To just stop taking my DC out for the foreseeable future

Memories are made in the routines and simple things. My grown children don't talk about the big days out we had but more simple things like blackberry picking before they went back to school each August, for example.

Keep things simple and don't push to have fun days out. If they go to nursery just being home and having down time is probably nice for them too. Nursery is the equivalent of adults going to work in that it is busy, they follow someone else's routine and agenda, they have to interact with peers all day etc.

I absolutely agree that a) you're probably not shit and b) you and dh need to pull together as a team to improve this and potentially save your marriage. 6am-7pm is brutal..what does he do? Does he really need to work those hours or is he avoiding being at home? It's clear that you can't continue as you are.
Could your parents have one of the smaller ones once a week(so two half days)? Give you time to focus on one at a time. And I agree about you and dh having a lunch, afternoon mooch etc together once in a while.

If you can get a handle on the bedtime thing that would help a lot. Everyone gets more sleep and you and dh instantly gain 2-3 hours of peaceful together time. It's daunting I know and would need both of you to be on board and consistent with whatever method you went for. I remember doing the back to bed thing with both of mine around 18months old. Took three nights each. I do wish you luck..it is really tough sometimes..but stop torturing yourself with social media. I once posted a pic of mine in the snow, all smiles and frolicking happily that was taken two seconds before massive tantrums and tears all round.

Making memories nonsense 😳 at that age they most likely won’t remember it.

just concentrate on the whole family being relaxed and happy. That doesn’t require a big elaborate day out. Could a 30min picnic in your local park, or an afternoon spent drawing at home. Building a den in your garden.

They’ll remember feeling content - that’s all they need at this age, and you too.

OP, I doubt very much if your parenting is shit. You are in the trenches right now, it's really tough at this stage.

Is there any way you can occasionally split things up, with one parent sometimes wrangling the two little ones at home while the other parent takes the 5yo out somewhere? The oldest one is the only one who is really likely to get very much out of Big Days Out at this stage. 1 and 2 years old are such shit ages (I mean this in a loving kind of way). They don't like anything, they always have something wrong with them, they whinge nonstop, their play consists of making a mess or trying to kill themselves.

And when you have all three on your hands at once.... MrsBobtonTrent upthread has sound advice.

For annual holidays: think about taking a "daycare-cation" instead. This is where you calculate the amount of money you would have spent on flights, hotels, travel, etc. and instead spend the same amount of money on "stick the kids in paid childcare and have a few childfree days out as a couple in your own hometown." It sounds shocking from the perspective of the "making memories" bollocks, but it could really save your marriage, and you can always start doing the wonderful family holidays a few years from now when your little ones are capable of enjoying things rather than just trashing this and fussing all day long, like they probably are now!

MrsBobtonTrent had some fabulous advice above... but I was one of 4 under 5 at once growing up. My parents had us so regimented and were so quick to come down hard on any one of us who squeaked or tried to move an inch, that all of us remember childhood as being awful. We all left home at 17 or 18. You sound like you do understand what your little ones need and you are trying to enjoy times with them; I bet you will come out of this all really well, with happy kids who will want to see you. Hang in there. The ride isn't over yet.

Haven't RTFT but just to make you feel better or give you a laugh: my 3yo pissed all over my lap on the train. Fine, we're almost home, it can't get any worse than this, right? Except it could. He stood in the aisle and did an enormous shit, which rolled out of his shorts and went everywhere. I have never felt so ashamed in my life! All the best from a fellow mum of angry kids!

Oh hun, get yourself a nice big warm blanket, a cup of tea, a good book and sit outside in the garden and let them go to town!

If they are happy out there - fantastic!!!

Warm water in a tray, wet suits and welly boots, mud kitchen, anything to push, things for climbing, big cardboard boxes … let them go wild! Just get a comfy chair, and chill while they entertain themselves!!

I have an 11 year old and a 22 month old.

We do not have a garden.

If having a garden kept her happy and busy, you bet your arse I’d be out there all day letting her get on with it!!

I do feel for you because one toddler is handful enough for me!!!

Don’t worry about crafts for toddlers, just get some chalk, large paintbrushes with buckets of water for outside and some pencils and washable felts and large paper for inside - all they want and need to be doing right now is exploring mark making to develop those early writing skills!

They sound like perfectly healthy, crazy little toddlers!

You are doing great xx

Not sure if this has already been suggested but how about taking one child out at a time for a while.
Partner stays home to look after the younger two while you take the older one out then vice versa.
Just do local low key trips when you have all three and make sure you have another adult with you to help out.
And don’t forget to take time for yourself, even if it’s just a nice soak in the bath with a book when the kids are in bed.
Is there a tv show you and your partner could cuddle up on the sofa together and watch for an hour of an evening with a cuppa or a glass of wine?
Not the most exciting, but it’s about as much as can be managed when the kids are young.
And if there are two sets of grandparents to help out, organise a date night/afternoon and divide the children between the two.
It’s tough when they are little, just enjoy when things are going well and remember it gets easier when you are finding things overwhelming x

A couple of our local softplays have a container baby bit so you can go in there with the younger two while the older one can enjoy free rein. Even better if you take a pal for them to play with.

What about local places that do kids discos so you can have a coffee and the little ones are entertained. I realise these activities will be better if you and DH can do them together.

And yeah, local parks, play park and feed the ducks. Do little classes with the little ones while older one does their hobby.

And just be home too. Movies, crafts, playing with toys, screen time, picnics…

It will get easier 💕

😂

You are not a shit parent!

Toddlers are bloody hard work if you have one of them, 2 is just crazy to manage out in the wild.

I've got 5, including twins, and when they were younger we didn't do big days out. Local park, the bigger park in town, that was enough till they were reliable at not running off or having a tantrum etc.

There's plenty of stuff you can do at home or in your garden to get them doing stuff.

I know it's hard to be at home with the two little ones but I think either you or your husband taking the older one out for something (swimming, soft play?) would be a good idea.

Oh, and all this making memories shit is bollocks. I was talking to my now adult kids recently about things they remembered from their childhood and apart from some vague memories (mainly involving being ill or injured 🙄😂) they didn't really remember much from that age.

I'm currently in Paris with my almost 13 year old. We are having a great time.

He remembers barely anything we did before about 8 or 9 and tbh we didn't do loads due to no funds available. So honestly, do not worry and save your energy and money for when they are older. They will remember the 'feeling' of being loved and that will set them up for good experiences when they are older.

It's winter, hunker down and get through it. Get out in fresh air if possible but don't stress about making memories at this stage. They won't have any and yours will just be shit!😂

You are doing a fab job growing them up xx

They are really difficult ages, you are doing amazingly and it will get better!
From age 6, they sit by themselves reading/colouring - it is like a dream!

Even with mine who are older, we decided to have a very chilled Sunday today and didn’t leave the house! We cooked, watched telly, played… it was the most relaxing day ever! No pressure. Highly recommend.

My youngest 2 are 12 months apart. Just before my youngest was born I got talking to a mum of twins and and an older one 2 years older and I asked if she had any tips. She said find a small soft play where you can easily see the whole thing and that has a locked entrance with a member of staff always on the gate. Go there a lot. I did that and it was brilliant. It was always quiet in school term time. The kids couldn't escape and they were occupied. When mine were that age if we did any kind of day out we would have to take grandparents with us. Don't put yourself down, ignore Instagram, you are doing great. Anyone would struggle with children those ages. It will get better, my youngest 2 are 10 and 11 now.

Easy for someone with one child to manage to get one calm-looking photograph in the middle of chaos. Don’t compare someone else’s golden nanosecond with the whole of your life.

I would stop trying epic days out that inevitably end in disappointment. Chill at home. Make the garden work for you. You will be happier out there with a coffee if the garden is contained, interesting for the kids and everyone (including you) are properly dressed. Don’t be cold and miserable. When the fun stops, move inside. And vice versa.

No messy games inside. Arts and crafts outside. Toys everywhere is fine - it’s a clean mess. Cull the toys so they have fewer. Pack lots of it away. Rotate what is available. So much easier when there is a limited amount to strew everywhere. Plus it feels like new toys when you swap a new set in.

Stick the tv on and take time to do something you enjoy. Go out for short local missions only. Contain the toddlers (pushchair or reins). Get home before the goodwill runs out. If they have nursery in the morning, that’s enough tripping for stimulation. And they have each other. It’s enough.

My big days out with a baby/toddler were generally to another toddler parents house or a surestart centre. I don't remember doing much else!

Give yourself a break and remember that social media is full of curated nonsense and lies

I'll never get the money back I spent at peppa pig world.

Well all this making memories stuff is crap really, it's only the parents that remember anything. My adult children can hardly recall anywhere we went on holidays, days out etc. so give yourself an easier time. Stay home, go to the park, anything that's cheap, easy and doesn't involve high expectations and lots of cash.

Nursery don’t have a problem with them so it must be my shit parenting.

OP please don't think like that. They're at an age where they don't really know how to express themselves, but even they will recognise that their relationship with the nursery staff is different to the relationship they have with you, and that their relationship with the other children is different to the one they have with their siblings.

Believe all the PPs telling you it's not you it's them.

I had the exact same age gaps as you do, also the surprise third one only just over a year after the second. It was insane. My middle child is very full on, she is now diagnosed ASD/ADHD and she was a very difficult to manage toddler. I simply didn’t take them out by myself for a long time as it was frankly impossible.

I used to manage the preschool runs by allowing absolutely loads of time to get there, as I found this really reduced my stress which helped everyone. Like yours my younger ones would scream in a buggy, so I carried youngest in a back pack carrier and middle one had a ladybird bag back back with reins attached. I wouldn’t say she was totally happy about wearing it BUT it had to be as she would have gone under a bus otherwise, she was a major flight risk. I just had to be really firm about it and accept that some days it would take literally an eternity to get from the car to the school gate.

Our most successful activities were all in our garden, picnics (can be just biscuits!) pavement chalks, I had an old baby bath we used to wash cars, toys etc. also a mud kitchen was brilliant, doesn’t have to be anything fancy, a few old pots and utensils will do. Mine also watched an insane amount of peppa pig so that I could do something with my eldest for a moment too!
we were lucky that we had a nice small soft play nearby, so we would do that for an hour when we could both go. Literally nothing else, parks beach etc were a total nightmare. We also came home early from many holidays as it was just too hard.

How on Earth you’re managing to work nights during this phase I have no idea, you deserve a medal. Give yourself a break, you sound a wonderful mum who is absolutely doing her best. It is really hard, outings do get easier with time, until then just be kind to yourself. Your kids will have a better time enjoying their garden with you relaxed and happy. Happy mum = happy kids. 🥰

I only have two, but close together. I didn't go anywhere parenting on my own except toddler groups and other mums houses for the first 3 years.
The only trip to town in that time was for a smear test (that was fun.)

Enclosed spaces like farms and playgrounds generally make life easier if that's an option? Plus the dreaded soft play.

The closer to home the better though!

Lower your expectations of everyone and be kind to yourself. Small children are extremely hard work.

Hang in there OP, it does get better!

It’s the ages! It gets easier when they’re older.

At their ages I just wouldn't. You sound stressed trying to organise these perfect trips out but reality is toddlers don't care they just want to play, eat and nap as normal! So they get upset, you get stressed and the 5 year old sounds like they ask for stuff for attention cos everyone is running after the toddlers.
This stage won't last forever I'd chill at home more and divide and conquer maybe 1 of you take eldest out they will be interested in different things to the toddlers