Inappropriate movies at sleepovers

Can you talk to the mum to see if she could find something that’s not quite so bad (but bad enough the kids feel they aren’t losing out!)

Kids sneakily watching films made for older children and adults at sleepovers is one thing (many of us have done so) but to do so in the full knowledge/ encouragement of the 'supervising' adult at the age of 12 is altogether different. If the adult is lax about that then I'd be questioning what else they were 'relaxed' about. A few swigs of alcohol? Vaping? Smoking?

There's a big difference between a 15 and an 18. We let ds watch 15s at that age only if we'd watched them first, or they were films that were certified 15 when they were released 20 or 30 years ago but would be considered 'tame' now. We're relaxing the rules a bit more now he's 14, but it's an absolute no to 18s.

I'd definitely judge a parent who did this, and I don't care if it's considered prudish these days. Kids lose their innocence early enough, we seem to want to let them grow up too soon and I find it really quite sad.

It's a no from me too. I went to a sleepover when I was 11 and watch Children of the Corn and then a cartoon with lots of sex and sex references in it which I didn't really get but felt uneasy about. I was terrified of the movie for years later , there was an older boy in school who looked like one of the main bad children and I remember being genuinely petrified when I saw him. Looking back it was so inappropriate of the parents and makes me feel quite angry with them tbh. In some ways it's quite abusive as it's so damaging and outwith child's control at the time.

I would ask him.. make sure he knows they will be showing a very scary film and tell him that if he wants you can say he isn't allowed to go. Or you could pick him up due to a 'family emergency' if he decides to go but doesn't feel comfortable staying or the film is too scary for him.
I'd work with him to come up with a solution as it will give him a greater sense of trust and responsibility.
One thing my parents did right was foster a sense of openness and trust.. so that they and I knew as I entered my teen years things might be going on at parties I attended that I wasn't comfortable with. I was always allowed to go to parties and trusted to make my own judgement as long as I was always honest and they knew where I was. They were always available to come and pick me up if I ever decided a situation wasn't for me.

That would be a no from me.

Have you asked the hosting mum directly? Sometimes 12 year olds exaggerate 😂