Were you happier in your child free life?

Exactly. If you don’t know both sides of it, you can only make things up.

Oh that's awful! I cannot get my head around people who feel free to say these things to other women.

I have far more respect for someone who's given things plenty of thought and made a serious decision not to have children than one who's managed to accidentally have six, and doesn't know what to do with them!!😃

Oh, give over. You might like to believe that, I'm sure it's a soothing narrative for those who feel they lack the joy experienced by other parents.

Happier with my son. I’ve always enjoyed life, but I look back now and wonder what I always used to do? I can’t believe I used to think I was so tired 😂 I was busy but life feels so different now, I really love spending time with my son, I love seeing things through his eyes. Brought back happy memories of my childhood too.

I had always planned to be child free, I do sometimes wonder what I’d be up to had we decided not to have a child. So many of my friends have children now, I wonder if I’d feel a bit isolated? But I’m definitely happier now!

Not to mention the suggestion that childfree/ childless people are immature and our lives lack purpose. Sometimes it's less direct criticism but more condescension.
There is a lot of criticism though of 'childless cat ladies', especially coming from the US but spreading loudly online at the moment.

I agree with this and it's the main reason I regret having children. Although if I'd not had children I'd never have known and probably would have been miserable for other reasons.

To answer the op, I was probably happier before having kids but I was happier with kids than I am now that they're older. I'm free to do what I like within the constraints of chronic fatigue, mental health problems, needy dogs and elderly mother, but it's not much fun all you do is lie around watching YouTube and reading MN.

Yes. Motherhood is not something I'd choose again tbh.

I don’t miss any of my life before children really and I consider my life to have been a pretty amazing twenty something life consisting of a good job, living in london blah blah blah but now i have kids i just love and enjoy my life so much more

I think that's a bit judgey. I absolutely had a great time before children. I've travelled to many different countries, completed a PhD, developed a fulfilling career, and was very happy. I've now got DD and I'm still very happy. Life is less international for a while, but it has expanded in other ways. It's fun to teach someone about the world, for example. I'm happy now and I was happy before, just living differently.

Yes, I think I was. But it’s a season, and those days will return in some form. There is also no telling what this portion of my life would have looked like had I not been able to have children (since I actively wanted them) – I think the lazy days at pubs may have worn thin if going through a decade of wanting to have children but not being able to, and then the subsequent years of knowing it’s too late regardless. So swings and roundabouts.

I'm glad I had both a pre children time and now being a parent time. The pre children time certainly ran it's course. Going out in town at weekends and party holidays with friends was fun it the appeal of it was certainly starting to wane. I love being a mum now and couldn't think of anything worse than still living the pre children time at my age.

No I’m definitely happier having had children. It was tough when they were young but now that’s all behind me I can enjoy have two adults in my life who I love more than anything else in the world. Life started getting easier once they went to senior school as I wasn’t a slave to school gates.

Same, totally agree. I’ve come to the conclusion that some who have children didn’t have an amazing life beforehand, so for them there is less to miss.

Life was easier sure, but I'm as happy now as I was before. The focus of life shifts from the fun of finding a new restaurant to your kid excitedly showing you their certificate from school or telling you about a new friend.

I will say there was a bit when DD was born and I had PND that I was much less happy, but thankfully that has passed.

Edit as pressed post too soon.

Genuinely so much happier now! Absolutely love having family cuddles in bed on Sunday morning. We had an amazing Halloween party yesterday where we all dressed and did apple bobbling, piñatas, films, scary looking Halloween food. We’re prepping for a family Hol now. It just brings me so much joy having my ‘little’ friends experience the magic of childhood. Little things like picking out a kiddie magazine and toy at the shop makes it the best day ever for them. Maybe I’m just built very mumsy- dunno! But I’m really enjoying this season. When they’re grown there will be soooo many more years of lie-ins and lazy days (far more than the child-rearing ones) so don’t feel like I need to worry about that. Soon that’ll be the rest of my life.

EDIT: to add that we do regular date days, I work out every day, and in general we do prioritise romance and self care (which may help balance things).

Don't know about happier. I remember being quite unhappy at times before kids and DH came along. I managed my anxiety better. Now I'm fraught with anxiety about everything, money, health, schools, life...things felt easier to overcome when I just had myself to worry about.

I’m happier with kids. We decided it was time when we started taking stuff for granted. For example, we went out to dinner every night because we couldn’t be bothered to cook, it wasn’t something to looked forward too, we had loads of holidays and trips away so again we stopped looking forward to it.

Now we have DD and one on the way. We enjoy every bit of alone time so much more than before, we don’t take it for granted. But still have all the love, laughter and joy that having kids brings. Life is so much harder, but in a really good way, it was a bit boring before and we appreciate our lives so much more now.

Definitely happier after!

No. But mine are not babies/toddlers who need EVERYTHING from me anymore. I get to lounge or chat or have a joke with them. It’s all much more chill as they get older. If you feel more unhappy now and have little ones, take heart. It does get easier, I promise.

God No! I experience so much more joy, wonder, pride, happiness. I experience worry for them, sometimes it can be hard, and when they were small it was relentless, but I feel I went through a metamorphosis and I would never go back to who I was before.

My children are grown up now. I love them beyond anything I could describe.

But as a parent you are only ever as happy as your unhappiest child, and one of mine has been and is still very unhappy. It's absolute torture, and much worse than dealing with life's problems yourself.

I would never, never say this to my childless friends (who say they are childless through choice) but I do sometimes think that's something you avoid if you don't have children. The unspeakable pain and misery of your children's suffering, and the worry about the future for them.

Sorry if this sounds miserable - but to me this is more important than just losing your freedom and to some extent your identity when you become a parent. That's a temporary inconvenience which is over before you know it!

I've chosen not to have children and have been criticised more times than I can count because of this. If I had a pound for every time I've heard "you'll change your mind / who will look after you when you're old / you don't know what real love is / it's what women are meant to do" etc etc id be a very rich woman!

No
life seems purposeless than

Much happier with kids