Inappropriate movies at sleepovers

That rating was I'm 1981! Most common sense rating is now 15+

I would talk to the parents. I think it doesn’t have to be a 12, perhaps it’s more you and he would rather he not watch slasher horror? There are some horror for 18+ that are more psychological with less violence- only zombies or aliens or monsters get killed.

Like World War Z, or Defend the Block or Cockneys vs Zombies, Pitch Black

It would be a no from me, but I would speak to the mum and find out if the boys were just boasting, she might not be as cool with it as they think.

When I was about 13 or 14 they showed us "An American Werewolf in London" (18) AT SCHOOL because our drama teacher wanted us to look at the special effects and make-up. Not only does it have nudity/sex but also very graphic horror with decomposing corpses etc. I remembered it for a long time.

These days the drama teacher would probably get sacked for showing 18 films to 13/14 year olds in class, but it was the 1980s and I don't think anyone said anything!

We’re reasonably strict on film ratings with our kids - my eldest is nearly 15 and has been allowed to watch 15s without asking since her 14th birthday - we saw the odd one together that we’d pre approved when she was 13.

She didn’t watch 12s until she was pretty much 12 and she has an 8 year old sister and would never put on anything above a PG with her around so I don’t agree with the “nothing you can do if they’ve older siblings” thought

I wouldn’t let my eldest watch an 18 and she has no desire to. She’s been to sleepovers where they’ve watched scary films and she’s refused to watch and put in her earbuds and watches her phone if they’ve insisted.

Theres a reason for age ratings.

If the parents lax enough to allow that then what else could go on there

No from me too

Hmm, that’s a hard one.
I would not allow my 11 year old to watch those movies, although we did watch Sleepy Hollow together recently, as he was aching to watch a scary movie and I wanted him to be with me when he watched his first scary movie so we could talk about it after or turn it off if he felt too scared.
I would be uncomfortable with him watching horrors that aim to be as gruesome and gory as possible and often deal with other grown up themes, like SA, drug abuse etc.
Any films over a 15 would be a NO NO for me.
But the reason I say it’s a hard one, is because for me, I know my son would be begging to go and saying he wants to watch scary movies with his friends and I would feel so bad for him thinking he is missing out on some kind of rite of passage.
However, as your son does not want to watch horror movies and you are worried he may be left traumatised, I would advise him to give this one a miss.
But speak to the mum first and make sure you are getting the full story.
Of not maybe being questioned about it might make her think twice.
Although your son might get some stick for it!

I can never understand when the ultimate taboo is sex but the kids can watch all kinds of violence.

I wouldn’t allow it for my DC at that age, their minds are usually not emotionally ready.

My parents were pretty lax about a lot of things and I wish they had been less permissive.

Really? They are on the cusp of being teenagers. Their natural default is to push the system and rebel, I know exactly what 99% of teens would say if I said your suggestion as I would have too at that age. It is completely developmentally appropriate to push boundaries.

Honestly I want to watch someone try sell them a challenge, over a scary film🤣.

If it isn't for the ops son then that is fine but burying heads isn't going to sort this. To be fair be had notice so fair play for that. And no the others shouldn't be slagging.

I would have said he would be up for it but as a parent I wasn't. Boring old mum complaining is part of the course at this age.

Most parents I know have a word or text code to pull them out of any situation no questions asked and completely on the parents. Might be worth putting this in place @Curiousitykillsthecat to provide him reassurance in the future.

I would check with the hosting mum what films they are actually going to watch and view them myself if I haven't watched them recently. If I wasn't completely happy I would refuse to let my DS go (he can blame you rather than his friends call him a baby) or come up with a reason he can only go for a couple of hours.

Stand By Me & The Goonies were the sorts of scary movies that me and my friends got to watch at sleepovers at that age in the early 1990s.

What’s wrong with that kind of film?

The Sixth Sense could be another option.

@VeterinaryCareAssistant how about you just dont put 15 and 18 films on when young children are sharing a room or still awake?

I'm guilty of this.

There's no censorship in this house unless it's very, very sexual.

When there are children of various ages in the household and/or sharing a room they're going to see films aimed at 15 or 18 year olds.

I was forever traumatised by watching The Candyman as a young teen.

Exploring a genre of film is a hell of a lot preferable to them experimenting with something else.

^ why the need for any experimentation that's negative? Well safeguarded kids can do things like take on a new challenge in their EC activities if they want a thrill. No need for anything dangerous.

It would be a no from me. Maybe speak to the parents and say she's only allowed to watch 12's but her friends are talking about inappropriate films so they know. The parents may not be relaxed, the kids may just be saying that.

I went to a sleepover at 13 and was allowed to watch Robocop and Small Sacrifices. Absolutely traumatised by both it two very different ways! No way would I allow this.

Just to add, I think it's Wolf Creek that has an horrific rape scene in it and is rated 18. I'd be absolutely horrified if my 12yo was watching something like that with another parent's knowledge. It's not just the gory 'horror' violence (which, let's face it, many kids are desensitised to at an early age) but the sexual violence that often comes with an 18. I don't want my child becoming desensitised to graphic sexual violence.

Very risky of the mum - several teacher friends of mine have mentioned that if a child of 12 were to mention they’ve watched an 18 film, it warrants immediate referral to the safeguarding team at their school.

I’ve never allowed age inappropriate films at sleep overs and usually agreed in advance the precise film to be watched. The mum may be relaxed about it with her children (and can put herself at risk with the safeguarding team at school if she wants to take the risk) but she should not take those liberties with other people’s kids. You’d put yourself at risk if you knowingly allow your child to attend where this material is being viewed.

It would be a big fat no from me, I’m afraid.

I wouldn’t want him to go. Similarly to PPs, I went to sleepovers at 11/12 years old where we watched Scream, Candyman and Halloween. I had nightmares for months and had to sleep in my mum’s room a few times. I was too scared to even go on a ghost train at that age.

Each to their own I was watching and loving horrors at that age. I would let my own children probably around 13+ as they appear to have my appetite and enjoy similar books.

Judgement of entertainment choice in comparison to alcohol or drugs is ignorant and ridiculously inaccurate. Honestly talk about a leap!

Plenty of people love the genre and are perfectly normal individuals. If it's not your bag then so be it.

If it was my sons friends I would go vintage, the omen, pet cemetery, rosemary's baby, the shining etc. Exploring a genre of film is a hell of a lot preferable to them experimenting with something else.

I would ask the parents we only had one decline due to religious reasons so we arranged an alternative event another time.

Nothing to add but this reminds me of when my son was invited to a sleepover in year 6. The mum set up a projector in the garden with fairy lights and snacks and put Ali G in da house on for them.
Could you get a more terrible film for 10 year olds.

My son is 12 too and I'd honestly let him go. But he doesn't scared by horror movies whatsoever and finds them quite funny. I know I'll get judged for that but I think it is a different situation for you as you say your son doesn't want to see scary movies. He might say yes to going so as not to feel left out but if you feel he will genuinely be affected, I'd say don't let him go. I wouldn't recommend talking to the mom though really.

YANBU. It would be an absolute no from me. I know it feels hard to say no as you say he hardly gets invited but you have to think long term here. Does he really want friends who watch 18+ films? Do you want him hanging around with friends like these? I went to a two sleepovers around the same age and one we watched clown house and the other Basic Instinct. I had no control or say in watching this but I never forgot the impact these films had. If you feel able to, speak to the mum and tell her your concerns. FWIW I am dreading my DS twins being invited to another sleepover because the last time they went I found out after one of the boys wanted to watch The Conjuring. One of my sons actually said 'I don't want to watch this, I don't like horror' and fair play to the other boy he said 'ok we won't watch it if you don't like it'. I feel very happy my son had the guts to say it but not sure this would happen again as he's a bit older now. Plus, that one nice considerate boy may not be how other boys would react. It's awful at this age as many want to watch age inappropriate films and not wanting to can lead to feeling excluded. But you have to think long term as I said and have an honest conversation with him about why he wants to go and what watching these films could mean.

I am a massive horror fan but am horrified by some of the films people let their young kids watch - terrifier, hostel, saw.... It's just wrong, they are too young to be exposed to that sort of nastiness, no way in hell my 12yr old is watching those and luckily he doesn't seem to want to.