Page 2 | Dad threatening to take son because moving house

Mysonsschool · 2024-10-20T18:54:11+00:00

I am in temporary accommodation and I have got to move soon I’m coming 1-5 bidding on houses (some nice new builds too) because I have been in my temporary flat for 3 years (housing crisis) I have got to move soon. My sons dad wants him to stay at his same school (would obviously be ideal) but has been messaging me all day saying my son will live with him full time (he currently goes Friday and Saturday night and most weekends one night his mum has our son) as he has grandparents who can do the school run from his house if I move to a part of the city that would mean he had to move schools. I have spoke to the council about him staying at the same school but they said due to him being reception they don’t take school into consideration and if if don’t bid they will just move me which could mean I end up in a high rise flat in a area in the city I don’t like. Aibu to not want to lose having my son Sunday -Thursday every week and just do weekends because I have to move hosue or I am being selfish to my son and should I just let him live with his dad. his dad can be very controlling and I just feel like he is always trying to control me but would understand to be told otherwise. Also would a court take my son if it went down that route due to me moving. this is the same dad I was being projectile sick on Thursday after having a abortion due to a SA and I asked for his help to do the school run and he said he couldn’t get him to school as his mum wasn’t home (they live together)

WiddlinDiddlin · 21/10/2024 03:56

I really don't think anyone sees a grown adult who would have to rely wholly on his parents to take his son to school, doesn't have a proper job or his own home, as a better option than a Mum who could take him to school herself!

Moving school at that age is really not a big deal, if it were it would be a consideration when applying for properties, as it is at other ages.

Ignore this mans attempts to control you - limit his contact with you to just the necessary and all in writing, and do what is best for you and your kid (which sounds like it is definitely moving to better housing and staying with you!).

MzHz · 20/10/2024 23:02

You need a separate phone for the ex. Or push him to email and only check it when ds is with him

StormingNorman · 20/10/2024 23:01

Changing school isn’t going to destroy him. Plenty of kids change school when they move house.

A stable home and being with his mum are the most important things for him.

Your ex is a dick.

MzHz · 20/10/2024 23:00

Research the hell out of all the potential schools that you might move next to and make sure to choose options that are at least as good as your current school choice. Look at secondary school choice too

even IF he takes you to court (unlikely) I doubt a court would order a change in residency if you can demonstrate that you’re making an improvement to living standards and stability in a new area with good schooling

stay calm, he’s trying to spook you and control you.

Original poster

Mysonsschool · 20/10/2024 22:59

MaterCogitaVera · 20/10/2024 22:55

Oh, I really feel for you. Don’t take on guilt that you don’t need. You being securely housed is massively important. It will also make it easier for you to be the mum you want to be. Many people have circumstances in their lives that mean the DC have to move schools. Even at older ages, it’s not usually the end of the world for them. Unless there’s something you haven’t said, that makes the current school uniquely perfect for your son, it sounds like your ex is being unreasonably controlling.

Just try not to pass your guilt and anxiety on to your son. When you know you’re moving, tell him it’s going to be a lovely adventure. Give him some special things to look forward to, just small things like choosing a new quilt for his new bedroom, or a new lunchbox for his new school.

You deserve to be safe and secure, OP, and you don’t deserve to have your ex use your son to make your life miserable. Make sure you keep a record of every message he sends you and every conversation you have, and don’t get drawn into arguing with him. Keep the moral high ground; you’ll thank yourself for it if any of this does go to court.

Thank you so much I will keep texts which include "don't poison him by talking about moving" and "I Weill keep asking him what school and if he doesn't want to move schools he can live at mine my mum dad and step mum all drive and can do the school runs"

OP posts:

Original poster

Mysonsschool · 20/10/2024 22:58

Eenameenadeeka · 20/10/2024 22:49

This sounds so stressful for you. I really don't think it matters at all to need to move his school at that age, it sounds like Dad is just trying to upset or manipulate you

I spoke to a helath visitor and housing officer in person about this too and they were saying a stable home is better then a school just his dad is like you will destroy him moving schools.

This a 30+ year old man who's lives in his mums house and works as a cash in hand DJ in a local pub on a random weekend. And still wouldn't help me out with the school run when I was unwell.

OP posts:

MaterCogitaVera · 20/10/2024 22:55

Oh, I really feel for you. Don’t take on guilt that you don’t need. You being securely housed is massively important. It will also make it easier for you to be the mum you want to be. Many people have circumstances in their lives that mean the DC have to move schools. Even at older ages, it’s not usually the end of the world for them. Unless there’s something you haven’t said, that makes the current school uniquely perfect for your son, it sounds like your ex is being unreasonably controlling.

Just try not to pass your guilt and anxiety on to your son. When you know you’re moving, tell him it’s going to be a lovely adventure. Give him some special things to look forward to, just small things like choosing a new quilt for his new bedroom, or a new lunchbox for his new school.

You deserve to be safe and secure, OP, and you don’t deserve to have your ex use your son to make your life miserable. Make sure you keep a record of every message he sends you and every conversation you have, and don’t get drawn into arguing with him. Keep the moral high ground; you’ll thank yourself for it if any of this does go to court.

Eenameenadeeka · 20/10/2024 22:49

This sounds so stressful for you. I really don't think it matters at all to need to move his school at that age, it sounds like Dad is just trying to upset or manipulate you

Original poster

Mysonsschool · 20/10/2024 22:42

MaterCogitaVera · 20/10/2024 22:40

I’m so sorry you’re going through all this. You’re not being unreasonable at all, from what you’ve said. It doesn’t sound likely that your ex genuinely wants to parent full time. He wants to pass it all off to his mum. Will she actually agree to parent her grandson full time?

I’m afraid I have no experience of the court system. I hope that a court wouldn’t think that keeping him in the same school is an important consideration at such a young age. Maybe someone with more knowledge than me can answer that part of your post. I just didn’t want to read and run. Wishing you all the best.

Thank you so much I know the council only take year 6 and gcse years into consideration and surely this must happen as lots of family's are no longer together. He was always controlling when I was with him but I do agree his school is important and would be lovely to keep it the same but I can't promise that and I feel so much guilt x

OP posts:

MaterCogitaVera · 20/10/2024 22:40

I’m so sorry you’re going through all this. You’re not being unreasonable at all, from what you’ve said. It doesn’t sound likely that your ex genuinely wants to parent full time. He wants to pass it all off to his mum. Will she actually agree to parent her grandson full time?

I’m afraid I have no experience of the court system. I hope that a court wouldn’t think that keeping him in the same school is an important consideration at such a young age. Maybe someone with more knowledge than me can answer that part of your post. I just didn’t want to read and run. Wishing you all the best.