Were you happier in your child free life?

I've never once wished I could go back to my pre-children life. Although it was fun at the time, I would have been fed up with it after a while. I liked exploring the world with the children, and sharing experiences with them. It's definitely true that the days were much more up and down with them to look after, and at times it could be hard to fit everything in, but I wouldn't have changed it.

Happy before and happy now!

I love being a mother even if it can be a slog. I now really value time to myself in a way I never did pre DS. So if I do get it I really savour it.

My happy child free time was in my 20s and I don't think I'd be that happy at this stage of life without children. I think some people can have very happy lives without children but I have always wanted them. We had a few fertility issues (nothing to what some people go through) and that made me very unhappy for a bit. So now just very grateful!

No but having children changed me and growing up was one of those to bugs. I’m sure I would have grown up without kids but it wouldn’t have been much a quick change and maybe it would have been a different kind of growing up. Having complete responsibility over another life who is helpless is obviously going to change people.

I agree with this. It might not be true for everyone, but I was super immature because I had kids. And I didn't have kids until my 30s so imo I had plenty of time to "grow up" but I didn't really.

I also feel like pregnancy/postpartum hormones changed my personality slightly. I'm a lot more empathetic towards other people than I was pre kids.

I'm so much happier with my DD than before I had kids. And I thought I was alright then! I had education, partner, good career.

But kids give my life so much purpose and meaning everyday, I love it :)

I honestly never have grown up really!

What do you think would have happened if you didn’t have children? Would you have grown up??

How can you know though? You were getting older and didn’t experience that without children.

I think a thread being started saying they are more miserable as a mother isn't exactly great either!

I think so my daughter loves it over their

What about the kids - do they get the best of both worlds?

The key is to have kids then break up with your partner and aslong as their not shitty you get the best of both worlds.

If it's that person's experience, you can't just tell them it isn't, or not to say it because you don't like what you assume it says about other people.

I don't think that implies that ALL people need DC to properly grow up at all. You're adding that inference.

I'd say that's true for me tbh. I didn't grow up properly till I had DC, and I'm sure plenty of my peers would say the same. Having said that, I know plenty of people (mostly men) who haven't grow up properly even though they have DC, and plenty of other people who didn't need DC to be properly responsible and grown up.

There’s a difference though between saying you don’t grow up until you have kids (implying that no one grows up until they have kids) and saying you personally didn’t grow up until you had kids. That’s can absolutely be someone’s experience and that’s perfectly valid. You can’t say someone hasn’t experienced something.

I’m 72 -have DCs and DGCs -do not envy friends without children.

Before my life lacked purpose and I was drinking far too much. I suspect I may have ended up drifting into alcoholism if I hadn't had DC.

I was making a conscious effort to change, though, I had made plans to move cities for a fresh start when I discovered I was pregnant. So maybe things would have improved either way

The huge change in lifestyle that can with having DC definitely did improve things though.

I was happy before I had my children, and I’m
happy now. I find happiness in different places, and in ways I’d not considered before I had them. However I imagine that to be true whether you have children or not. I don’t know anyone who would say that the exact things that made them happy at 25 do at 35.

However I don’t think it’s as simple as just happier before or after. I desperately wanted my children. There was never a doubt in my mind that I wanted to be a mam. I was very lucky that I was able to have them easily. Had I not been so lucky, I know without doubt I would have found happiness. However I’m pretty confident that FOR ME there would have always been an underlying feeling that MY life would have been happier if I’d been able to.

I don’t know adult life without children. I was pregnant at 16 & had my eldest just after I turned 17 with next to no help regards to any family/friends to babysit on occasions. Even up until now me & DP have probably had 4/5 evenings out in the last 5 years & that was just a few hours, I can’t tell you the last time we had a child free night or day.

I can’t say whether I would have been happier or not as I am happy now & this is all I know & I love my children & would move the earth & more for them. My youngest is 3 & what I do look forward to is finding who I am, I’m 31 now & no idea what I like or who I am outside of parenthood. I only ever feel like mum, I look forward to me & DP being us again, not just mum & dad, us as the couple not us as the parents if that makes sense.

I've spent some time thinking about this recently as we've been going through a hellish toddler phase. And no. I wasn't happier. I was freer, but that freedom had no value because I knew no different. We went away for a child free holiday earlier this year for two weeks. At first it was amazing. Two days before we went home we were more than ready to resume parent life. I remind myself often that once they're grown we can go for all the meals we like, have all the lie ins we like and go away as often as we like. For now, we'll enjoy this life we're living.

I have a DS but agree that saying you didn’t grow up until you had children does imply you don’t grow up until you have them. It is offensive and untrue. It all reinforces the idea that the right or better path is the one with children

I think you need to stop taking this thread or any of the opinions personally. My experience does not overwrite your, nor yours mine. I gave soft play as an example as I absolutely loathe it, but there are loads of other similarly everyday child-focussed activities I could have listed. I find them all similarly brain numbing, that doesn’t mean you must agree. There are rewarding elements of parenting, like showing them the world, but there’s also acres of drudgery.

I am much happier since becoming a parent to my surprise. Up until my 30s I never wanted any.

There were things I liked about life before but I felt very empty a lot of the time. Like "is this it?" sort of thing. On paper I was happy with the different parts of my life and I did spend time doing things I enjoyed but I was constantly searching for why I didn't feel fulfilled.

Since becoming a parent I have this real sense of inner peace and contentment. Things are harder now but I feel a much deeper kind of happiness.

That's not to say all people without children would feel that way or should have children. Lots of people are childfree without any sort of empty feelings obviously. It's just how things were for me.

I wasn't happier before DCs came along. I mean I was happy enough playing the dating game, working, going shopping and spending whatever I wanted to, whenever I wanted to. Going to the beach for the entire day with friends, bicycling around on my days off, meeting the man who would become my DH which was fun but I always knew I wanted kids, and I have never looked back. I'm still enjoying my kids, they're funny, helpful, loving, intelligent and kind.