To ask for help listing mental load tasks

Evening tiny things like opening the curtains in the morning, taking the bins out (and returning them), letting the dogs out into the garden and doing a poo patrol, organising repeat prescriptions for daughter, booking hair cuts and dentist appointments, stacking the dishwasher and emptying it.

Theres also the non-tangible things that add to the mental thoughts, the constant churn that doesnt often need action but is a process you go through in your head

like whonis DC currently playing with, are they happy, are they meeting thier milestones, why didnt they eat their dinner today, they have a bit of a rash, do i meed to put some cream on it, am i raising them right, hair is getting a bit long, shall i book a trim, spider webs are getting out of control, that lampshade look dusty, is it PE tomorrow? Do they look like they are squinting? Maybe i should book an eye appointment. Theu dont seem themself today, maybe they are coking down with something, better check we have calpol. And on and on.

Another vote for Eve Rodsky

Loo roll, toilet cleaner, cleaning products.
When did we last wash the towels/ bed sheets.
Where are the red books/ vaccination records.
Pets. When are their jabs due, when are we going on holiday, are the kennels already fully booked, how much pet food do we have left. Where are the poo bags? Has the poo been picked up today?

If you can bare more admin on the list, put frequency on there. Play date every fortnight? Family day out/park trip/swimming every fortnight?

Booking and attending parents' meetings

Arranging childcare during school holidays.
Booking baby sitters.
Haircuts, opticians, dentist
Birthday presents for friends' parties
School uniform, school shoes
Booking holidays
Sourcing/assisting with homework
Bake sales
Car service
Boiler service

I think that daily weekly fortnightly monthly quarterly biannual and annual is a good idea but I would also add an ad hoc section for things that can't be planned for in advance such as liaising with doctors and childcare providers regarding illnesses, researching treatment options etc.

You forgot school holiday planning! My DH is decently hands on but I don't think it's ever occurred to him to plan or book anything for a school holiday whereas I'm a teacher so they're very much to the forefront of my mind. I don't mean actual holiday(s) but childcare/holiday clubs plus all the stuff that needs fitting round them like getting new school shoes, sorting appointments or visits that need to happen outside term time etc. Plus the drop off, lunch, collection for holiday clubs, which differ to normal school & nursery arrangements.

Should arranging to visit PIL go on there?

Even if something is annual rather than weekly/monthly it still needs remembering and doing.

I never mentioned TV licence, I was talking about insurance/car mot etc. Fair enough it’s not stuff that needs doing every day but if you let your mot lapse your insurance isn’t valid so it’s just important stuff that needs to be kept on top of, irrespective of how often.

Filters- dishwasher tumble dryer etc

If you can hand over all the non kid tasks to your DH, plus maybe volunteering at school fairs, then over time you’ll have much less to do and he’ll have the same amount.

car
diy
fun holidays
presents for Christmas
servicing cars and boilers etc
arranging family visits
arranging cleaners or painters

the KEY thing is that whatever you hand over, do not comment on whatever half arsed job he has done. Just let him crack on with it.

Meal planning
Shopping
Cooking

Cleaning:
Hoovering
Laundry - washing, drying, folding, putting away
Dusting
Tidying
Washing up/putting away dishes
Cleaning kitchen
Mopping floors
Taking out bins, changing bin liner
Recycling
Cleaning products

Bathroom
Cleaning bath, shower screen, sink, toilet
Mopping floor
Topping up toiletries
Changing towels

Bedrooms
Hoovering
Change and wash bed linen
Dust
Tidy

Can i suggest that you categorise your tasks,
Daily
Weekly
Monthly
Quarterly
Annually

That should help allocate time to them.

Don't forget things like
At the end of each day

• put toys away
• stack dishwasher & put on
• clean down kitchen worksurfaces & sink

For me it's the never ending laundry that gets to me each week
Bed linen
Towels
Sports kit
school.uniform
Work clothes
After school/work clothes
Weekend clothes

Having to anticipate what may need doing in order to keep the household running smoothly.

Thinking on the behalf of your dh ( for example, the list)

Our garden takes up quite a lot of time and energy and mental capacity working out what needs to be done and when. Same with cleaning the house, it’s never ending

It’s not really a regular task though is it- how often would you do that, once a year if that?! Same goes for a lot of these things.. TV licence is literally a direct debit you set up once.

I just mean, if you present him with a list of things like this it won’t have the impact you’re looking for. Whereas packing lunches, remembering to pay nursery fees etc are actually a PITA.

God, I/we don't do half of this stuff. Or at least spend very much time doing it at all.

Social lives, family visits, friend meet ups

Anything new you may need for the household beyond the day to day eg our whisk recently broke, we needed to get washing machine repaired, keeping an eye on what needs decorating, cleaning etc

Being on, and receiving never ending updates from, various school and activity WhatsApp groups.

Shopping lists
Meal planning
Car insurance/MOT
TV licence
Home/life/other insurance
Remembering birthdays/anniversaries
Making weekend plans
Planning household tasks like cleaning/repairs/decorating
Planning and organising social events
Organising and paying for window cleaners, carpet cleaners, oven cleaners eff
Checking that things like wifi/phone contracts/Sky etc are on the best tariffs and if not then arranging for new contracts
Banking/pocket money/tooth fairy etc

There are so many other things as well

Yes but looking for new deals etc takes thinking about, like the recent price cap on utilities happening meant I got us a new fixed rate for gas & electric, wouldn’t have crossed DHs mind to do that.

Same with insurance, yes you can leave it to auto renew but it’s worth checking annually to see if you can get a better deal.

Renewing passports isn’t a regular occurrence but if you’re not aware of when they run out you could get caught out, so it’s having that thought in mind to check the dates ahead of time.

Organising playdates and ferrying the eldest to them.
Researching any health issues with the kids, doctors, picking up prescriptions
Pets
Travel insurance
Bank accounts, researching best interest rates, ISAs for kids.
Home budgeting

Well writing this list has just added to the mental load 😂😂😂