love and support of family that they've had around them during their lives.

PuddlesPityParty · 23/10/2024 13:04

sarahsandy · 23/10/2024 12:55

So these would be your child's great aunties and uncles - no I don't think you need to invite them unless they are extremely close to your parents/you/the child getting married

Did you even read the OP ?

sarahsandy · 23/10/2024 12:55

So these would be your child's great aunties and uncles - no I don't think you need to invite them unless they are extremely close to your parents/you/the child getting married

LoobyDoop2 · 23/10/2024 12:51

Ugh, I can’t stand it when parents use “we’re paying for it” as a reason to make demands about weddings. Either give your kid the money as a gift without conditions, or don’t give it to them. But don’t dress control up as generosity.

PuddlesPityParty · 23/10/2024 12:50

Trinity65 · 23/10/2024 12:50

In your opinion, not mine..

Humans differ in opinions

No - an assumption is an assumption.

Trinity65 · 23/10/2024 12:50

PuddlesPityParty · 23/10/2024 12:48

Again. A gross assumption.

In your opinion, not mine..

Humans differ in opinions

PuddlesPityParty · 23/10/2024 12:48

Trinity65 · 23/10/2024 12:42

Totally

How spiteful your "DS" and his wife to be sound.

Again. A gross assumption.

Trinity65 · 23/10/2024 12:48

Ah,,, seen updates

Nice one, and I hope everyone enjoys the Day.

Trinity65 · 23/10/2024 12:47

AffableApple · 21/10/2024 08:30

Oh gods...

Ikr

Ridiculous.

RitaIncognita · 23/10/2024 12:45

So glad they are being invited, OP.

Trinity65 · 23/10/2024 12:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Trinity65 · 23/10/2024 12:42

Jimmyville · 21/10/2024 08:03

Er, no, you invite them. They’ve been important people in your family life.

Can’t believe you think it is ok to bin them for being an ‘older vibe’ - how fucking rude is that.

Totally

How spiteful your "DS" and his wife to be sound.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/10/2024 12:00

I do see your point, @petmad - if it's not your wedding, you don't get a say - but when I got married, I wanted my parents and dh's parents to have some friends there, partly so they would have someone to talk to, and partly because I knew they had been invited to friends' children's weddings. We said they could invite up to 10 people each.

petmad · 23/10/2024 11:16

Its not you're decision not you're wedding the bride and groom invite who they want so support you're sons decision if the family get pissy about it tough

Miffylou · 23/10/2024 11:00

This reply has been deleted

We've deleted this post as it seemed to have been posted here accidentally and probably should have a new thread of its own.

Are you sure you posted this on the right thread?

Scorps1511 · 23/10/2024 10:37

Great news about them being on the list!

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 23/10/2024 10:29

userzerozerozero · 23/10/2024 08:31

An update....I've spoken with my son and future DIL and explained that I feel uncomfortable and sad not to invite my uncle and aunt but still respected their ultimate wishes. They didn't agree straight off but have come to understand that it's important to me. They're on the list!! Thank you all for your comments, I appreciated all the viewpoints but ultimately feel great about the outcome.

Well done OP!

Forwhatitsworth18 · 23/10/2024 10:15

Great news. It's always great to see an issue resolved. Have a wonderful wedding 😁

ellyeth · 23/10/2024 10:04

That's good news.

Tourmalines · 23/10/2024 09:57

Good, thats how it should have been .

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 23/10/2024 09:48

Flossflower · 23/10/2024 08:51

You don’t control your children when you pay for them.

No one is talking about controlling the wedding or the paying parent having all their friends and colleagues coming.

It's a wedding, a time for family to come together.

We invited an aunt and uncle from my DH's side who had not seen each other for over a decade.

The lost communication went on as time passed by as each side were waiting for the other to make the first move.

You wouldn't have known they'd been apart for so long at the wedding, like old friends where you just pick up from where you left off.

There's since been family gatherings since and it's a joy to see.

No wonder people are so quick to go NC.

Well done @userzerozerozero , enjoy the wedding.

BESTAUNTB · 23/10/2024 09:42

userzerozerozero · 23/10/2024 08:31

An update....I've spoken with my son and future DIL and explained that I feel uncomfortable and sad not to invite my uncle and aunt but still respected their ultimate wishes. They didn't agree straight off but have come to understand that it's important to me. They're on the list!! Thank you all for your comments, I appreciated all the viewpoints but ultimately feel great about the outcome.

Brilliant outcome!

ellyeth · 23/10/2024 09:30

Surely having a "young vibe" around can happen any time. For a wedding, I think setting that as a priority is just rude and unkind.

I actually do think that if the parents are paying for the wedding it would be considerate and polite to allow them to have some say as to who is invited. But I am surprised that the parents have also prioritised their friends over supportive members of the family, who are more likely to be hurt by being excluded. I suspect that supportive relationship will never be the same again.