To be sick of DSD double standards

Maybe the ex just gave in knowing you cannot force a man to parent so there was nothing to do but agree that it was best.

I mean if the mother fights against it it could end up being turned that neither parent wanted her.

So yeah it’s in the best interests to have one parent that actually wants her there and doesn’t dump her for work while
having step kids he lives with so sees pretty much every day apart from when at their dads and doesn’t bother to see her for months.

Also you want her punished as only sees him once a month. You need to try to keep contact however possible, before she cuts it.

Teens swear sometimes. She was obviously upset about something. He wants to keep her close and probably is really upset he is seeing less of her. And that she seems to be drifting away from him. He is doing the best he can and I think you should just take a step back from his and her relationship.

Must be so hard for your DSS who is exactly the same age as your boys and would also probably love to be doing stuff with his dad too, but he doesn’t even get to see his dad everyday or eat with him. Though your boys do.

exactly. It’s a no brainer. I wish people could understand more hard step families are for DC, especially in teens.

Her father has prioritized work over spending time with her. You can see why she's pissed off, can't you?

She is being a pain in the a* teen and your DH is doing whatever he can to see her and maintain a relationship. The alternative could be loss of contact. He needs to try for 1-1 time with her too. Being a SD is hard. Try to be patient, she will grow out of this phase. I’m talking from experience as a SD

Work commitments seem like something to be considered when deciding whether to get a pet rather than whether to parent DC. Poor girl.

He hasn't seen her for months and she wants to go to an event with him. Of course he'll jump at the idea! He just wants to see her OP. You can't compare it to his relationship with your kids.

She’s 15 years old, peak hormone time.
Her parents split up; she does care if there was infidelity, arguments or they just weren’t happy; she wants them together.

She has to spend time in a household filled with annoying younger boys, not even a cool older stepsister to bond with, and now her dad doesn’t have as much time for her.

Can you really not see how unhappy she might be and this is the only control she has.

Why respond with emotion when you clearly haven't read the post? It says:

"but due to DH work schedule him and his ex agreed it wasn’t working for children"

So quite clearly THEY (him and ex) have discussed it and made a decision on what is best for the children.

Perhaps this is not what the DD wants, but if THEY have decided it's what is best then that's what happens.

I know another couple who found that 50/50 wasn't working well and they decided for stability of the kids that EOW and 1 evening a week would be far more consistent with school, activities etc...

@Hater8412 Under no circumstances is it OK for the daughter to speak to her dad like that. I certainly wouldn't be booking any fun activities until a face to face conversation had happened to discuss the animosity towards him. As he has already booked, then I'd not be taking her unless she is willing to have a discussion about her attitude.

Anyone who describes a child behaving the way the ops sd has under the circumstances described as a brat, can be ignored due to not having the capacity to empathise. Not opinions worth any value.

I feel like I'm looking into DD's future. She'll be painted as a brat but in reality she's just a hurt kid that feels like she's never been a priority.

Glad your DH is doing what it takes to remain in his DD's life. Like PP said, I can be against "disney parenting" all I like but if I've not seen my kid for 4 months (unthinkable tbh) and she wants to go to an event, we're going.

This. He's too busy to see his own children more than 4 days a month, yet sees yours at least 15 days I would think?

She's angry. He's the parent. His job to build the relationship.

Indeed. How can an absent father effectively discipline his child? He's not really present in her life enough to have the right to.

@KimberleyClark the fathers attitude needs addressed, yes. Choosing to discard his child is disgraceful. Quite right that she returns that energy.

this - she must feel so rejected that he can’t care for her but can for other children (even if that’s not the reality and you do all the caring, it may be her perception). Sounds perfectly normal to be annoyed and she’s testing the boundaries by saying unkind things and making demands - checking to see if dad still loves her. He needs to find a way to show her that he does. Can he change work schedule? Come over during week to pick up for school and spend evening with her? Dedicated 1-1 time? At the moment he has gone from seeing her half of time to two days every 14, can you not see why she might want to say F off to him asking about Xmas?!

If my dad had decided he had to reduce the time I stayed with him because his 'work schedule' came first, yet managed to live with someone else's children full time, I think at 15 I'd have thought the least he could do was spend some money on me. Doesn't compensate for his time but it's better than nothing.

Be grateful that your children are polite, kind and well brought up. They are a credit to you.
His is a brat. See how that reflects on him and his parenting.

Your DH will need to do whatever it takes to mend the relationship. As I'm sure you would with yours when the time comes.

Why didn't you support him to maintain the 50/50 when his work schedule changed?

Teenage girls can be absolutely obnoxious sometimes, it’s just how they are. What I’m getting from the information you’re giving is that she feels totally unsure as to whether she is important or not so is being foully rude and pushing him away over Xmas to then see if he then gets her something she wants when she demands.

It’s not about Xmas, it’s not about the event that she sent a link for. It’s about where she is unsure where she fits in and doesn’t have the skills to navigate it all any other way. She is seeking reassurance. We had similar issues with DSDs. They just needed to know that DH wasn’t going to abandon or replace them and it wasn’t about them finding their place in a new family situation it was about ME knowing my place and prioritising them. I can tell you at times they were horrendous. I let DH deal with it and now I cannot explain what wonderful friends we are all and i adore them. We never bring up the past to them but there have been occasions they’ve been sad recalling things said or done to me and every time I say ‘forget it don’t worry I understood’ and you have to remember it will all get better ❤️‍🩹

She's angry with him.

It's a pretty unusual parent who accepts a work schedule, rather than declining because they wouldn't be able to see their DC.

What would happen if his ex did that?

15 is a horrible age to be especially for a girl. On top of that her Dad doesn't want her. You say he does but teenagers read actions above words.

You also sound like you are competing with her which is horrible and not a mature way to manage your relationship with her.

And this thread is the answer to that one below:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5190108-to-think-mn-is-horrible-about-blended-families?page=1

A 15-year-old hormonal teenager gets told by dad I want to reduce the time I see you due to my work , You have no say in this as I am the adult .
What a dick move !
Hormonal teenagers get an attitude and treats dad how she feels she's being treated, but you want her to be punished for swearing 🤬