Inappropriate movies at sleepovers

I’d be led by your son and what he wants to do - different kids are different.

I watched loads of 18-rated horror films and 12/13 - Silence of the Lambs, the Shining etc. None of them particularly frightened me and I have to be honest and say that it would have been socially isolating for me to be the only child refusing to watch.

However I have never been scared by either supernatural or horror type films. I found and still find ET a much more upsetting watch (in my mid 40s) than the most gory horror film you could inflict on me. Or Schindler’s List, to give another very different example.

As a parent I’ve always tried to judge what’s appropriate on knowing my own children and how they respond to stuff rather than having blanket rules like ‘it’s an 18 so no’. And I agree with PP who said it’s completely not comparable to parents allowing drugs and alcohol. My parents were super strict about both of those things whilst being happy to let me watch much more adult films/read adult books. I think because they knew I was quite a mature child.

But I also agree with previous posters who said that if you’re not okay with it, pretend you are fine and your son can be ‘sick’ at the last minute. It will do him no favours at secondary school to get the reputation for being the only one whose mum wouldn’t let him watch. You may wish the world wasn’t like that but it is.

OK. Not sure why you'd try and make a 12 year olds sleepover some sort of test of endurance and put parents in an awkward position, but I guess your ds might momentarily feel as if he was quite hard.

They simply don't have to come. In munsnet terms it's an invitation not a summons.

Huh? If you want to watch Saw with your 12 year old then go ahead. If you want to invite other peoples 12 year old kids round to watch Saw then expect some push back.

@valeyard14 I am very sorry. I thought you were the original poster of the evil dead at 9 post. I got confused because of the quoted posts. Apologies.

No you still don't get to dictate what other people do in their home.

If you don't want your child to participate that is fine too. Just stay home.

Not really sure what you think my parents have to do with anything? I didn't see Evil Dead till I was in my 20s and very far from home.

Again, it's perfectly normal for young people to want to watch disturbing, scary films, specifically because they are disturbing and scary. Whether they should be allowed to do so is an entirely different matter. I don't let our DCs watch any 18-certs - certainly not horror films - but had many entertaining evenings with friends watching films we were way too young for.

Haha... I knitted when I was a teenage girl too! But drank way too much cider in-between.

I think being a girl in the peer pressure scenario is so much easier, boys have to look tough and unbothered. If girls watched a horror and one was scared and upset, I think the other girls would comfort the girl and turn it off. Boys would just make fun of the boy!

She really was - she hates scary stuff - and she does drink tea and knit too!! Different kids have different views and we’ve got a great relationship so she doesn’t feel the need to lie to me

She's watched her phone with earbuds in.... of course she did loooool.

I'm sure she'll also be making herself a pot of tea while her friends all try cider for the first time too.

I'd say 15 rating films are ok, but not 18.

Talk to the mum, I assume you're on that level to do so if you're letting your child sleep round their house. If she can't reassure you I'd arrange with my DS to fake an illness. Then he can save face and not feel like the baby that's not allowed to go, because mummy said so!

My colleague let his kids watch IT, an 18 rating when they were 11 (year 6) and it ended up going on safeguarding notes. The child wasn't even scared or complaining - more like bragging at school, but they won't care. Secondary school might not bother flagging it though.

As I was reading this OP I was thinking about when I watched nightmare on elm street as a child and was bloody scared by it and thought about it for years. It is great he has told you. It is so hard isn’t it, peer pressure, but I think you’re absolutely right to say no. It I would check with the mum first, she might not have actually okayed it. I bet lots of the kids haven’t told their parents so while all of them are calling your DS babyish, I bet most of the parents would feel the same as you and likely don’t know the plan

What? So you are saying they would have been disturbed? And that was ok?

I'm not sure I'm missing something in your posts but they seem very strange. For context I went to the cinema to see Terrifier 2, so I'm not a massive prude, not that it matters.

Who said they wouldn't be disturbed? Where did you get that from what I posted?

and will take any opportunity to seek it out, then share it with others to scare/disgust them

Hmm. I don't think that's normal at all if I'm honest (the part about having to scare and disgust others because you were scared and disgusted yourself). I'd honestly have a think about that.

For a 9 year old not to be disturbed by the Evil Dead, particularly the part where the woman is penetrated by a tree root, they would have to either dissociate or already be desensitised. Neither is good and why your parents thought they had the right to make that decision is deeply odd.

The point is that children's brains, neurological systems, coping skills, emotional sensibilities, etc., are NOT the same as adults'. Adults know that they are seeing fictional material. They can compartmentalize.

Anyone who thinks that watching people be tormented, tortured, chopped up, etc. isn't going to have an adverse effect on a child is a) deluding themselves and b) irresponsible.

There is no good reason to feed such imagery and storylines into the developing brain of a young child.

Making your 9 year old mates watch an evil dead double bill is not cool, it's just extremely weird.

It's not weird at all. A lot of children are always going to be fascinated by anything with the potential to scare and/or disgust them, and will take any opportunity to seek it out, then share it with others to scare/disgust them. Far from being weird it's very normal.

The Evil Dead films are basically live action cartoons anyway, hence their appeal.

You said exactly what I wanted to say - thankyou!

People who are competitive about watching porn and horror at a ridiculously young age are a bit pathetic tbh.

And I say that as someine who loves horror movies.

Making your 9 year old mates watch an evil dead double bill is not cool, it's just extremely weird.

Gets all the No from this old fashioned one.

In a huge horror fan but it’s just bit right to allow 9 year olds to watch 18 rated films. Classifications exist for a reason.

As ways to be let down as a child go, an Evil Dead double bill is a pretty good one.

Like it or not, 12 is the average age most teens have seen pornography. Like actual pornograpghy, not hyperbole about a gorey film.

I'd rather support my child to make the right decision and know that they can talk to me knowing that ill have their back rather than just telling them my way is the law. It might just be because I went to a shit school, but by that age I'd been exposed to drink and knew kids in the year above taking drugs. Many of the 12/13 y/o girls were being groomed by older boys thay should have known better.

For thise reason, id see this as an opportunity to empower a 12yo to decide whether to stand up to friends and say, No, this isn't for me, I'll pass, or let him go, knowing he already thinks it's a bad idea but is a safe learning opportunity, I'll take it. I'd rather him go and regret it himself and consider if he wants to be led by that group than shield him now and wait until he is 13/14 and having to make a difficult decision about following the crowd with those same kids and feeling like because its more serious e.g. sex, that he can't talk to me about it because he knows it would break my rules.

Let's agree to differ on how we would handle it and not derail the thread.

Totally inappropriate for a 9 year old. No two ways about it. It’s not a badge of honour. You were let down as a child, I’m sorry.