How can I make Xmas better with MIL?

@pistachio92 Do you have parents around for you to visit on boxing day? if not, can you take your kids out and do something good with them like ice skating or something to break up your day of dread? definitely drive her home first but next year you need to dictate that you are not entertaining his mother. does he have siblings who can do it for a change or does she have any friends who are also on their own? how old are the kids? better still book a hotel for christmas meal near your MIL then you only have to see her for the one day when you go to eat! and he should be doing all the cooking for a change to give you a rest. you can also feign an accident and sprain your wrist or ankle!

5 days
That's mad
How did you get roped I. To that
One day is plenty
Tell your dh he is to take her home on Christmas day evening
Start as you mean to go on
She's taking the piss

Say....
Do you want to peel the parsnips or the potatoes.
Do you want to make the starter or the dessert
Do you want to take the kids out or do the dishes

Don't let doing nothing be an option

Ask her to help with specific tasks eg peel veg, lay table

Arrange eg pantomime, ballet so you get out of the house

Remember that, in future, you might be the MIL in this situation. Treat her as you would wish to be treated

You don't need his permission!

What do you mean he "won't have it"?

He is forcing you to host her, in your OWN home? He is instructing you to do something you don't want to do? He is not the boss of you. Put your foot down and refuse a visit this year.

Otherwise I'd fuck him off too, as well as her.

Decline any pressure. You're choosing to make yourself miserable, her son can host.

Tell DH he needs to compromise. It’s three days max or nothing.

Do you never see your family at Christmas? What if you wanted to go away?

If DH is difficult, make plans to go to your family with the DC on Boxing Day and leave him entertaining her.

Simple answer: you can't.

So you tell your DH that you need a year off from having her stay. That it's not fair on you and the children and that under no circumstances are you having any overnight guests in your home over Christmas this year. End of.

You've put up with this shit for long enough, now it's your turn to have a good Christmas for once.

Sorry rant over. As others have said plan stuff in for MIL with the kids or her and the kids. Ask DH what he wants to do with MIL (it's his mum) and tell him what days he needs to organise things on. Either someone helps you with the dinner on Christmas day or DH and MIL can organise booking dinner at a restaurant if they don't want to help. Book some stuff in that you want to do too. Everyone should get to do a bit of what they want over the holidays

Tell her what to do. Can you set the table while I pour the drinks, can you play with little Johnny while I sort the baby, could you run the vacuum round while I tidy the kitchen, she may get the message eventually. She may not know if she is stepping on your toes if she just does things with a bit of prompting it could be fine. And if she doesn't like helping out she may not be so keen to stay so long another time.

You should go away for a night and leave her in charge

I'd work out what your ideal Christmas would look like and work from there. I had something not a million miles away with my MIL. We live overseas and she expected us to travel to her. We did one year. Spent 2 days driving back with a 2 year old. Got there, barely any food in the house. We had to do a food shop, cook Christmas dinner because MIL can't cook. She spent Christmas day drinking then spent the evening crying about her ExH (been divorced for 15 years). My son didn't sleep at all in her home. MIL didn't help at all, just went about doing whatever she wanted as usual. It was the worst Christmas.
We haven't done it since. She hasn't been to visit us despite her being welcome to.
Last year we had the best Christmas. The first one where we weren't trying to please other people at the expense of our own happiness. I potentially only get 18 Christmasses with my son until he leaves home and I'm not going to compromise at Christmas.

You can choose to not host. Let your husband enjoy hosting her. Be fully present with your kids and let him get on with it. Don't give it a moments thought.

You don't "host" her. She can come and stay but that it's no impact on you.

Yes you need to have other plans. Although I shouldn’t speak as mine would also come that long, she wouldn’t come unless it was for a long visit.
She also did nothing for the entire visit. I didn’t mind. What I minded was the comments on everything and DH always going on about how helpful she was, even though she barely stood up.

Oh it’s like a lot of boys with their Mummies.

They love to be babied by them.

I made it clear to my DH decades ago that his Mum would always be welcome in SMALL amounts.

You don’t explain, you tell. You’ve done it every other year exactly how they wanted it and it’s your and your kids Xmas too. If he likes he can sleepover at his mums and wait on her at home while you enjoy your kids and Christmas in peace.

Why can't she go home the same day or the next day?

If she's there for five days, every time your older dc wants something - help with her shoes or a story reading, or a trip to the park, say loudly and cheerfully "Oh, nana would love to do that" and send them in her direction.

If you are busy with one, your favourite phrase all week should be 'take your coat/book/teddy to nana."

She'll soon get the message and either muck in or only come for Christmas Day next year 😀