I did the right thing, didn’t I?

You did the right thing. I'm glad you did it, Better the mother is embarrassed for a short while than if the child was suffering abuse. The adult can stick it.

I did not report a mother I knew in the neighbourhood and it's a lasting regret for me.
I believed her when she said that her DDs issues were all due to SEN. Eventually her neighbours reported her. They had audio recordings and it turned out she was locking this young child in a cupboard in the dark and screaming and shouting abuse at her. I would never have thought it. Child was always clean, well fed, had appropriate toys and outings etc but her behaviour around her mum was very odd seeming to prefer the company of strangers and seek affection from people she barely knew. Mother said it was undiagnosed SEN but it turned out to be attachment disorder the consequence of emotional abuse.
I wish I'd had more curiosity and had reported.

Years later I reported my neighbour for DV to his wife in lockdown. I could hear it through the walls. She denied it and sent the police away and they are still together but I know what I can hear. I am sure they must know it was me but it's never been mentioned. I have zero regrets. I will always report abuse if I suspect it. Everybody's business.

Better to report and be proved wrong than to ignore and be proved right.

You have totally done the right thing OP - safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility, and yours more than most because of your job!

What I am questioning is why you doubt yourself: just because this mum says it’s nothing that doesn’t mean it’s true! So many children are abused and neglected, if this child is SEN additional support is only a good thing

I’ve had to report abusive neighbours to SS myself (screaming, crying, ‘don’t hit me mummy’ etc for 3 kids over 10 years: none were removed and I hope my actions helped even if family were angry/suspected me)

You did the right thing with the right intention: neighbours of eg Sara Sharif cannot say the same

Well done you OP for doing the right thing.
Your OH should be pleased and proud of you for acting in a responsible and caring way. Not criticising you.

Put it this way, did she purely come round so she could explain that there are unusual circumstances, or with an attitude of a 'whitch hunt' to find the culprit who shopped her?
Sounds like the latter mostly. If however there were no concerns, a person would come round, explain fully, apologise for the noise and distress and maybe with an attitude of it being difficult for them so maybe SS can help. They would understand that they have been that loud that neighbours could hear, and probably would of explained to local neighbours preemptively so that they understand the situation. Also, if SS got involved and there are no concerns and they were confident in doing their best to cope, they would not fear their involvement.
You did what you should of, on 2 counts. Under the circumstances it was fair to lie about it not being you too, as the mother being more concerned about tackling who she though it was, is a bad sign.

Still not getting it.

How would you like to be addressed? 😳

as a teacher you probably have more safeguarding training than many posters on here, so you must know that you did the right thing, as your DSL has confirmed.

Of course you did the right thing. Even if the child does have SEN you've only got the mother's word for it that is what was going on. You only need to read the sadly numerous stories of child abuse where a social worker has been given some bullshit sotory to explain a child's behaviour injuries.

The fact she came round is a huge red flag. Sounds like she's laying the ground work to prevent you reporting again. As a previous poster said people with SEN are often more likely to be abused as there will always be people who come up with a 'reasonable' story for what happened and the abused person isn't able to defend themselves.

Also you've only got her word for what happened. Social services may have identified concerns and the case is still open. If you are concerned you should always report.

Your DH needs to read up on some of the cases mentioned.

DSL here. You did the right thing.

Children with SEND are actually more likely to be abused because of their higher level of vulnerability and the fact that they may not have the speech and language skills to make verbal disclosures, or (depending on the nature of their SEN) the capacity to understand that whats happening to them is wrong. This should have been covered in your mandatory CP training at school.

Even if this particular child is not being mistreated in any way, it may be that the parent is struggling and could be signposted to support. I have worked with a couple of families recently who have been on the receiving end of anonymous referrals from neighbours and although they were upset initially, it has led to some positive conversations about difficulties they are facing and what needs to change. Those families are now receiving support (on a purely voluntary basis) that they didn't have before. It's not a magic wand, but its something.

I have ND children myself and one does a fair bit of screaming when dysregulated. If CS or the Police turned up at my door I would invite them in and explain the situation. It would be mildly inconvenient but I wouldn't blame the person who called them. Better that an innocent parent is inconvenienced than risk abuse going undetected.

Your DH sounds like a bit of a twat.

Of course you did right.

I’m a bit surprised she was bolshy enough to confront you, she ought to have been aware it was a possibility that someone would call at some point.

Your DH's reaction is weird. The fact she came round to find out who it was also rings alarm bells.

You absolutely did the right thing.

To the PP, while it can never be pleasant getting a visit when you've not done anything, the alternative, not going get a visit when something is happening, has much worse consequences for the child. It also might be an opportunity to seek support if you haven't already. If things in the house are that bad that someone feels the need to call social services, you may benefit from being on their radar anyway, not because you're doing anything wrong but because they might be able to offer support or at least be aware of the situation for the future. And I don't think a neighbour should be responsible for investigating what's actually going on - reporting concerns is absolutely what should be done, even if does mean you might have an upsetting visit.

This 1000%

@JustWondering2024 I mean by the way you addressed my post.

What does this even mean?

Do you honestly think the neighbour would've admitted to the OP that she was abusing her child, if she actually was??

No, knocking on the door of any child who you believe may be being abused, could make matters 1000 times worse.

And I'm sorry but as a teacher yourself, you should know that.

@JustWondering2024 Thanks for your sensitivity.

When I reported a neighbour for leaving a ds about 7 when they went to the pub my dh went batshit.. Told me they were a crazed family and he hoped they didn't find out it was me. No thought for the poor lad screaming out through the locked door letterbox that they had gone out and left him.
In time I left him.

ONE THOUSAND % YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.

(had to do it in caps because you was sooo right)

Ridiculous that she knocked at your door and confronted you.

Also your dh is a nasty specimen I hope he has some redeeming features.

And as for your OH ....... he just wants an easy life. But a child in distress does not have that privilege unless someone steps in to help.

Is your DH thick, or just nasty?

Of course you did. Serious problems very often only come to light because of a succession of small reported incidents that add up to a real concern. Well done.

Is the child a pupil at your school? I'm just wondering if the parent of this child only chose YOU to ask about the report, maybe s/he asked every single house on the road though.

And of course you were right. All it takes for evil to flourish is for good people to do nothing,

Could you have knocked on the door yourself?

And what good would that do if it turns out she was abusing her child?

She's hardly going to admit it to the woman who lives across the road 🤦‍♀️