About DD's name

Charlotte is a lovely name, it’s mine so I’m biased 😌. Always been Charlie to my DF, Charlotte to most others, with the occasional Chas/Shaz/Sharle. I have never been confused, even as a small child.

DF always called me Charlie as he hates Lottie, if anyone called me that I didn’t respond then, just as I wouldn’t now. I knew which names were acceptable to me and which weren’t, your DD will choose her preference.

I think you're overthinking this. My grandpa always called all five of us grandchildren by our full names, not nicknames. It was just how he was.

Your daughter may well decide soon enough that she much prefers Charlotte to Lottie. It's her name, she gets to decide.

Do not give them the satisfaction.

DD will not be damaged developmentally if otherwise. She is hearing you being called mum plus your real name.

smile at the CFILs, and enjoy your Victorian servant

My daughter gave herself her nickname when she started to talk, she always got Alannia or Lania but she called herself Lani, it's stuck. Your daughter will know her name regardless of who calls her what, I wouldn't choose this hill to die on. When she's older she might insist to her GPS that it's Lottie, not Charlotte 🤷🏻‍♀️

I actually think it's good to have relatives call her the full name so she also gets used to it. Most people would call her Lottie so I doubt it would confuse her. A lot of us had different relatives calling us by their own nicknames and some used our full government name. It was fun to have all those names as separate.

Let it go.

I fail to see what’s wrong with her getting used to both. She’ll very likely be called Charlotte once she starts school - unless you don’t give her official name.

My dd1 has a name with various shorter variants, all of which have been used throughout her life. It has honestly never bothered her, or me.

My mum has a thing about certain names being servant names, particularly shortened versions of longer traditional names. So many names I liked she’d say “oh that’s a servant’s name” it’s weird isn’t it! In the end I stopped discussing baby name ideas with her!

I don't think she'll get confused by this - think of all the kids growing up in bilingual households. Yes, it's a bit irritating, and it's rude of them to make such a fuss about it, but honestly, I couldn't be bothered to get worked up about this. Charlotte is her name, which you chose, so just let them call her by it. Keep the peace. It's good to have in-laws on side and this just isn't worth falling out about.

I was in your exact position, gave out DD a 'nickname' name we liked, and put the full version on the birth certificate.MIL told us at every opportunity that it was disrespectful to call someone by their nickname, she was heartbroken that her grandchild had to put up with it, and she always used the full name. It did cause a bit of friction but DD is 10 now and uses both and it's a non issue.
It did cause a bit of confusion when they had a supply teacher at school who read her full name and DD didn't answer, so geg her to learn both

Another commenter who grew up with several names used simultaneously by different people (if your parents choose to give you a fussy four-syllable name, I guess that's a likely outcome...). It didn't confuse me and I didn't mind. I think I even liked it a little bit.

So no, really not a hill to die on. Whether you find your DH too accommodating of his parents is a different matter, but what you describe here isn't sufficient evidence that this is the case. Anyway, I hope you find an MO that suits everyone.

I mean they’re calling her her name?

I don’t quite understand the issue…..

The thing is names seem to get shortened/adapted whatever name is used.
If the OP had just used Lottie on the birth certificate she'd probably end up being called Lotts or Lotto or Lot Lot and the Grandparents would be all huffy and saying "Her name is Lottie" 😁

Her name is Charlotte. It's her given name. They aren't calling her something random. Lottie is a nickname. Everyone doesn't have to call her it. It could be your special name for her..I think your making an issue out of nothing. If you wanted her called Lottie you should have actually named her Lottie. Even the she would get called T, Lot, Ottoe.

Yeh, my daughter decided to introduce herself as a nickname that DH occasionally calls her (but no-one else has ever used) at a holiday playgroup once.

It caused some chaos at pick up when DH asked for her by her real name and they said they had no child by that name.

She's never done it before or since, and just said she thought it would be fun to go by a different name for the day. Policing what people call your child is going to get messy when your child doesn't co-operate.

I feel for you OP as it sounds like the root issue is that you don't actually like the name Charlotte and that you and DH couldn't agree on anything.

It doesn't matter how many of us tell you that Charlotte is a beautiful name - if you don't like it, you don't like it. And none of this can change the fact that it's your DD's registered name.

There are boys and girls all over the world with longer 'formal' names who might be known as any kind of derivative of those names, or pet names, and they all manage just fine. But the problem is that you agreed to a formal birth name that you don't actually like. And you also have to face the fact that your DD might also prefer to be a Charlotte rather than a Lottie, regardless of the issues with your inlaws and with DH.

Yes she will. When I was 13 I insisted no one use my full name. It took a bit of work but I got there eventually, even my own mum didn’t use my full name again for the rest of her life (another 70yrs). But it was my choice as it should be the girl’s choice once she’s older. In the meantime I don’t see the harm in her having both names.

I think it’s probably not a bad thing for her to realise she has two names. After all, she is also learning that most people get called (and respond to) different names depending on the speaker.

I don't even remember all the versions of my name I grew up with. I was glad to become an adult and tell people the version I wanted to use, but it didnt harm me.

I think as the old saying goes, you dont have an in law problem, you have a DH problem.

@BunnyLake that's not my real name. Charlotte Lucas is from Pride and Prejudice :)

Dear lord OP. Your daughter's name is Charlotte but you wish to call her Lottie. Her grandparents want to call her Charlotte. This really is no big deal and your DH is absolutely right. It is not a hill to die on and a very silly thing to get your knickers in a twist about. They're not calling her Gladys or Desdamona are they? I have a similarly traditional name but longer and when I was growing up it was shortened to one thing by my Dad, another by my Mum, another by my brother and my grandma called me Babs (which had no relevance to my name at all). I always knew what my fucking name was and I am not mentally or emotionally damaged! This isn't about the name though is it, it's about point scoring with your in laws.

@BunnyLake her name is whatever her parents decide. If they want her to be known as Lottie then that is what people should call her. It's very disrespectful to say that Lottie is a ridiculous name.

But I hazard a guess that this will be a minor issue compared what's to come.