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AIBU?

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Original poster

About DD's name

331 replies

user873628 · 20/10/2024 17:21

DH and I have a 9 month old DD. We chose the name Lottie for her, but wanted her to have a formal name so her BC is Charlotte. We always intended to call her Lottie and never call her Charlotte. When she is bigger she may choose to go by Charlotte/Charlie but for now she is definitely Lottie.

In laws hate the name Lottie and always have. They say it sounds like a Victorian servant and is ridiculous and refuse to use it. I find this rude, DH doesn't. In laws do a lot to help us out and are kind people at heart but there is a lot of history between us. Won't go in to what but it's important for the sake of this thread as a small issue ('please call her Lottie') could descend in to absolute chaos quite quickly.

DD is at the age where she should be learning her name, and so I've asked DH to ask in-laws to call her Lottie whilst she is learning it, so as not to confuse her, particularly when they have her for an hour or two without us. DH said he would but they've just come to take her out and repeatedly called her Charlotte and DH said absolutely nothing. I've asked him why now that they've left and he said it's going to cause a huge issue and he doesn't want to get involved. AIBU to want her called by the name we use at the moment?

Just to add, I have no issue with them using Charlotte when she's bigger, but right now she is learning her name and I want to avoid confusion.

OP posts:
Natsku · 20/10/2024 19:35

I wouldn't worry about it, she'll still learn her name just fine even if her grandparents call her Charlotte.
Both my children were called Baby more than their actual names in the first 3 years of their life but they still eventually learnt their names. My youngest was also called a myriad of different names, I think his actual name was used the least, but he still knows his name (and I still call him Baby more than his name)

jumpintheline · 20/10/2024 19:34

Lottie is a lovely name. They sound like dicks

Kitkat1523 · 20/10/2024 19:33

TheCultureHusks · 20/10/2024 17:23

9 months? She wouldn’t be going anywhere with them alone!

Why not? …… I often took my 3 GDs out when they were much younger than 9 months……gave my DD chance to clean house, get her hair done, have a chill

Littlesandjoolz · 20/10/2024 19:33

thepariscrimefiles · 20/10/2024 19:31

OP has said:

'It isn't free childcare!! They see her for an hour or so a few times a week when it suits them (they always ask, I never do). We pay for full time childcare at nursery.'

This is something that her PILs want, not something that OP is asking for. They aren't doing her a favour.

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I haven't claimed they are doing her a favour. But they are providing childcare and op will be benefitting from it.

katepilar · 20/10/2024 19:33

Your daughter will learn that her name has different versions. I am not sure what this "she should be learning her name now" comes from.
I think your husband did tell his parents as you requested and its ok that he didnt have a go at them after that for not using Lottie if it just doesnt sit with them.

Differentstarts · 20/10/2024 19:32

Don't worry about her getting confused I have about 5 names for my kids each. Their actual names, shortened version, lengthened versions, nicknames, names that rhymes with their names

Needmorelego · 20/10/2024 19:31

@Strictlymad every nursery/school I know asks if there is a "known as" name that a child is known by rather than their birth certificate name.
The school will call her Lottie if the OP tells them she is "known as" Lottie.
It's not complicated.

thepariscrimefiles · 20/10/2024 19:31

Littlesandjoolz · 20/10/2024 19:21

Oxford dictionary- care for children, especially that provided by either the government, an organization, or a person while parents are at work or are absent for another reason.

Spending time with their grandchild is covering childcare.

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OP has said:

'It isn't free childcare!! They see her for an hour or so a few times a week when it suits them (they always ask, I never do). We pay for full time childcare at nursery.'

This is something that her PILs want, not something that OP is asking for. They aren't doing her a favour.

tolerable · 20/10/2024 19:30

charlotte/Lottie isnt worth gettin knickers in knot about.given its not a secret-some kids speack more than one language so im sure she will not be scarred for life./confused.
If was THEM call her shortened name Id probably kick off. (and get nowhere)My ds spent ds1s ENTIRE childhood calling my son abbreviated version- Would buy him pens,sticker books,tshirts with WRONG name on. grrrrr......can you reframe in your head that they are "affectionately using charlotte"..pick your fights...?

Maria1979 · 20/10/2024 19:30

You put Charlotte on the birth certificate so you are YABU. Call her Lottie and let them call her by her birthname. That way she gets used to both. If you wanted for her to go to by Lottie that's what you should have put in her birth certificate.

thepariscrimefiles · 20/10/2024 19:29

purplebeansprouts · 20/10/2024 19:24

That's so nasty. Charlotte is an extremely popular name.

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You were nasty about the name Lottie. I didn't say that Charlotte was an awful name, I said that I preferred Lottie.

gtx1797h · 20/10/2024 19:29

Prefer the spelling Lotte not Lottie but it’s a cute name

purplebeansprouts · 20/10/2024 19:28

Falseshamrok · 20/10/2024 19:18

By telling her when she’s older?

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What as a grand reveal sit down there's something we must tell you before you start school?

purplebeansprouts · 20/10/2024 19:27

user873628 · 20/10/2024 18:51

At 6 weeks I don't really think there is much more time to hold out. It felt as if we had exhausted all options.

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I think he took advantage of your postpartum state.

Falseshamrok · 20/10/2024 19:26

Op, if it’s good enough for princess Catherine of whatever, (Kate!) then I’m sure you’re fine.

DrizzleMySwizzle · 20/10/2024 19:25

JumpstartMondays · 20/10/2024 19:24

And this is why I never understand giving children/babies a name if you don't intend to use it.

You named her Charlotte. People are calling her Charlotte.

It sounds more like you don't like the name Charlotte that you chose for her, to me.

if you read her posts (crazy idea!) you'll see she doesn't really like the name Charlotte.

Falseshamrok · 20/10/2024 19:25

Littlesandjoolz · 20/10/2024 19:21

Oxford dictionary- care for children, especially that provided by either the government, an organization, or a person while parents are at work or are absent for another reason.

Spending time with their grandchild is covering childcare.

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Ok thanks for going to the trouble of looking it up 😂😂😂😂
I stand corrected.

purplebeansprouts · 20/10/2024 19:24

thepariscrimefiles · 20/10/2024 18:24

You're not even being tongue in cheek. You really are as snobby as her in-laws. Lottie is much nicer than Charlotte.

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That's so nasty. Charlotte is an extremely popular name.

Littlesandjoolz · 20/10/2024 19:24

Strictlymad · 20/10/2024 19:19

This! She will get called Charlotte at school and nursery and needs to learn it. My disabled 2 year old who is non verbal has about 5 nicknames and has no issues coming whatever one we should

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Not really. They ask you what your want them to be known as and can give any name you want.

JumpstartMondays · 20/10/2024 19:24

And this is why I never understand giving children/babies a name if you don't intend to use it.

You named her Charlotte. People are calling her Charlotte.

It sounds more like you don't like the name Charlotte that you chose for her, to me.

MouseMama · 20/10/2024 19:23

I don’t think this is a hill worth dying on if they are helping you. It is her name and it won’t confuse her. Most children have at least one nickname so are used to responding to at least two names.

purplebeansprouts · 20/10/2024 19:23

user873628 · 20/10/2024 17:48

Thanks for the perspectives! It's good to know she is unlikely to get confused- that was my main concern.

I'm more pissed off with DH than with them refusing to use Lottie, although I do think their comments about the name have been rude.

For those asking, no, I don't like Charlotte at all. DH and I have very different taste in names and Lottie was a huge compromise from me at nearly 6 weeks old when we had to pick something. It was the only one we could sort of agree on.

Ah that's the real issue then. I'm afraid that you shouldn't have compromised if you hate the name Charlotte. It's your daughter's name so maybe you could learn to love it?

Littlesandjoolz · 20/10/2024 19:21

Falseshamrok · 20/10/2024 19:17

Unless I’ve misread, the grandparents are just looking after the baby for an hour or two a week. That isn’t childcare.
thats spending time with their grandchild.

childcare is an arranged agreement, with set hours and knowledge of both sides of whose responsible for the child. Usually, with the person doing the childcare being paid.

Show quote history

Oxford dictionary- care for children, especially that provided by either the government, an organization, or a person while parents are at work or are absent for another reason.

Spending time with their grandchild is covering childcare.

sesquipedalian · 20/10/2024 19:20

OP, I sympathise with you. When I brought my daughter home from hospital, my MIL disliked the diminutive my DH and I had chosen, and we nearly fell out about it, but over time my daughter became the diminutive and as everyone called her that, so did MIL. I’m with your DH about having a “proper” name on a birth certificate - it gives your DC choice later in life, and she may choose to use one as a professional name and the other with friends and family.

DrizzleMySwizzle · 20/10/2024 19:20

purplebeansprouts · 20/10/2024 19:15

How's she going to learn her real name is Charlotte if you keep calling her Lottie?

How do Jamies learn that their official name is James, an Abbie that she's Abigail, a Wilf that he's a Wilfred?

How do you suspect that this very common situation works out?