To not invite my parents' siblings to my child's wedding

The OP undated that the aunt and uncle are invited. Given that there seems to be no limitation to the guest list in terms of cost/venue, etc., she was not unreasonable in the expectation that these family members should be invited, even if she were not paying for the wedding. Considering that she was paying, it would have been very unreasonable for her son to insist on their exclusion, especially for the somewhat ageist reason he gave.

This is rubbish. Most families agree that parents pay, but the engaged couple come to a mutually accepted invitation list. If there are differences it is the couple who have the final say.
If it was me and a parent was to upset me by inviting somebody I really didn't want attending, or wouldn't invite someone I wanted there, then I'd tell them to forget it and I'd elope to Gretna.

Conventionally if the parents are paying then they are hosting.

Anyone is entirely free to pay for their own wedding and demonstrate to their family that they are only interested in people who look young, hip and trendy.

I'd be very disappointed in a child happy to take large sums of family money for a large family wedding whilst excluding close family members on grounds of not being cool enough for the vibe.

I know who I would uninvited

eh?

Good result, OP.

I don't care who is paying, it is their wedding. I know who I would uninvited.

She is not dictating anything. Also she is the person paying for the wedding. Happily, her son and his bride have done the right and reasonable thing and agreed for the aunt and uncle to be invited.

Who are you to dictate who is invited?

I think parents do not get a choice even if funding on venue, food, flowers, clothes, colours or anything like that even if funding the lot. But to exclude the Aunt and Uncle seems very wrong, it’s just two guests. Younger vibe, what a load of crap. Peoples ages had nothing to do with our guest list, youngest was 3 and oldest would have been around 90. @CrowleyKitten we have lost touch with a couple of friends who came to our wedding but what is more apparent is the partners of our friends who attended have changed a lot as we were first amongst our group to marry.

Had missed update, well done!

Also, if you are funding the wedding as your post seems to intimate and your uncle knows this, I think it will reflect badly on you. If the wedding is sizable, I think extending the invitation to another few people would be the best route to take.

Personally, given the support they have offered during a difficult time, I would be trying to persuade my DS to include them in the invitation. I think it’s important for the family dynamics to maintain a healthy situation, especially as you don’t know how it will affect them moving forward and it seems ashamed to hurt their feelings.

I was “persuaded” to invite my grandad’s two sisters to my wedding. So pleased I did. They had the best time and our friends were totally charmed by them.

The right thing to do - well done for sorting it

The general rule ought to be that if parents are paying then they get at least some say in the guest list. And to be honest if your friends are going you can’t really get away with them wanting a ‘younger vibe’ as an excuse. The couple sounds a little shallow and pretentious actually.
If you want to keep these people in your life and value the support they have given you then I’d be trying to encourage the couple to. Reconsider

I've got both friends and family that fit both sides of that. there are friends I can end up not seeing for years, and as soon as we see each other again, it's like there's been no time apart at all. same for some family members. there are also friends who were part of my life for a time, and aren't anymore, be that due to interests, changing jobs, etc. doesn't mean we weren't friends. we just weren't FOREVER. I don't regret that the friends no longer in my life were part of my wedding. it was lovely to have them there.

there's also family I've not seen for years who I immediately reconnect with when the opportunity arises (like my auntie who we hadn't seen for about a decade as she was living in Egypt. when we went for my nans funeral it was WONDERFUL seeing her again, and we connected like we'd never been apart. I've also got family I honestly couldn't care if I never saw them again.

being related doesn't automatically make someone an important part of your life. it doesn't even mean you like them. if my dad was still alive, I'd never have invited him, because I just realised over time that I didn't even LIKE him. let alone anything more.

that's the right way to handle it. it's up to them who is invited, but it's okay to suggest people you think should be invited and say why. and then it's up to them to agree or to not agree. in this case, they decided it was worth inviting them. if they had said no, that's fine too. often, it's a numbers game. most of my wedding had no numbers restrictions to it, but the actual ceremony, we could only have a certain number of people in the same part of the cave, and there was CCTV for people in the much larger upper chamber of the cave. and I had a lot of guests who were on the "bump up" lists. eg. I invited my Grandad and his wife, knowing he was very unlikely to come. my cousin got offended because her then long term boyfriend was on the "bump up" list, rather than automatically on the list for the lower cave. I told her outright. I have people I KNOW won't come, but it's rude to invite them for the whole day, and not that part. BUT I know they won't come, and he's at the top of the bump up list. he's going to be there. but if they did come, he would just have been in the chamber with the CCTV for the length of the ceremony.
but a lot of venues have quite restrictive numbers, especially if there's a sit down meal. and of course a couple are going to prioritise the people they are closer to than, say, family members they don't see that often.

but yeah, I'm rambling. it's nice they decided they were able to invite them after all, and I hope you all have a lovely time.

@userzerozerozero shocked that you're even asking this question. As a previous poster said, very cunty behaviour indeed.

I think after the apocalypse there probably won’t be any weddings at all, so that’s rather dramatic phrasing. But no, I don’t think that children owe their parents anything. I also think that people old enough to get married are old enough to pay for their own celebration, cut their cloth in line with their own budget and choose for themselves who to invite.

Not your wedding whether your paying for it or not. It's your sons wedding, so it's his decision who he invites.

Absolutely this.

Another of those threads where I want to find my DD and hug her. Even though she and my son in law were paying for their own wedding, she was still thoughtful enough to ask if I'd like to invite any friends, to ensure that I had company.

The way some people are responding, it seems that a parent paying for the whole lot should be grateful that they're even invited themselves.

There are so many people we invited to our wedding that we weren't in contact with 5 years later. They will be family forever.

Making demands is one thing but deserving some consideration is another..
It’s reasonable to assume the parents are making a financial sacrifice to pay for the wedding. Why on earth don’t they deserve some consideration , even if they’re not making a sacrifice? Are children not supposed to care about their parents’ feelings? Do adult children not owe their parents anything?
What a ghastly post apocalyptic world view.

@userzerozerozero - great result, OP. Thanks for updating!

Just saw update- that's a good result :)

It's bride and grooms decision who to invite but excluding people based on age as wanting a young vibe is weird.
Weddings are family occasions, what's important is the relationship you and your DC have with your uncle and aunt.
If they have been supportive and present in your lives then they should be invited, particularly as numbers aren't an issue.