To choose the high pressure job

I can understand the attraction of job A, especially if it feels like it is a way for you to escape your status quo. It sounds like you need an exit from your current situation, but job A isn’t it.

pre kids I loved working long hours and was very career driven. It was a big part of my identity, and an exciting part of my life. Post kids I have had to find different ways to feel freedom/ excitement/ opportunity, because the big jobs are just not compatible with family life. It is shit but there you go. You are lucky enough to have a choice, and I don’t think you will regret being able to be there for school pick ups/ drop offs, parents evenings etc. I would choose job B.

can you think of it in terms of 5 years at a time? This 5 years is about getting your kids established in school and building a community of friends and parents. In 5 years you might be better placed to get a different kind of job.

(what happens with your marraige is another question!)

B. You need to be (physically and mentally) present for your kids. Someone recently told me you need to make a job work for you, and B does that.

Definitley job B. I would never consider a job with a commute like that.

I was in this scenario 2 years ago. I took job A and worked my arse off, got a promotion and a massive pay rise about 14 months in.

I think you have to look at the opportunity.

Will it enable you to ditch useless DH?

I'm a lone parent by the way. You can make it work.

Work to live! Job B

Job B.

Job B for sure. I have a friend who had a high powered job & she has had to take a step back as she has child who has autism & when he started school it came with new challenges & she needed to support him. She was very close to making herself ill by trying to do both.
If your husband isn't much help now & it doesn't sound likely to change you will end up carrying more of the load.

You're "overweight and tired all the time".

And you need to ask ?

Is the dc starting school the one with autism? If so then a parent is likely to need to support them through the transition.

If you had a husband who wasn't useless I'd say job B. The useless husband means you would probably burn out.

What's the point if there's no extra money and with the longer commute you'll be worse off! I've taken some stressful career moves over the years but it's always been for more money as ultimately it would improve mine and the kids' quality of life.

(I say that having tried the job A scenario with DC with no additional needs and DH pulling his weight, was exhausting and didn’t succeed)

Job B especially if they are the same pay. I've burnt out recently from a high pressured job and have an autistic child.
Job A might seem exciting but don't underestimate how it will drain you and take over your life.

I agree with your friend: you’re being unrealistic about what’s feasible.

Job B 1000000%

It's very easy to imagine that job A wouldn't be too bad, you'd manage around it and the kids would be fine etc but the reality of it all would be very hard work and you'd more than regret not taking job B I would think.

Job B. I've done job A with a busy home life and burnt out after 2 years.

Give A a go and if husband doesn't pull his weight divorce him and move nearer to work.

Job B every time. Job A will finish you off and leave you a nervous wreck.

Job B for sure.

I had a similar scenario and chose A and burnt out very quickly and sadly had to leave to find something else. I'm building up in the background some experience and skills that will hopefully give me a good chance of getting back into my absolute dream role in the future, but for now a B type job is not the perfect job, but is perfect for family life. DH also compromised on his job, his previous one was a lot of time away and not good for the children; perhaps worth exploring though if yours could do anything to make A more feasible?

You don't say what job A would bring beyond it being somewhere you've always wanted to work, does it pave the way to more career progression? I'm just struggling to see the benefits to job A.

Job A - strap line "life's too short"
however perfect you think it is, it won't be the only job you'll ever find for the rest of your career. The commute, the cost of that job and the pressure are a toxic mix

"Plenty of opportunities" sounds like a promise they've given but you can only pursue one opportunity at a time. There are no guarantees in life.

Look up fair play cards and have discussion with husband about what loads you are both carrying and realistically how they could be divided - and see if you can fit in Job A. If you can’t then Job B may be a better fit right now but either way sounds like a realignment of family tasks and a commitment from him in relation to this would be beneficial.

Job A is way less money due to commuting costs though. Be honest you want to do this for yourself which is admirable but also to give your useless husband a kick up the arse? (Don't blame you)

Put your family first so B. The kids won't be so reliant on you when they're older so you can focus on a more challenging career then.
If your husband wasn't so useless I'd say A. But breakfast clubs and maybe after school care too when there's a decent alternative - you - is something I'd personally avoid if at all possible.

Maybe I'm old.

Job b all the way, why would you even consider a more stressful job with massive commute and higher requirements for the same money.