Were you happier in your child free life?

I wasn't unhappy before children so I wouldn't say I'm happier after having them. But life was definitely much more stable and predictable before children. That all went out the window when the children arrived. The ups and downs are extreme and there is no peace from it really. No stillness. Tis a rollercoaster. I wouldn't not want my children, but it would have been great to still have those feelings of stability and predictability like before. 😭

God yes! I miss so much going where I want, seeing who I wanted, eating what I want, spending all my money on myself - on holidays, clothes, socialising, books, nights out, fancy restaurants, gigs, live music! Plus sleeping in, watching what I want on tv, minimal housework but a spotless and orderly home! 😩

I am more tired, but definitely more happy.

I have a great partner though, who is a very hands on parent and we don't struggle financially and are healthy! So I think we are very lucky. But it is definitely not easy (especially sleep deprivation).

I am the same as you, I enjoyed my exciting career, freedom, holidays, house renovations, and have found/do find parenting very stifling, repetitive and boring. We only have one and that is just about manageable. I love my DD dearly, but would I have kids if I could make the decision again? No, probably not.

I can only speak for myself, just as you can only speak for yourself. Maybe joy is more identifiable via juxtaposition, for example someone who works in a shop doesn’t really have a career to leave behind, meaning they feel like they have traded up by becoming a parent . Someone more successful may feel very differently. That’s before we discuss the shitty bottoms, circular conversations and afternoons spent in vile soft plays - listening to the feral cry of the under 7s. Oh the joy!

I wasn't happier then. I was happy then, and I'm happy now. There are pros and cons to both sides really. I do think eventually I personally would have become bored and unfulfilled on a philosophical level with a child free life, but equally I could have been overall happy on a day to day level.

Before I had kids, I did have a lot of spare alone time that I didn't feel I was using productively and I had periods of being bored. Whereas now it's the other extreme where I don't have any free time to loaf about doing nothing (as I prioritise using my free time to see friends, do self care etc). I can't say that either extreme is ideal, but also neither makes me unhappy per se.

Before I had kids I was probably 50:50 happy:bored. These days I'm probably 50:50 happy:exhausted/stressed!

It's a funny one. I was thinking about this the other day. So I don't think I was happier but I was a lot more relaxed and less stressed. My dc are teenagers now so whilst I'm not constantly seeing to their needs I am always worried about them - I worry about their school work, when they are out with friends, their mental health, I have anxiety so it might just be me but I can't see it ever getting any easier.

I didn’t have my kids until later in life, 30’s& 40’s.

I wasn’t ready until then. I was busy building my career, travelling, renovating our house, having enormous fun with my dh.

Loved those days, was very happy.

Then I was ready. So I thought.

What I didn’t expect was how all consuming parenthood would be. Day & night.
I struggled hugely. Not really sure how I survived it. It was miserable for the most part.

Im lucky though. DH is a very very hands on parent, far better than I am. That meant I could have time to “recover” each day.

As a very introvert, quiet and need peace, it didn’t particularly make me “happy”.

No. I was happy then and I'm happy now. I have more worries now, maybe, but overall I'm happy with kids and I was happy without them.

Comparison is the thief of joy though - and I think that often includes comparing your own life at different stages. I could have spent my single childless years desperately wanting to be at a stage of life where children were an option. I could spend my time now missing lie-ins, or whatever. But there's good bits and bad bits at any stage of life.

not really although I was much unhappier and way more stressed for the first few years due to PND. Now much happier vs before. it's not easy though.

Ask me 10 years ago and I'd say I was happier before. Except, I was a bit bored and far too focused on work.

I found small children very hard, but I was also working full time so I constantly felt stretched thin.

I have made some great friends through the kids and have had some of the best times with them. So in that way, kids have enriched my life. I feel more rooted in the local community, which as an incomer, I didn't feel before. And that matters to me.

Currently I'm working, as per at the weekend, and the kids are in their rooms. Dh is pottering about. Iife is full but manageable and i have as much freedom as i want, because the kids are older. We are content. Although financially, we'd be much better off without kids!

I wouldn't have been happier if id chosen not to have kids, because I'd have always wondered:"what if...?"

We are human beings. Happiness is not our natural state.

I don't think you can compare as bringing up kids is a journey of a couple of decades. I have been a parent for 21 years. If I hadn't had children I have no idea how my life would look and how happy I'd be.

I was fairly happy before kids and I'm fairly happy now but there gave been some hideous times in between but not necessarily relating to motherhood.

Not happier but different and, of course, I was much younger then (my only child is 45 this week, just been speaking on phone). I enjoyed the childhood and the teenage years but of course it was nice to have a child-free day sometimes. As your children grow, you will have more. These are different phases of life and each has its benefits. For me now it is being retired :-). Though I really loved going to work, enjoyed running a house and being a parent, I do appreciate not having the stresses and angst, feeling cosy and secure. I hope you are having a good time and will have many more.

Depends what day you catch me on. Today I have tonsillitis with a very energetic 3 year old and a 5 week old baby so I’d happily take a one way plane ticket to Australia at this moment in time.

in all seriousness I look at the longer term benefits of having children and getting through the hard bit while they’re young. It’ll ger easier.

Yes and no. I was happier in lots of ways when I was only responsible for meeting my own needs - I was a million times healthier, and more energetic. I felt good about myself. That’s now a fond and distant memory. However, my children are generally an absolute source of joy. Their humour and developing perspectives, and just who they are is a massive blessing in my life, so I wouldn’t do my life differently if I could go back. Having children has cost me a lot in terms of mental and physical health, and of course financially.

The thing is, everyone’s circumstances are different - lots of people say it gets easier as they get older, but it’s been the opposite for our family. Some people have masses of support, and others have none. I think access to community hugely impacts experiences of parenting, as well as the nature and character and neurobiology of the children you have, none of which can be expected or planned for. Some people face redundancy, homelessness or abuse, and others don’t.

Personally, I’m a better person since having my children. Being their parent has developed my character in ways I don’t believe would have happened otherwise.

I definitely wasn't happier than I am now but when I had dd1, even though she was an angel child, I struggled with PND & felt very alone. But now both dds are grown up I feel absolutely blessed to have them but they've always been really easy kids. They probably make up for my shit childhood lol. Plus I don't know what else I'd do with my life or what my purpose would be if I didn't have kids

No. I had all my kids in my 20s though and I can't really remember life before kids. I remember having more freedom but I think I'm happier and more secure now.

I'm chid free again now they're all grown up and I can say with honesty I greatly prefer my life now. I have more money, more freedom and I'm healthier physically and mentally than I was when I was working so hard combining raising the DC with my job and other commitments. That said, I don't regret those years, it was the price I paid to have these amazing people in my life, and there were times of great joy that I wouldn't have missed for the world. I'm lucky as an involved grandma I now get to do the best bits again without the work, and to me that's the perfect life. Before I had DC? No, I wasn't happier then. I didn't have the resources to enjoy the freedom other people speak about.

No my children saved me. I guess I was happyish before but in my late teens/early 20s I seriously struggled. I recovered and had twins pretty early but I could not cope at all for the first few months. I think I was prepared for one, not for two! But after I got help, I have never been happier. I had 3 more and they all fill me with so much joy. I truly think I wouldn't have been happy without them.

I've often heard it said that having kids gives you the highest highs but also the lowest lows. There's a lot to be said for a life that steers a steady course between the two. I was originally childless not by choice but now at 63 I am very content with my life.

I was happy before kids.. but I’m happier now, more content, more confident. I really enjoy being a mum, my kids are wonderful, cheeky, funny little humans😄

I do worry more than before. I was quite care free pre kids. I’m more conscious of the world and what’s happening in it because of my children.

I wasn't happier then . I was more Carefree. But I'm not sure what I did always made me happy.

I'm more content now. Although often find life frustrating with 3 dc , dh and dpets.

Reminds me of a quote from 40 Days and 40 Nights.

"It's an island, babe. If you didn't bring it here, you won't find it here."

I think the same is true for most things. If your life is empty before something, it will be empty after. Fix yourself first, because hoping something else will fix it probably won't work.