About DD's name

Nicknames are normal. Nobody gets confused by them. You have a you problem, not a DH problem. Your DH and his parents like her name and don’t see using it a gross insult. It’s her actual name. It’s regrettable that you’ve given her a name you don’t actually like but you have to take at least some of the responsibility. One of the loveliest things about my childhood was having a grandma who loved me so incredibly. One of the nicest things about being a parent is seeing the relationship that develops between grandparents and grandchildren. - not just when they are tiny (the very young and the very old being natural allies) but when they are stroppy teens or independent young adults and they have this whole extra thing going on.

You're not even being tongue in cheek. You really are as snobby as her in-laws. Lottie is much nicer than Charlotte.

My dogs respond to 'dickhead' if I look at them with a smile and say it enthusiastically, so I don't think you need to worry! I was always known as my 'Sunday name' (birth certificate name) amongst grandparents and an abbreviated nickname with close family and friends. If using her full name causes upset with your daughter as she gets older, then you may need to have the conversation with the inlaws again, but I wouldn't create an issue where there isn't one.

@Ponderingwindow but when it's a well established shortening it's quite normal.
Alexander/Alex
Robert/Bobby
Elizabeth/Lizzy
Benjamin/Ben
Margaret/Maggie
etc.
Charlotte to Lottie is pretty normal.

That is nonsense if the parents are ok with it

I was called many different derivatives of my long name growing up!

My dad had a baby name for me which I love and he still uses today, and my mum a longer version of that nickname (one more syllable) which she also still uses. Never used my full name except when talking about me to others and in birthday cards.

My siblings use both as well as my full name.

School friends called me yet another nickname (actually a few - some less flattering!)

My grandparents called me by my full name

As does my husband.

Caused me zero confusion and I actually quite like the personal touch from people in my lives. YABU!

She won't get confused. My D has a long name, various shortened versions of it that various people use and sometimes her middle name gets thrown it too because I hyphenated her names for school because I thought it sounded pretty. I call her by a particular nickname that no one else does. She manages fine.

This is a pet peeve of mine, parents putting a name on the birth certificate but using a different name for the child.

I have sympathy for the grandparents as they are using the child’s actual name. Yet, parental wishes should always win out unless it is a safety issue so if you don’t want them to use her name that is your right and they should respect it.

The issue obviously isn’t the multiple names - loads of children have pet names and nick names - it’s more that they are being pretty rude and acting like the choice of name is theirs to make. Your partner needs to stop avoiding conflict as this is a really simple matter: they had their opportunity to choose their own children’s names but they don’t get to do that with a baby who is not their daughter. Nicknames are fine, but not if they are knowingly annoying the parents.

Your in-laws and DH are dicks. Her name is Lottie and that is the name that they should be using. Is DH scared to bring it up with his parents or does he agree with them?

PFB? Charlotte is her name. She will need to learn that first surely.huge overreaction.

Also I think my view is coloured that I've got a short name (like Katie) and have had people who have insisted on calling me Catherine even though that is not my name. And I think what a prat it makes those people seem. Your DD will see DGPs for all their petty behaviour when she's older and hopefully with all the panache and tact of a three-year-old will tell them quite bluntly to stop calling her that. And it will be a beautiful moment to witness. 🤣

…find it more odd that you had all that time before you were pregnant, plus 40 weeks of being pregnant, to find a name you both liked - and ended up being so rushed, that you put a name on a BC that you didn’t even like.

Ooh yes, do this OP! Can’t believe the PPs saying it’s ok. It’s not, it’s disrespectful. You’re her parents and you’re the ones who decides what she’s called until she’s old enough to make her own choice. (Mum of teenage Natasha here and we and the GPs are the only ones who don’t call her Tash 🙄)

This.

she's explained that it was a compromise due to her and husband having very differing tastes and his insistence of a traditional name on birth cert.

I think YANBU. We have a child with a long name but we only ever intended to call them the short version. We just always called them the short version and when they were a bit bigger we told them what the long version was. The child has had no issues with that.

Have a look at the thread from earlier in the week where people were saying that getting someone's name right is basic respect and purposely changing it or getting it wrong is a power play and all-round dick move.

Op I don’t seem it but totally on your side. I have 3 dc in their 20’s who have long names but we only call them the shortened version, with the intention being the shortened version when we named them, it’s worked well in that thankfully everyone does. But in your case - 2 people calling her the version you don’t want - it’s fine, Either she’ll correct them or it’s a thing the 3 of them have.

May this thread be cautionary of people naming a child a name they don’t want!

Tbh I don't really understand why you named her Charlotte but then insist on everyone calling her Lottie? If Charlotte is her real name then I think others will naturally want to call her that and because you've made everyone call her by her nickname I doubt she will suddenly want to start being called Charlotte or Charlie later on. I had a similar issue to yours though slightly different, so I'll use yours as an example. I didn't mind anyone calling her Charlotte or Lottie, but some wanted to call her Charlie as a nickname and I said no. I didn't want others creating their own nickname for her.

Sevensummers1 · Today 18:09

The only one I ever drew the line at was when one friend started calling me Chazza

Well! Isn't that the giddy limit!

I'd probably veer towards the 'it isn't a hill worth dying on' but it's so snooty and high-handed of them to declare the name you'd decided to refer to her day-today in such disparaging terms. I'd have a battle with my petty inner self not to give them a taste of their own medicine e.g if mil had decided she wanted to be called 'Granny' I'd start referring to her as Nana or another grandmotherly name she was appalled by.

@user873628 of course, you know what you have to do now! whatever mil and fil want to be known as, you just teach your daughter to call them something else! think nana and gramps and make it granny and grandad!!! two can play at that game!