About DD's name

Agreed, those are ridiculous names.

For the love of God - is there anything - anything at all - which doesn't boil down to a woman being the victim of a man's abuse in some posters' eyes??

Personally I wouldn't agree to give a child a name on their birth certificate if I had no intention to use it.

Except that children are not pets or personal possessions. They are young human beings who hopefully will live 70-100 years.

What their parents call them in childhood is a mere blip; they deserve options as their life progresses.

One parent may not wish to use the name on the birth certificate, but other people in the human's life MAY wish to, and the human herself MAY wish to use a more formal, dignified, mature and distinguished-sounding name. Not everyone wants to spend their life as Bitsy, Ollie, Tootie or Teddie.

Thank you! Precisely, it is ok.

It is ok to have a different viewpoint. Different interpretation. Different understanding.

I think other posters have misunderstood.

I'll rephrase then. Personally I don't understand. I just don't get why anyone would agree, or call it a compromise 😂 to call a child by a name they haven't given them from birth.
Personally I wouldn't agree to give a child a name on their birth certificate if I had no intention to use it.
If one doesn't like something, why agree to do it? The same applies to any thing.
It has nothing to do with what other people do, or have chosen to do since the dawn of dinosaurs/church/whatever. Of course that has happened. Doesn't mean it makes sense though just because philanthropically, people have done it before.

I once dated a man I'd known professionally and socially for years as George, only to find that when with family he was called Dominic.

He switches forth and back effortlessly.

Happy for your child's adult self that your husband held out for an actual dignified name instead of a cutesy diminutive on the BC.

She won't have a problem learning her name. At her age & well beyond, I was Millicent, MiMi, Mim-Mim, Millie and (for some bizarre reason) Boo-Boo, depending on who was with me at any given time. It never caused an identity crisis.

Hmmm. I think I'd be annoyed if they were calling her a name that was NEITHER her given name or your chosen shortening. My MIL did this - kept calling my DC by a different, shortened version of her name to the one we used, because that was a "family name" (a quite distant family member who I've never met - my husband maybe once or twice in early childhood? Not someone it would feel natural to name our kid after). It did upset me, especially as she kept ignoring our requests to use the name(s) we'd chosen, and it felt possessive, in a way. But there was also a big backstory there.

I think in your case, it's maybe a little different. People are inevitably going to use the name you put on her birth certificate - doctors, teachers etc. I don't think it will hugely confuse her at this age. But I do understand it's frustrating when you express your wishes and people close to you choose to just ignore them! Especially as you'd hope your DH would back you up and he isn't... Ultimately she's your child and you should get to choose what she's called, at least while she's little.

Well her name is Charlotte so I don’t really think you can make that big a deal of it to be honest.

Thanks for the apologies

I know this isnt the point but it may help ease your worries my daughter goes by two compleatly different names depending on who shes with she answers to and refers to her self as both and has done with no issues for many years she knows what one her offical name is but she likes to be both depending where she is

I think Charlotte is a lovely name but 'Lottie' is nice as a nickname; I was at school with a Charlotte/Lottie, she was lovely, became a psychotherapist. Her dad was a Jewish professor, he also called her, "Lottie", her mum (who was also....), used, 'Charlotte'. However that is not relevant.. Your daughter will get used to both, don't worry.

It's not unusual for grandparents to prefer to use the full name, certainly not worth being upset about.

My youngest was referred to by about five different versions of his name and as now an adult he still is. I love him having a name with lots of layers. By the way, it never confused him as a child.

She can DEFINITELY handle learning two names for herself. Many children are learning two or more languages from the start.

I agree with your second sentence - husband doesn't like the name Lottie, so of course he is happy for his parents to use Charlotte. It seems very likely from what has been said that he too would prefer to call her that, unless 'Lottie' has grown on him since she was born

I dont think he is being 'the boss' though. It's not like he is trying to force the OP to use the name she doesn't like.They had to come to a compromise when they ran out of time to register the birth, but I can't really see any good good reason why the compromise can't continue, with each parent, like the GPs, using the version they prefer.

2 people calling her the BC name won’t make any difference to her knowing what her name is. I’d honestly wouldn’t make this an issues with your in-laws, it’s really not worth the hassle.

My son has a ‘proper’ name on his birth certificate (think for example ‘Elijah’ but goes by Eli). MIL and SIL have always called him ‘Elijah’, MIL once told us we shouldn’t have put Elijah on the BC if we wanted him to be called Eli. He has never not known what his name is. He’s nearly 4 now and he corrects people if they call him Elijah and tells them that his name is Eli (MIL has since given up on calling him Elijah but SIL still does and he corrects her every time).

They may be involved but they aren't lovely. She isn't grateful for their help because she doesn't want it. She pays for full-time child care and any time they have with their grand-daughter is at their request.

She doesn't like the name Charlotte, but her DH would only put the traditional name Charlotte on the birth certificate, but said that they would call her Lottie.
He won't ask his parents to call her Lottie as they would have a tearful melt-down.

My mind went straight to the Lottie Project too 😂

With her grandparents??

The name is a red herring.

The real issue is your PIL’s don’t respect your wishes and your DH refuses to pull them up on it.

You’ve got years of this ahead I’m afraid…

When I was pregnant with my DD we were floating a boys name with my parents and my mum immediately took against it (didn't matter in the end as we had a girl!).

She told me she wouldn't call him that and would instead call him a name of her own choosing. I reminded her that she already had the opportunity to name her children and now the opportunity was mine. I also suggested that if it was acceptable to call people by things other than their name, my child would not be calling her grandma (her chosen title) but something else that I would think up.

I accept it's easier to have these tricky conversations with your own parents though!

@user873628

how many babies do you think believe their name is pumpkin or smelly bum??

Apologies, I thought I was responding to the poster that said that Lottie was a scullery maid's name and that Charlotte was a much better name.

But that’s ok if you don’t understand it, millions of other people do! And the compromise of a legal longer name, and a shortened every day name is ok.

@JumpstartMondays yes but people have done that since the dawn of time (or whenever birth certificates/church records/census began).
Names like Kate.
99% of those named Kate are likely to actually be a Katherine/Kathleen.
It's so normal I am surprised when you say you don't understand.