To be sick of DSD double standards

185 replies

Hater8412 · 20/10/2024 07:10

So backstory I have 2 DS (13 and 12) and DH has DSD (15) and DSS (12). We used to have DSD 50/50 but due to DH work schedule him and his ex agreed it wasn’t working for children so now we have EOW plus holidays etc.
we went on holiday in June with all children and we have not seen DSD since and when DH has tried talk to her it’s 1 word answers or just rudeness.
This week DH asked her about Xmas and coming over to be replied with ‘ I am not F’ ing coming’ but the actual word. DH was going to reply but was angry so I told him to calm down and be the day and text later when he had calmed. Yesterday he gets a link from DSD for an event she wants to go to- no apology or general chit chat first just a link so he books tickets for him and step children for a weekend we don’t have children and actually me and him had plans to this event a 5 hour drive away. I am livid that she has not been punished or bought up about her behaviour and doesn’t see him from 1 month to the next and then wants an expensive trip and it’s booked instantly. My boys adore DH and he doesn’t even come on meals out when we have them and not his children- they both choose to spent time with him and actively interact with him where as DSD is rude and then in my opinion gets a massive reward.
i am so angry I can not even talk or look at him right now and last night wanted to pack me and my boys and just leave- please tell me if I AIBU

OP posts:

Pat888 · 20/10/2024 07:26

She's 15 - 15 year olds are ungrateful, selfish etc.
I would say he is upset at the reduced contact but doesn't go on about it so has to clutch at straws.

Ionlytrymybest · 20/10/2024 07:26

He wants to spend time with her she is pulling away most likely due to the fact there 50/50 home was ripped from her because work commitments but you seem to have your children still in the house full time. That’s where the double standards are.

andfinallyhereweare · 20/10/2024 07:25

Not great but it’s his daughter what can you expect?

WillLiveLifeAgain · 20/10/2024 07:22

I empathise with you. She should have been brought up for this - he’s Disney parenting. It used to drive me mad that bad behaviour wasn’t addressed.

Gemstonebeach · 20/10/2024 07:21

Have you considered having the children on alternate weekends so they get 1 to 1 time with their parent?

Autumn38 · 20/10/2024 07:21

With the best will in the world. Your children are your children and his daughter is his daughter.

it might be that you need to trust him to deal with his daughter and get her through the tricky teenage years. She’s 15 and dealing with having two homes and two families.

Whaleandsnail6 · 20/10/2024 07:20

I actually feel really sorry for step daughter.

Your husband decided to reduce contact from 50/50 to every other weekend because of work? Thats a pretty rubbish amount to see a child and not really active parenting.

No wonder she doesn't communicate with him much

Completelyjo · 20/10/2024 07:18

I think your expectations for punishment are over the top for a 15 year old saying a bad word once.
It’s pretty shit to go from 50/50 to every other weekend and blame work. Your children are still your children regardless of work.
Parents with new families seem to make these sorts of decisions and expect it to have no repercussions but that’s not reality. She feels dumped and abandoned because she has been.

DustyLee123 · 20/10/2024 07:16

It’s his daughter and he can parent her however he wants, as he will want to maintain their relationship. If you don’t like to see it then maybe it would be better for your stress levels if you did split.

Mumdiva99 · 20/10/2024 07:15

Have some empathy. He no longer has his kids 50/50. He probably desperately wants to cling onto a relationship with his daughter. He's booked this to try to please her and spend time with her.

It might not be how I would want to react to my kids. But they are his and this is his choice.

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