Cheeky grandma putting her granddaughter over our fence

CFs have hides of rhinos - thats how they dominate and take. She wont be 'hurt' by a firm message.

Need to be direct - rinse and repeat the same simple message - dont get drawn in on anything.

Look at this as an opportunity for personal development.

I agree with @Fugliest , @MissScarletInTheBallroom , @neonjumper and all the other posters who've said not to make excuses.
Being vague or making excuses might mean you won't get the issue sorted to your liking. Being direct doesn't mean you have to have a falling out with someone, it's perfectly possible to be politely direct and remain on good terms.

It's not acceptable. Definitely need to politely say not to do it again. If you want to give a reason, say it's an invasion of your privacy. Ask if she wants dgd to see you & dh naked?
Also, van youive sest slightly & put a dpukey plant in the way? A nice prickly holly in a tub, so you csn move it elsewhere later?

Goodness @GrannyRose15 which decade/where was this behaviour ever "normal"?

I was born in the 60's, one of 4 kids, and this NEVER happened where I grew up in the 60's/70's/80s, and then into the 90's when I had my own kids.

People had manners where I grew up, never presumed their GC were wanted before asking

Definitely create some boundaries
Hi CFGran, please call/message before any play dates, rather than simply sending GD round, it isn’t always convenient. Thanks

As every single poster said last time - BOUNDARIES!
You need to tell, not ask, her that this will not be happening again. Drop a please in if you have to but you aren't asking for a nice favour here, you are telling a CF not to do something that leaves you feeling uncomfortable in your own home and is potentially unsafe for the kid.
She isn't listening to you when you're politely asking if you own child can come home when you want them to, so you're going to need to be very clear and every firm going forwards.

Did you miss this part in the first para?

...but this child has recently started to say mean things, so I’ve backed off.

Why should she expose her DD to this?

Like GM like GD

Maybe @GrannyRose15 is your neighbour OP....

I grew up in the 70s and it was definitely not OK to "spontaneously" climb into other people's gardens then either.

Popping round and spontaneously knocking on the door - ok
Putting your grandchild into someone else's private back garden without their permission - not ok.

But op said she didn’t like them coming to the front either. She ought to be pleased that her child has a friend that wants to spend time with her, not doing everything she can to put the child off.

It was NEVER normal to let yourself into someone else's private space! No one is saying anything about not being spontaneous.

tell the mother that you'll be reporting the GM to SS if it happens up again - she's clearly not taking responsibility or caring for the child if she's dumping her into someone else's garden.

No it isn’t normal now ie it is not common practice because people today are so insular and precious about their space. As I said everything has to be arranged now and put on the calendar or it doesn’t happen. This is not a good thing. Spontaneity is good for children.

Whatzapp her and say you were in the lounge doing your bikini line and it was not ok to realise her gg was staring through the window.
You will have to be clear that when your dd isn't there you do not expect other children and it is a safegaudi g issue if you haven't been asked and they are dumped in the garden.
Whatbof you have been upstairs, you wouldn't have a clue she was there and could fall off the bench trying to get back over.
I appreciate it is a difficult one to combat.

Child should be knocking at the front door not peering in windows at the back of a house, that is private space and yes OP could have been doing anything (in her own house)!

Don’t play around with subtle . Be direct .

hi it’s great that .. and are friends . However don’t put her over the fence . It isn’t always convenient ie this morning as Dd wasn’t home .

if … wants to come over and play WhatsApp first. We can let you know if it’s convenient

I agree. These types will always find a way around things. Tell her what you want her to do - ie text before to check if it is convenient or not.

I don't think lifting the child Over the fence is at all normal, yes maybe knock on the front door but not just lift the child into the garden!!

Bollocks is it normal. We called at people's houses for our friends when we were kids and if we were told to go away, we went away. We certainly didn't just turn up in the back gardens, face pressed against the window. My grandmother raised me and she would have skelped me if I let myself onto someone's property like that. OP has a right to expect privacy in her own house. I wouldn't be light hearted, I would make it clear she is taking the piss and she is NEVER to do that again. You call at the door or you send a message and you take NO for an answer.

Very cheeky. Nip it in the bud now.

What if you weren’t in? Would the child be trapped in your garden?

Don't make an excuse! Just tell her you don't like it! She needs to understand that it is her behaviour that is the problem, not your dog.

The child comes to call for her friend after grandma lifts her over the fence. Child goes away when she finds out friend isn’t in. All quite normal. Exactly what used to happen all the time before our constant obsession with mobiles and play dates. If anyone in this story is weird it isn’t the child or her grandmother.

This would do my head in - definitely send a text.

I'm probably a bit of a people pleaser but I would keep it jokey and light hearted because, on a serious note, it's always best to keep good neighbour relationships if you can - tension makes for a difficult life for all, and you never know, at some point you may need to call on her for last minute childcare in an emergency or whatever......

I'd say, "Sorry to be a pain but is it ok if going forwards we arrange playdates over WhatsApp rather than you just popping over the fence - I am worried she might see me walking around in my underwear and be scared! 🤣 Hope you understand! X ". Something light-hearted and friendly - but hopefully she will still get the message.

Good luck.

Oh god, I remember your last thread too! You need to tell her not to do it again, by whatsapp if you can't face her in person. I would literally just say that: Can you please not deposit X in our garden again. I wouldn't give reasons or excuses because it just invites debate, and I definitely wouldn't cite ddog, as you don't want her reporting a dangerous dog to the RSPCA or something nuts. If necessary escalate to the girl's parents. This is such shit behaviour from granny.