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AIBU?

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Speaking to someone new but he’s turned mean

141 replies

Teanadbisucits · 20/10/2024 09:07

I met a guy on a night out a few months ago, we got on really well instant connection - exchanged details - spoke for the first few hours but I didn’t hear anything back from him for nearly 2 months.

When he messaged me back finally the conversation just instantly hit of. He’s 26 works full time and has his own apartment. So we have spoke this week getting to know each other. On Tuesday he was drinking with his sister, he ended up calling my phone multiple times and multiple messages but I was asleep. The whole next day I didn’t really hear from him he said he was working and really hungover so he just didn’t have time I thought fair enough. He then asked me if I wanted to come round this his or the other way round. We made plans for Friday for me to go round to his after we both finished work.

well Thursday came and he was back
in the pub, he was asking all his friends about me ( we know mutual people we live in a small time) he basically just started messaging me telling me that my ex boyfriend from 2019 is a “ muppet” and that his friend has had run ins with him in the past. Sending messages and deleting it, I told him that I couldn’t be bothered with Friday because I think this is moving a bit quickly and we should take more time getting to know each other.

so yesterday he messaged me saying he doesn’t just want sex with me he wants to show me that he’s serious so a date. I didn’t reply for an hour because I was busy - he had sent me 3 more messages after this telling me that he isn’t going to bother wasting his time on me anymore, that I am a player a head fuck that all girls in my town are the same. He then started posting Snapchat stories saying my town is just full of snakes. I just ignored him because I couldn’t be bothered arguing with someone I hardly know.

later that night I was having a drink for my mates birthday which I made him aware of prior. He was sending me 1-2 minute long voice notes one after another I asked him if he could just type as I was with people, he said I’m obviously not surrounding my self with the right people if I can’t voice not him or call him. I said I can text because I’m busy for now he then proceeded to ask me if I’m stupid if I expect him to just text me. Told me he didn’t care about my mates and that he was “shag me and my mate” & then proceed to laugh it of as a joke.

( Saturday morning he messaged me telling me he needs to get alcohol because he was pissed off) he mentioned going to the shop right next to my house, he lives about 20 minutes away. He tells me that he never really bothers with girls he just has sex with them because they’re all the same. He said he’ll have sex with an ugly girl now and again to make him feel better - I told him to never talk to me again but I am just so confused as to why he’s suddenly changed

OP posts:
TartfulRidesAgain2 · 20/10/2024 09:32

Don't waste too much time trying to analyse and understand it. Maybe it wasn't so sudden? Maybe this is who he really is and the nice guy you were seeing in the beginning was just an act? Far better he's revealed his real self sooner rather than later because if you'd invested months in a relationship with him then found out he had such appalling views of women you'd feel even worse. Just block him and move on. It doesn't matter why he suddenly changed. What matters is that you know your worth and bin him.

Bumcake · 20/10/2024 09:32

Who cares what his problem is. Block and forget he exists.

thebigL · 20/10/2024 09:32

Bin. Why would you even need to ask the question why? Do not give it any more space in your mind.

Bestfootforward11 · 20/10/2024 09:31

Ugh he sounds awful, just so toxic. No need to work out why, just know it’s nothing to do with you. Please don’t get drawn in, you deserve much better.

MoveOnTheCards · 20/10/2024 09:30

What a nobber.

why haven’t you blocked him already? You need to raise your bar.

DoAWheelie · 20/10/2024 09:29

He sounds like one of Andrew tates "tater tots" who run around crying about how women won't let themselves be abused these days.

Block him as it won't ever get any better.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 20/10/2024 09:29

Just block him, unless you want a lot of drama and chaos in your life.

GRex · 20/10/2024 09:29

Around the Thursday messages or after the first message on Saturday is when you needed to send a polite "I'm not interested in a relationship with you any more, so please stop contacting me."
I would also silence the messages or block for sanity at that point.

This is who he is, this is who he has always been, you just didn't know that before. You know now, so stop engaging and stip giving him head- space.

Jessie1259 · 20/10/2024 09:28

You didn't hear for him for 2 months - how has he changed? He was never a catch but he thought he could chat you into bed. You didn't behave how he wanted you to so now he's chatting shit about you.

He didn't suddenly change, he was always a dick.

offyoujollywelltrot · 20/10/2024 09:28

Oh dear. He's used his personality as birth control.

pictoosh · 20/10/2024 09:28

I voted YABU but only because you are giving this utter twat any thought.

Dismissed out of hand surely?

Brandnewskytohangyourstarsupon · 20/10/2024 09:27

There is no cure for being a fuckwit. He is a fuckwit.

Block.
The end.
Easy.
Next…!

Spinet · 20/10/2024 09:26

God I actually feel a bit sorry for him as he just has no idea how to be a normal human. There is nothing you could have done to make someone behave like this. It is literally nothing to do with you, sounds like something has played out in his weird mind in front of you rather than you being part of it.

It's disappointing and I'm sorry but maybe you could see it as a lucky escape (or a trip to a freak show to see 'Man Unable To Function Emotionally ').

S0CKPUPPET · 20/10/2024 09:25

PolaroidPrincess · 20/10/2024 09:13

He hasn't changed. This is who he really is and it didn't take him long to drop the niceties did it?

Block him and don't think twice about it.

This.

Lampan · 20/10/2024 09:25

I only needed to read the title of your thread. Why waste a second more if you time on him?

HazelPlayer · 20/10/2024 09:24

He sounds like he drinks too much as well.

toomuchfaff · 20/10/2024 09:24

YABU to even create a post

To type this all out and not have fkin run for the hills after having blocked him and anyone who colludes with him is insane.

Jesus's, I'd still block this one if he were the last man on earth. Absolute nutter.

HazelPlayer · 20/10/2024 09:24

that all girls in my town are the same. He then started posting Snapchat stories saying my town is just full of snakes

There is one common denominator in all that.

thedevilinablackdress · 20/10/2024 09:24

Why is he like that?
Who the fuck cares. He IS like that. Stop all contact and forget him.

NigelHarmansNewWife · 20/10/2024 09:22

Do not respond. Block him. Sounds like a total wanker with misogynistic views.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 20/10/2024 09:22

He’s not changed, he’s just dropped his mask. He was on his best behaviour when you first met because he wanted something. Now you’ve seen the real him just be grateful you’ve found out now. You’ve dodged a bullet.

newnamethanks · 20/10/2024 09:21

How old are you? He hasn't snt changed, that's who he is. Lose him, quickly, and stop responding or you'll find you've got a stalker.

misskatamari · 20/10/2024 09:20

He hasn’t changed. This is who he is. An immature misogynist arsehole who views women as objects. He very briefly presented as someone who wasn’t a complete piece of shit to try and draw you in, but thankfully covered himself in red flags pretty damn sharpish.

Run for the fucking hills. You’re not dating this man, you owe him nothing. He’s fucking appalling! Personally i would get myself some feminist content to consume (feminist TikTok is amazing, and I really rate the F the nice guy podcast), as I really wish stuff like this had been around when I was younger, to open my eyes to how fucking toxic many men are. Block this utter idiot and don’t give him a second more if your time. This is NOT about you. He doesn’t even see YOU. Be glad you found this out before you got any more entangled with him

shiverm · 20/10/2024 09:20

I'd actually be a bit scared by his behaviour. It's not just a red flag, it's a clear look at who he is! I was once dating a guy who when I told him I was hanging out with a visiting (male) friend for the day ended up sending a barrage of messages that very quickly took a dark turn (without a single response from me as I was not aware of the stream of messages). Thank goodness I closed that door very quickly. I subsequently heard from colleagues that he'd actually been physically abusive to his ex. Bye bye.

Inspireme2 · 20/10/2024 09:19

Wasting time with this Muppet.
Who is he or anyone to discuss your ex partners, so small minded.