Dad threatening to take son because moving house

Ops in the uk, she's in emergency social housing and is bidding on houses to rent through social housing. Many councils use a bidding system whereas they advertise all houses that come available for rent on a weekly basis and everyone who is on the council housing lists has the chance to 'bid' in the house. The person who is the highest on the priority list that bids then gets offered the house. To be between 1-5 op must be very high on the priority list.

This is spot on advice !

From the legal perspective he can challenge a change of school . However as in common with most things in legality it comes down to what is 'reasonable' ..

In this case it will mean can he REASONABLY get the same contact he currently has (him NOT his mother - she does not have parental responsibility ) where you move to.. but also into the mix is what is a reasonable quality and stability to your child's life ..

Also bear in mind that it is for his father to challenge changes in court ..

Work out what is reasonable.. an hour in each direction shared by you both is reasonable.. for example..

A court would only be conceened about the dads ability to see your son on the same schedule. How far away is the move? if your ex can get there (or you can drop off) in a reasonable time then there should be no concerns.

Your ex can't stop you moving but he can ask a court to review a change of school, however if it doesn't affect contact and it's a similar school to current then no judge is going to change residency.

So the critical information is - can you Ex maintain contact when you are at the new address. If the answer is Yes then I doubt a solicitor would recommend your ex goes to court.

Just make sure you and ds are legally protected in the event that he refuses to bring your ds back after having him.

All true, but I don't think that if it went to court this particular dad would get the right to veto his son changing school because his mum, who has always been his main carer, needs to move house. Thank goodness.

Nice sentiment.

But being in the BC and thus having Parental Responsibility gives the father the right to:
Veto school choice (potentially successfully )
Prevent the mother changing the child’s name, e.g adding her surname if the child has his but she does all the appointments, travel etc and even if hr has no contact at all
Prevent the mother taking the child abroad on holiday
Potentially prevent the mother from moving to a different area of the country.

All while taking no or minimal responsibility.

As someone who has dealt with a difficult ex... He is just being a dick about this because he can be a dick about it
He wants to make you feel bad and making you feel like a bad parent is the easiest way of doing this because all good mums worry about whether they are good mums so it's your achilles heal
He can talk all he likes about how your son would be better with him but unless he takes it to court he can't do anything (and a court would be extremely unlikely to say you can only have your child on weekends because of a house move). So just grey rock and don't give him the reaction he wants.

I moved my son schools this September and he has settled so well, and he is a shy child. He's in year 2, I think someone in reception class would settle just as quickly/quicker so do what's best for you and your son and ignore your ex x

He is on birth certificate and does have parental rights

Nobody has parental rights, they have parental responsibility. Your ex does not sound particularly responsible.

Children can perfectly manage to move schools. They adjust quickly and make new friends. Losing day to day contact with the mum who has been bringing him up would be much worse and I doubt the courts would support it if your ex took it that far. Ignore him.

He's a stupid man. Changing school is fine and children soon adapt. A family court aren't going to transfer residence for this reason. I'd still consult a solicitor if you're able to because these kinds of 'men' sometimes withhold children and refuse to return them if the resident parent doesn't do as they're told. It's all about control, punishment and mental abuse.

He’s full of bollocks. So you can have a 2-bed where your son can have his own room, but may need to change school at age five; his father can offer him… a bed in his granny’s bedroom? How long would that be feasible!?

Relax. Let your ex be a w*nker on his own, I doubt very much he will take you to court (how would he afford it?). He just wants to make you unhappy because he thinks he has the right to. He’s a git. Good luck getting your new place and with your move.

He can’t even do an odd day, and no court would agree you having weekend only access so grandparents can drive him to school. Ignore him

@Mysonsschool empty threats as pp said. Don't listen to his crap.

Is it really his mum who’s worried about the move? Whatever, just focus on getting your house. This should be an exciting time for you, don’t let your ex spoil it with his empty threats.

OK, well you know now that your ex is not your friend and is not on your side. So do not discuss or disclose anything to him where you feel vulnerable. Stop talking about your housing issue with him.

Keep talking to your HV and housing officer, don’t worry or set hares running until you know where they house you. Then present it calmly and directly as a job done and if he doesn’t like it, take you to court. But in that case warn him that there will be a court order for access and he might end up with less.

Keep a log of nights he has your Ds, and nights he leaves him with grandparents.

Talk with your HV about a court order for access anyway?

I can’t work out from your post how many nights a week ex currently has your Ds? Make sure you have the majority.

You are not at all unreasonable and moving school, if it did come to that, wouldn't bother a reception aged child too much.

I don't understand the bidding 1-5 for a house, are you in Scotland? I know the house buying system is different up there, everyone puts in bids or something like that. You say your current accommodation is temporary, it's all quite confusing. However you surely won't bid on a place too far away from where you and his dad currently live.

Wait until things are clearer, you may not get a new house that soon but, whatever, it is totally unrealistic to expect you to give up such a young child for so many days in a week. Your ex cannot insist upon that, no court would uphold it.

He doesn’t have rights, he has responsibilities. Your son has rights, one of which is the right to a decent home.
Try and focus on getting your house, moving there and finding a good school for your son. You’re giving your ex more headspace than he deserves.

I spoke to a helath visitor and housing officer in person about this too and they were saying a stable home is better then a school just his dad is like you will destroy him moving schools.

Your DS is in reception, he’s not going to be destroyed by changing schools!! The health visitor and the housing officer are right - a stable home is much more important. Get the best home you can for your son.

He needs his mum more then he needs his current school.
Growing up in a house with a crap dad and his grandparents raising him is not in his best interest.
Stand your ground ! Move and move schools . He will settle .
It sounds more like your ex wants him at the same school so he can control the situation and have his parents do school runs. At his age this is pathetic.
Don't be bullied. You have done nothing wrong .

Who in their right mind would think that staying in their Reception class was more important to a child than staying with their Mum?

However, I think you need to seek advice about getting a court order over access. Why does he have every weekend? I would be looking into getting residency established and you being legally established as the resident parent.

As a pp asked, is he on the BC?

And… are you now safe from SA? Was this him?

Three points.

Firstly this man is a dick. That is not in question.

Secondly a 5 year old doesn’t have a say. You can make it an adventure for him, but absolutely do not give him the choice. By saying he can live with your parents you are giving him legitimate grounds to be given residency.

And lastly if he’s on the birth certificate he has pr and can refuse for your son to move schools.

So while he can’t stop you moving house, he does potentially have more power than posts above are suggesting, and I suggest you seek some legal advice.