To say it's miserable being a parent?

I feel the same

I think it is very normal to feel that way when you have a baby who doesn't sleep through. I found that parenting became enjoyable once I was getting sufficient sleep so fingers crossed that happens for you soon.

How can having an 18 year old be just as difficult as a 10kg weight that screams when you put them down and needs undivided attention all the time.

When they’re tiny, their needs are mostly very frequent but fairly straightforward.
When I was 18, I was in and out of a psych unit with depression telling my mum I didn’t want to live anymore. I’m sure my mum would have thought an 8 month old would be easier. Thankfully that’s not that common, but they can have all sorts of problems at 18. Adult problems. You have little to no control over what they do or where they go but you still feel responsible for them and worry about them and if they really need it they’re still quite dependent.

Different issues when they're teens, which can be just as draining.

It's so hard when you're not getting much sleep. It will get easier OP when the baby is sleeping better.

It will feel better once you get more sleep. My child was an early riser that never went away, but he became able to get breakfast and watch tv, and I didn't have to also be an early riser. It might be a while though. Sorry.

I've had some incredibly challenging times with my autistic child as he got older. Incredibly difficult. But the lack of sleep did improve and it's still blissful.

That's crazy, by the time my child was 2 and a half she was sleeping through the night and i'd stopped bf and could leave her with a babysitter on occasion to do my own thing. It was MILES easier than having an 8 month old.

How can having an 18 year old be just as difficult as a 10kg weight that screams when you put them down and needs undivided attention all the time.

Funnily enough I have sympathy with both of these viewpoints because they can both be true!

I was blessed with easier babies but fiesty teens! Nonetheless the early years are still challenging because of the lack of sleep and relentlessness of it all.

I have sympathy with the first quote because teens aren’t as independent as they used to be, it’s harder for them to move away when developmentally they probably should, and we are expected to be involved in their lives much more intensively than our parents were. It’s tough and it’s tiring when you have already been parenting for twenty years!

Also though, we did have a golden period between about 8 and 13 when the dc were fun, relatively easy, compliant and interested and enthusiastic about the world. It still took a lot of work. At one point I think I lived at their primary school more than I was at home! I’m not complaining though. Very much aware that for some parents of dc with SEN, or other disabilities, they never, ever, catch a break.

So it’s all a very mixed bag.

The under 5s are tough! It will get easier and be kind to yourself as you’re doing a great job.

I have 4 year old and 8 month old. He's also really clingy at the moment and sleep is rubbish. My 4 year old really sweet but at the stage she just wants me to play with her all the time and it sounds terrible I'm just exhausted and want to rest or get jobs done while baby is asleep and then feel like a terrible parent for not giving her the attention she deserves. Also felt like I hadn't spoken to my husband in months. Finally they both settled ok the other night and we got to eat takeaway and watch a movie and felt so much better just to get some time together just us. I really appreciate these things now. Or getting out of the house for a walk or run for 30 mins by myself (doesn't happen as much as I would like). I really appreciate those little things now.

I have been thinking I might have some signs of PPD which I've never had before, and saw it can hit anytime in the 1st year after birth. Thinking the worst things will happen, really irritable with kids, feeling down. I will have appointment with PHN soon and will mention this, but hard to know if it's that or just exhaustion.

Sleep deprivation is so hard! I know on my 2nd one they do eventually sleep so I'm trying to muddle along until I can get a solid even 5 hours would be great! I hope things ease soon for you 💗

I don't know why but I found with both my DC 8 months was just the hardest. Maybe it's the teething, lack of sleep, they need constant entertainment, they start crawling & you can't get any peace. What I will say is hang on in there, it will get easier or at least nothing stays the same forever. It is incredibly hard & please don't feel guilty for not loving every minute!

I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but it really doesn’t. These days, children don’t become independent at 18, when you used to get your life back. It’s hard being a parent full stop. Different age = different shit. But I guess (I think) that parenthood does also bring you joy, on occasions….

God I hate posters like this. I got my life "back" years ago, well before 18. I have hobbies, I sleep through the night, I sleep in on weekends. If my child didn't become independent until 18 I'd think I had done something very wrong.

I found it difficult adapting to each age ‘change’, but could see things clearer retrospectively. Like I dealt with things at the time how I thought they should be dealt with, then a few years afterwards realised how I should have dealt with it. And made the mistake of thinking one size fits all - mine had different personalities, and so needed sometimes to be parented differently. Parenting is such a learning curve. We just muddle along trying to do our best, but sometimes failing.

People enjoy different stages. My dm loved 0-4 but struggled with me as a teen (I really wasn’t naughty she just didn’t know how to let go but still be loving). I, however, love the teen years. They are less needy and I can be me around being a mum. Others hate the teen years.

I think around 6-10 can be pretty easy, depending on the child of course. Lots of things to do and they were quite easily pleased before the grumpiness set in.

They can be independent at 18 - mine was pretty independent at 19. He went to uni and didn't live at home again. But I enjoy their company as young adults, lots of interesting conversations and you do have your life back in that you can go out or away as you please.

I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but it really doesn’t. These days, children don’t become independent at 18, when you used to get your life back. It’s hard being a parent full stop. Different age = different shit. But I guess (I think) that parenthood does also bring you joy, on occasions….

I remember enjoying it but being extremely tired. I didn't sleep during the day at all, I just used the time he was asleep to do things I wanted to do, such as watch TV or read. I used to meet with people often - my mum or a friend - to make the day more interesting. If he didn't want to have a nap and I wanted him to I would walk around until he fell asleep. He was usually happy when his sibling came home from school and would be happy in his seat watching him play. He probably watched too much TV because the eldest was watching it, but I let that slide.

I didn't enjoy it for a long time, when my son started acting out a lot more when he started nursery and being violent with other kids I just didn't want to be a parent, feeling constantly judged and not good enough was horrendous and I wondered if being on the edge of a breakdown constantly was really worth it! He's older now and much better, my husband was working nights a lot which made him crabby and really didn't help.
Husband does sometimes say wouldn't it be nice to have a daughter too, I've said nope no way no thanks, I honestly don't want to do early years parenting ever again!

Sounds really tough op. It's a strange irony that DC are at their cutest when tiny but you are mostly too knackered to really appreciate it.

Is your partner helping you in the mornings enough op?

Can you go to bed two nights a week at the same time as your DC?

Can you call in a baby-sitter for one weekend or afternoon morning to allow you some time out?

Call in family and friends and ask for help. Even if it's a random aunt making you a home cooked meal once a week.

Similar here though kids are 5 and 2. Elder DS also showing significant signs of neurodivergence. This is putting a huge strain on us - feel like we’ve got all of the slog and none of the fun that comes with small kids. Huge solidarity, OP.

Babies and toddlers are hard. I didn't enjoy that stage to be honest.

Parenting my teen on the other hand is a dream and I love it now. The days of broken sleep, school runs, and soft play are no more. I just have to feed him, give him pocket money and listen when he wants a chat.

You'll get there 💐

My 2 yo does 2 afternoons a week, South East.

Someone always suggests one morning or afternoon a week in nursery. I’ve never seen a nursery that allowed less than two full days, split across four sessions if preferred. Maybe it’s regional?

Anyway, I struggle with the early mornings too, and the broken sleep. It is hard. The only thing that really made a difference for me was trying to take advantage of opportunities to catch up on sleep - few and far between for me, but I try to go to bed a bit earlier, and reframing it so that I expect to be up at 5:30 - stopping hoping for anything else and letting it become my “normal” has helped a lot.

It will get better. The days are long but the years are short. Not everyone loves them, either, so don’t worry about whether or not you’ll wish them back one day.

Sometimes it's just a case of head down and get through the heads It won't stay like this forever, or even for long, hopefully. Some phases are just really hard.