To not invite my parents' siblings to my child's wedding

My DD and son in law paid for their own wedding (though I bought the dress). But my DD still asked me who I'd like them to invite on my behalf. Because she's a kind and thoughtful person. She only asked that if it was more than the number she had in mind, that I pay for the extras. She also took me and MIL along to visit venues and valued our opinions.

It blows my mind that a son whose parents are paying the full amount for a big wedding with no budget restraints, can't bring himself to be as thoughtful.

Honest self reflection. Act with love, not hate. Invite them.

Sounds like your uncle is the only decent family member you have why would you NOT invite them to a large wedding?

Potentially I would be inviting them over your parents from what little you've said.

"younger vibe"? Is there a cut off age then you need to be below to meet the criteria?

No doubt won’t be long before they’ve lost touch with a few friends - you’re related to the Uncle (who you say has been kind & supportive) forever. But don’t worry, you’ve already fallen out with your family, why not just lose more - kinder to let them know where they stand now….

I agree with this. You not inviting your aunt and uncle for a one day event will likely cause (justified imo) hurt which will last a lot longer than that one day.

Your ds and partner need to learn the bigger picture over a one day “vibe”

I think if it's a big wedding then two extra great aunts/uncles won't make a difference to the vibe. And I think you should have prioritised family over friends for your list, especially since this couple have been supportive of you.

Sounds like there's cultural issues at play here, but if the set up is that it's your call I think you should invite them. If it's the bride and groom, ask them nicely to reconsider and explain why.

Disagree.

If you are paying for all of it you should be doing it from the goodness of your heart, because you want the bride and groom to have their perfect day.

Wanting to invite someone to someone else’s wedding because you’re “paying for it” is even more “Entitled much”.

Madness. Glad I was brought up differently to this.

i think you meant "exclude"…

@Gloriia - maybe in your culture/upbringing it doesn't work like that but in some it does.

Please don't assume everyone on this platform comes from the same background or has the same ideas etc.

OP has already stated she comes from a culture where family attending the wedding is the done thing.

Two woman at work bride and bridesmaid - wedding was a month ago and they haven’t spoken since the big day.

Thats friends for you!

Ultimately it is the bride and grooms decision but I'd ask them to reconsider.
I was in a similar position for our wedding but it was 3 great aunts and 3 great uncles my parents wanted me to invite. I reconsidered with the compromise of my parents would cover half the additional cost. Now I am 100% grateful that I did as it was the last time I saw a few of them before they passed away and was the last event they were all at together. I didn't understand then but now I understand how important it was to have them at our wedding.

Long back story but I am NC with my own sibling and my parents have not been supportive of me over this however I still have a relationship with them and see them regularly. Our relationship is not positive and my MH around them is terrible.

You mean the relationship with your sibling, or the relationship with your parents? It seems odd to exclude your aunt and uncle who have been lovely and supportive to you and your son while including your parents, who have been less so. But in the end it's your son and his fiancée's decision, not yours. Although if she is having several older relatives including aunts and uncles on her side then it's not a decision I can pretend to understand.

I don’t think you are BU as it’s not your decision. I think your son is though.

Disagree. If you are paying for all of it, you get some say over the people you want to invite as well. If they are that fussy about your friends coming as well they should pay for the wedding themselves. Entitled much.

Just seems like controlling behaviour.

If you want to pay for your child’s wedding, then it should be a generous and selfless act. You want to pay because you want your child to have their perfect day. Not “Right I’m paying for this so I’m inviting XY and Z”

No matter who pays, the guest list should be 100% down to the bride and groom. Very simple.

It's their wedding, they can have what ever 'vibe' they want.

Op can inside they invite x,y,z but they can refuse (obviously op can withdraw offer of payment if they are unhappy, but it'snnot the ops wedding )

Not when they get missed off the wedding guest list, it could alienate them.

There's absolutely no comparison with choosing the menu. Family relationships are important.

Anyone who accepts tens of thousands of pounds of generosity, while contributing nothing themselves, would be expected to show a little appreciation by their actions, in any other circumstance. Why does a wedding have to be different?

I agree that venue, menu, decorations and everything else are the couple's decision, but such a generous parent should be allowed some leeway in the guest list.

I think both you and your son are being very thoughtless and also rude. But the thoughtlessness and lack of care for family members who have cared for you and your son stands out

It strikes me that you are in no way blameless for family rifts and that you’ve modelled uncaring behaviour to your son, if this is your response to his rudeness.

This^ 100%
you don’t need to be super close friends with your supportive close blood relatives to invite them to the family event eg. wedding

I don’t really understand why you would want to include the only family members that have been lovely and supportive to you