About DD's name

This! She will get called Charlotte at school and nursery and needs to learn it. My disabled 2 year old who is non verbal has about 5 nicknames and has no issues coming whatever one we should

By telling her when she’s older?

It's obvious that there is a back story of overbearing behaviour and over-stepping from your PILs. The only thing you can do is try and cut down on the amount of visits from PIL (a few times a week is a lot) so they have fewer opportunities to upset you.

100% - this is what its all about. This week its the name, last week was something else and next week and every week will be anothr issue and encroachment.

OP didn't want Charlotte on the birth certificate but her DH insisted. She just wanted her to be called Lottie and has said that she doesn't even like the name Charlotte.

It seems like her DH and PILs are being unfair to OP who sounds upset and defeated.

Unless I’ve misread, the grandparents are just looking after the baby for an hour or two a week. That isn’t childcare.
thats spending time with their grandchild.

childcare is an arranged agreement, with set hours and knowledge of both sides of whose responsible for the child. Usually, with the person doing the childcare being paid.

How's she going to learn her real name is Charlotte if you keep calling her Lottie?

Couldn't agree more.

Her Name is on the birth certificate and that's what they're using yet op is getting upset they won't call her by something else.

If you wanted her to be named Lottie then that's what you should have named her.

I totally get your annoyance OP. My son has a classic name on his BC but we were always planning on a specific shortened version (not saying which, MN tend to hate it 🤣). If anyone insisted on calling him by the long version (or a different common shortening) I'd be so irritated. He's 11 now and if we are at a Dr or somewhere that call him by his BC name he always corrects them.

Your DH is being ridiculously spineless. Take solace in the fact your daughter will correct then soon enough

I don’t know if it’s a Scottish thing but so many of my Scottish relatives were called random names that had nothing to do with their actual names, I don’t just mean nicknames but actual names, I never did find out why. I think people, even kids, can adapt very quickly to having numerous names applied to them.

OP, I feel bad for you. Everyone is shouting at you that her name is Charlotte not Lottie so of course you are being unreasonable, but you didn't want Charlotte at all but allowed your DH to get his own way as he would only be happy with a 'traditional' name on the BC. Your in-laws are deliberately going against your wishes that she should be called Lottie and your DH doesn't want to challenge them.

It's obvious that there is a back story of overbearing behaviour and over-stepping from your PILs. The only thing you can do is try and cut down on the amount of visits from PIL (a few times a week is a lot) so they have fewer opportunities to upset you.

This isnt about the name - that is just on incident on a long trail of hurt and ridiculous volatile behaviour from the IL that has you now walking on eggshells and on a short leash - you repressed anger (justifiable) is building resentment.

Read up on Toxic ILs and look to go grey rock, LC and NC - because these people will rob your joy of motherhood and erode your family. Their behaviour is already undrmining your marriage.

This is why when I named my children I refused to name them anything other than what I wanted to call them.

I came up against a lot of resistance when I named my fourth child Max, and refused to put Maximus or Maximilian on his birth certificate because that wasn't his name, his name is Max and that's what his birth certificate says.

If it were me I'd probably be heading back to the registrar and changing it so her name is officially Lottie.

Of course it is. Who's caring for the child when op and dad aren't there then?

Why should they predominantly call her Charlotte?? They want to call her Lottie, so that's what they should call her.

some seriously cuckoo people on MN

I don’t understand why DH got to choose a name that you don’t even like!

This should have obviously been sorted out months ago but neither of you get to trump a name.

You find one you both agree on.

Its not too late to change her name.

YABU Charlotte is her name and you should predominately be calling her that and not taking offence when others call her by her actual name.

What is going to happen when her teachers call her name on the register and she has no idea who they’re talking about.

Her name is Charlotte and most will call her that.
When she’s older she may choose to use her nickname instead.

No it’s not

Just to give you a bit of hope, my parents couldn’t agree on my name so a traditional name was chosen for on my birth certificate (think along lines of Catherine) but I’ve never ever been called that in my life, except by doctors and even then there’s a bit now that says ‘known as’ with my normal every day name on it. Even banking, it’s my known as name. If someone called my birth certificate name out, I wouldn’t even flinch. To me it’s my ‘legal’ name, but not my name iykwim.

never been confused about my name and
your wee girl won’t be either I’m sure.

"An hour or two without us" that is childcare!

I'm with everyone who says they're calling her the name you actually gave her, on her birth certificate, that she will be officially called everywhere, including at school on official documentation. I think you better get used to it now.

Her names Charlotte. They're using her name, whats the problem? Are you honestly telling me you never refer to her as baby/darling/sweetheart??

Really? Because of this?
What is this world coming to??

She won't get confused.

My parents call my DS his full name because they preferred it to the short version we chose to use.

I didn't mind.

It became a nice little special thing between them.

He's 25 now and he always uses his short name but to grandma and grandad he's still always Benjamin (not actual name but similar type situation.)

It's sweet.

You can chose to get het up about it or not.

Charlotte is a gorgeous name btw!

This has something to do with the fact she's your MIL - you even mention there's bad blood between you. Your husband doesn't want to cause tension with them, which makes sense. Saying it's confusing for your daughter is a) causing her a disservice (children aren't stupid) and b) contradictory - you said yourself you gave Charlotte as the full name incase she wanted to change it in the future, ie if she doesn't like Lottie, so it works both ways, if her grandparents call her Charlotte and she doesn't like it, she'll be able to call herself something different when she's older just like you've set her up to do.

you're being quite unfair

"For those asking, no, I don't like Charlotte at all. DH and I have very different taste in names and Lottie was a huge compromise from me at nearly 6 weeks old when we had to pick something. It was the only one we could sort of agree on."

It's not too late to change her first name on her birth certificate. You just need to make sure you do it before her first birthday.

What middle name does she have? You could swap them, or give her a new first name and use Charlotte as a middle name instead. Although if you don't actually like the name at all, it should never have been on the table.

Let me guess - you took DH's surname after you got married, and DD has his surname too?