Inappropriate movies at sleepovers

My kids aren’t 12 yet, but I would have a very low opinion of a parent that invites round kids and shows 18 movies to 12 year olds. Do it with your own kids for all I care but it’s totally not on at a sleepover.

To me it’s like feeding meat to a vegetarian kid. You don’t make parenting decisions for other people’s kids.

It would be a no from me as well. Although I might double check with the parents, just in case. My son is 10 and finds the first Harry Potter film too scary to watch. I didn't watch a horror film until I was in my 20s.

I remember in my early teens having to see a psychologist, and one of the things that came up were my dreadful nightmares. My mum banned me from watching The X Files, which was my favourite programme.

Although I did have a sleepover for my 14th birthday, and I managed to get hold of a copy of 9 1/2 Weeks which we watched in my room. At a friend's sleepover, when I was about 15, they watched Seven in the morning, but me and my friend didn't want to watch something so horrific, and left beforehand. It's now one of my favourite films.

It's good that your DS has been vocal to his friends about not wanting to watch a horror though. A lot of kids might have gone along with it and then have a tough time processing it afterwards. If he doesn't go, maybe do something nice with him to make up for it.

Could you try watching SAW with him on a Saturday morning so he knows what he would be letting himself in for? That way he can make an informed choice about going and you have all afternoon to distract him if he doesn't like it and you cam stop the film at any point wothout shame or embarrassment?

They will probably all bottle it.

In this situation I think the chances of permanent lasting actual harm are low compardd to say, drinking, parties and drug exposure in the coming years and as he becomes a teenager he will need to navigate difficult choices and peer pressure.

So i would take the position that I will support his choices, whether that's to go, stay home, go and have a back up plan to call home or get away if needed. The messaging would firmly be: its your decision and I've got your back whatever you decide. If you want to talk it through together, I'm your sounding board and I'm here for you.

The parents might think their own kid won’t be upset by watching age-inappropriate horror. They have no way of knowing how the other 12 year olds might be affected. The kids won’t necessarily know in advance if they’ve not seen that sort of film before. They will be under pressure to agree from fear of being called ‘babyish’.
Loads of people on this thread have said they had bad experiences as a young teen, having nightmares for months etc. after watching horror films. So it’s not unreasonable to think it’s crap to put your child’s friends in a situation where they’re under peer pressure to watch films which are totally unsuitable for their age.

I see lots of people share that they watched this kind of movie when they were 11/12/13 and that they were fine, some even enjoyed it, no harm done etc.
However I suppose even if some kids are fine and enjoy it it could still be damaging - it might not be obvious but being exposed to sights, feelings, ideas that they are not emotionally developed to process is likely damaging even if there are never any signs of impact. There are so many genres and also lots of suitable horror type films that are age appropriate that they could explore if they are specifically interested in horror. I just think watching 18s that young as unnecessary and pretty irresponsible of adults especially if the viewers are not their own kids.

I would absolutely not let mine go. But I can see how hard it is as a 12 year old to say no to other 12 year olds without looking a bit soft, wrong as that may be. I remember making my excuses and making a swift exit when my friends and I were choosing a film to see at the cinema and they wanted to see Scream 2 or something along those lines, and I was 21. I still cannot watch horrors, I really don't like them, and cannot for the life of me understand why anyone finds entertainment in them. Fair enough if you do, but I don't. Some kids just let it wash over them and are fine, but some can be really traumatised. I wouldn't want that for my child. I hope you find a way to rescue him from this!

The nearest mine got to horror at that age were the old 50's films that are so tame. I also hosted a Rocky horror party around that age (for adults) and let my dc plus best friend (plus family) come, the dc all wore lab coats!

It's a tough one. The parents may not know and if you tell them it could cause issues for him.

The kids could be bluffing. I'd speak to mum and ask for more details without mentioning what you know.

If it's looking likely they are watching 18s and you are considering letting him go he needs to realise once he's there he's kind of stuck he either watches it or risks teasing. If he goes home he will get laughed at. Kids are dicks and school is tough. .He could not watch and try to brazen it out saying it's boring etc. But it will not be an easy situation to navigate.

I was traumatised aged 12 watching scary films, I can still get jumpy now 35 years on. I was petrified for years, my friend always had sleepovers and her parents would let he choose what she wanted and it was always horrors. There are still a bag of toy clowns in the attic and my mums house. I think if i had been older it would not have had the effect on me that it did. My parents where quite strict about age appropriate - I remember my whole year in school watching Twin Peaks and my mum wouldn't let me - I think I was the only one not allowed to watch it

about 15 years ago I sat down and re watched some of the old horrors and realised how bad and fake they were, but the damage had already been done

That’s just not true. I have multiple children. The youngest are not allowed to watch anything the oldest would have been allowed to watch at the same age. I watch some older things with the eldest child, but not with younger siblings present.

There’s no race to watch 15/18 rated things. (Depends a lot on why something has that age rating though and I do use my common sense). There’s still MASSES of age appropriate things we can all enjoy watching together.

My DD went to a sleepover birthday where, unbeknownst to me in advance, they watched an 18 film... she was primary age. I was not best pleased.
It is OK for a parent to make these decisions on behalf of their own children but not on behalf of others.
In this case it could be that these lads are suggesting these films amongst themselves and the hosting parent knows nothing of this.

At 12 I would be ok with 15 films, not 18

I don't want to derail the thread, and I agree with the rest of your comment, but school is not compulsory, education is but it doesn't have to be at school.

On topic, I don't let my 15 yo watch 18 films so I definitely wouldn't let a 12yo. I would decline the sleepover and maybe organise something for this group at your house another time so you can ensure it's suitable (although to be honest they don't sound great kids to be hanging out with if they have such lax parents).

I think what you meant to say is they can do what they want at their party and your son can stay home and watch Beetlejuice instead. You don't choose what happens at someone else's house you do at your own.

I think I was about 12 when I watched a nightmare on elm street at a sleepover. It absolutely terrified me at the time but it's now one of my favourite horror films. After watching it at 12 I became fascinated with horror and finding new things just as scary. I'm mid 40s now and still love horror! (Not that there's anything good out these days).
I would still advise not to watch these things though at that age. Because despite it triggering a love of horror for me in the long run it probably won't in most children!

So you decline the invitation.

You don't get to dictate what they watch in their house at their Halloween party.

Problem solved. Say you have other arrangements. Your son has already outed himself to his friends as not wanting to watch the films. So it is very much a case of declining not dictating (or trying to at least).

I would get him out of that. There's absolutely no way I would allow my child to sleepover in a house where the parents are so irresponsible. It's shit parenting to expose your own children to inappropriate film content but it's even worse to then knowingly do the same to other people's children.

Fond memories of watching totally inappropriate horror movies when we were young (Freddie Krueger!). We’d have a good laugh terrifying each other. I think under twelve, maybe not. But older than that, kids can figure things out themselves?

School is compulsory; sleepovers are not.

OP, your son - very maturely - doesn't want to watch an age-inappropriate horror movie. His friends don't sound like they are mature or considerate enough to accommodate him, so I'd give him an out.

Could you or his dad take him out somewhere else nice instead?

@AgileGreenSeal

"If the parents hosting the sleepover don’t share the same standards as you then your child is vulnerable to seeing, hearing, possibly even doing things which cannot be unseen, unheard and undone. The experience of a sleepover may not be worth the risks involved.

A 🚩 means a warning, something to be cautious about. Sleepovers are definitely an activity to be cautious about.

This thread is an example"

The child is 12, let's face it there's just as much chance of them seeing, hearing and doing things their parents wouldn't approve of every day at school. I would understand your point more if the child was younger.

No. Saw is horrific. Not appropriate at all. Don’t let him go.

If the parents hosting the sleepover don’t share the same standards as you then your child is vulnerable to seeing, hearing, possibly even doing things which cannot be unseen, unheard and undone. The experience of a sleepover may not be worth the risks involved.

A 🚩 means a warning, something to be cautious about. Sleepovers are definitely an activity to be cautious about.

This thread is an example.

@WhatsInTheRug

If the parents lax enough to allow that then what else could go on there

• my 12 year old is obsessed either horror movies. I watch loads with her. Nothing else goes on here.

Why are sleep overs a red flag?