To be sick of DSD double standards

It nowhere says he singlehandedly decided to do it, it was agreed by the ex and him together.

Long story short, 15 yr olds are often foul and determined to disconnect from their parents in an attempt to be independent. They are also solely concerned with their friends and their own affairs at that age. Out of sight, out of mind.
They do grow out of it.

Also, obviously your dh is going to love and prioritise his daughter however bloody awful she is being. He will want to keep the positive connections with her going however the opportunities present themselves. You might not agree with that but that's what he's doing. Paying for the event she wanted tickets for is dad's way of showing her forgiveness and love.

It's lovely that your boys adore him but he is going to choose his own dc every time. Of course he is.

15 year old girls can be extremely obnoxious and rude. I used to call dd out at the time and just tell her ‘that’s rude and hurtful’. She would usually apologise after. She grew out of it. Being your dsd adds an extra layer of difficulty. She is only 15 though with all the emotions building up but not yet able to understand or express them.

they both choose to spent time with him and actively interact with him where as DSD is rude and then in my opinion gets a massive reward.

She's his child. She shouldn't have to win his love and attention through her behaviour. He needs to reach out to her and he probably sees this event as being a good way of doing so.

She is a hurt teen. On what planet do parents choose work and living with other children over their own?

One way to fuck her up.

YABU. She's hurt that she's not a priority for her dad, so she's acting out in a pretty mild way.

She has a home - thanks to your DH's choices, it's not with you or her dad. Why shouldn't she want to spend Christmas in her own home with her main parent?

Your DH knows that he hasn't prioritised his DD and feels guilty - hence throwing money at the problem and booking the expensive event.

DSD is 15 and I'm guessing she isn't stupid. She knows that she can extract money/things/trips out from her dad because he'll pay to compensate for his parental failings. She may well view him buying her stuff as some sort of test that he still cares about her, or she might think that he's not around much so she may as well rinse him for what she can get. It's pretty pointless expecting finer feelings from teens.

It is quite a big rejection to go from 50/50 to every other weekend. I’m not surprised she is upset about that.

She’s clearly angry and upset about something and likely lacks the emotional maturity to express herself. She’s only 15 give her a break.

Is it a hill to die on? No.

Ah another lovely thing of blended families.

He cnba to see her more than eow and yet she’s the bad child. And how dare he not do things with your children he lives with more than his own child.

You popped onto that recent lender family thread yet?

It’s not ok that he booked this knowing you two had plans.

Why don't you kick your boys out of their home and see them EOW and see how your relationship holds up?

There are some double standards going on here, but they aren't from the 15yo who's feeling hurt about her dad drastically reducing hos time with her.

so you’re sooooo angry that he won’t parent in the way you instruct him to?

Other than polishing your own halo what’s in it for you to make their relationship more difficult? Like we don’t know.

At 15 teens want to be spending their weekends seeing friends and boyfriends, so being packed off to Dad, who has already reduced his contact, is probably irritating to her teenage self. Has your DH made much effort to find out why his DD hasn't wanted to come? How does she get on with your DSs? I can imagine being 15yo and having to stay with two teen boys (one almost teen) who she isn't related to is probably also a pain. Does she have a room to herself when she stays?

Hi OP, this sounds less than optimal for everyone. I'm not a step parent but I've worked with teenagers for decades they are unpredictable sometimes but in my experience if you reward bad behaviour you are teaching that it is acceptable.
I'm a little concerned for your children as well. They seem to also have little contact with your husband. Possibly your instinct is right and this isn't working for you or them.

Yeah i guess it usually makes poor behaviour worse if they are not consistently called up on it and are seen as rewarded.

But if I was in his situation I would do the same. I would be desperate to see my child and punishing by not doing the trip just means I wouldn't see her :(. So even though I agree it's poor I know I would do exactly the same 😅 it's easy for me over a screen to say how to implement boundaries when it's not my child. But if I'm losing a relationship with them then the desperation would definitely kick in. My DH would do the same too.

Did something happen on holiday?

Shes happy to spend time with him but not at Christmas when the whole family is there?

Is it possible that she had an issue with you and/or your DC, maybe that they spend more time with her dad than she does?

Can he offer to go for a meal or something with her 1:1 maybe once a week to rekindle their relationship away from everyone else?

Maybe she doesn’t want to be forced into the whole blended step family but would happily do something without her Dad. Or maybe she feels like she still has the right to ask her parents for things she wants like every other teenager, even if she doesn’t want to hang out with her Dada new girlfriend at Christmas.

You have nothing to be livid about and should probably try to open your mind and find some empathy.

You can't expect him to want to spend time with your kids when his own kid doesn't want to see him. He must be really hurting. I'd cut him some slack in the regard. If he wants to be a Disney dad to his daughter that's his choice if you want to leave him as he's ruining your family life go ahead. I'd be pissed off too.

Look at it from his point of view. She is his dd. He loves the very bones of her and the relationship is going through a tough patch. Something is clearly wrong and if I were him, I'd want to find out what.

He chose his work over his children, that may have upset her, perhaps she feels rejected. She's in the middle of teen angst, GCSEs coming up. It's a tough year. If I was him, I'd need to spend time with her too.

He could have done it with a bit more consideration for you though.

Exactly this.

‘doesn’t see him from 1 month to the next and then wants an expensive trip and it’s booked instantly’
The father dumps her for every other weekend from 50/50 which is a huge reduction and then the child gets moaned at for not seeing him enough when he’s made it clear he’s not interested in being a proper parent and she gets betrayed for being rude!

There are separate issues here. It’s shitty reducing time with your child, did he consider other work? I don’t blame him for bending over backwards, you say he hasn’t seen her for months, how much effort has he put in to try? I hope LOADS.
Then, him not bothering to ever come out to dinner with your dc - not ok, that kind of behaviour has to end once you blend a household. If you don’t live together it’s ok but once you do…

He sees her on his terms…
Maybe it’s a two way street.

So her father reduced his time with her by about 50%. You dismiss that.

She reduces her time with him and that's punishable?