To be sick of DSD double standards

The exact same tone and language in both threads. The fact op isn’t responding to other posts anymore apart from ones regarding the other thread speaks volumes.
It appears she has a vendetta or jealousy towards dsd. Dsd is her OH biological child and any genuine father will put his biological children first before stepchildren.

"Mumsnet is a website for parents, with around eight million unique users each month and around 20,000 posts on our forums every day"

8 million users, 20,000 posts every day but you're absolutely sure it's the same poster. Even if it was, who gives a shit?

His child, his money, his time, his decision.

It’s difficult. She shouldn’t be swearing at her father, obviously. But all behaviour is communicated. Why is she behaving like that and what is she trying to communicate?

I would guess anger and hurt at reduced contact with her father and the link to the event was a pretty transparent bid for more time and connection. Yes, your sons also really value him and the time they get to spend with him but relatively they get to see him a lot.

Remember, treating kids equally doesn’t always look like treating them the same depending on different needs and circumstances.

If you view the other thread, all children involved are the exact same age, holiday aligns with the one mentioned in this thread and other details also match. It’s very clear it’s the same poster using different usernames.

Even if it IS in some way better for the children to spend most of the time in one place - which it might be - of course they will be upset when it is presented to them that their dad's work takes priority over their time with him.

Well - there's an interesting thread on here about blended families and how well they work for the children.
Perhaps DSD is extremely upset about her Dad leaving the family home to live with another woman and her children, and then reducing her time with him abruptly from half the week to one weekend a fortnight. Perhaps she is expressing some of her upset by refusing to visit him and swearing at him.
DH is right to prioritise spending time with her on her terms and trying to reestablish their connection. Punishing her for swearing at him is not the point just now, and neither is being angry that your own plans were shelved.
I hope that their weekend away is some help.

Right, exactly what would the x not agreeing to it look like? She can't force him to take the kid more.

If my daughter's father decided that he only wanted to change the current arrangement obviously she's just going to be with me more, because she's my child and this is her home. I'm not going to say no and then just drop her off on his doorstep when he says he doesn't want to have her.

This is ridiculous. You seriously think that there's only one person on Mumsnet who ever wrote a thread about problems with a 15yo step-daughter?

You sound like such a kind stepmother, that's actually made me emotional to read 😢

You're right, 15 is such a crap age to be a girl and she's feeling rejected so pushing him away.

Two comment replies and then three comments addressing the other thread in six pages…

15 is a tricky age and it seems blinding obvious that she is hurt by the reduction from 50/50 to EOW. I see her point to be honest and she’s expressing her unhappiness about it the only way she knows how. You are pissed off at having one day of your plans with your DP cancelled when she’s had almost half her time with him taken from her. You sound like you are “that stepmother” to be honest.

I think you're pissed off that your campaign to manage his daughter out of the family has failed. He doesn't want to reject her and replace her with your children, however marvellous they are. He loves her and he wants a relationship with her (though he has a lot of making up to do if he wants her forgiveness for downgrading her to EOW). You will have to lump it, I'm afraid. She isn't going to disappear in a puff of smoke.

This 💯

Good god woman stop fibbing 🤣 it 100% is you. All the kids are the exact same genders and ages, your writing, grammar and the way you speak are all identical and your opinions of his daughter are exactly the same. Stop calling her your DSD. You don’t behave like a stepparent (well, you do behave like a wicked stepmother-and pound to a penny that’s what she calls you) Your marriage isn’t going to last much longer if you keep talking about his child so unfavourably to him. When push comes to shove, he will rightly choose her over you.
No point in name changing if you’re not going to change some details 🤣🤣

15 year old girls can be utter shits-especially to dads who are “absent” most of the time.
She is also not your daughter, and if you want to continue to have a happy marriage then you need to stay out of it. It’s not your place.
You’re also being unreasonable expecting him to treat your children the same or better than his own flesh and blood. They are not his kids. They are your kids and presumably have their own dad.
You don’t say how long you’ve been married, but have you ever thought maybe his daughter gets bad vibes from you and she’s not into playing happy families with his dad’s wife?
Many of us on here have step kids, you can only parent them if they let you, and you have a close relationship with them. My DH has two daughters aside from our DS. Both grown now, but one of them lived with us and I parented her, she treated me like an actual stepmum (she did not get along with her mother) the other did not live with us, we get on well, but I did not parent her. Her choice, and it worked fine because I respected her boundaries. The parenting was solely my DH and his EW job.
I get the feeling you’ve overstepped his daughters boundaries at some point and now she doesn’t enjoy being at yours

Who was involved in the discussion about how contact was changed? What say did the SC have in this discussion? What other alternatives were discussed? How were the SC told? What was your part in this, OP?

I wonder if you said you weren't willing to have the SC around so much because of your husband's work? Or whether this is how it was presented by your husband?

I'm not surprised the SD is angry and letting it put in this way. She's been treated terribly. Your husband sounds like he's desperate to do anything to keep contact going, which is fair enough because it's his responsibility and he has caused the rupture. You need to unknot your knickers about the swearing.

Maybe you could try to imagine how you might feel and how your joint children might feel, if your husband moves on to his next relationship and next set of children, and your children get similarly binned off.

I think stepmums often get treated badly on mumsnet. It really does grate though, when the stepmum is on mumsnet making excuses for deadbeat dad behaviour and trying to make him the victim of the situation.

Something has clearly happened which has upset her. Just to randomly respond to a question about Xmas like that. Maybe on holiday it brought home to her that her step siblings had more time with her df than she does, and after the holiday they get to go home with him and be with him the majority of the time, whilst she has to just be satisfied with the crumbs of every other weekend. . Her df needs to sit down with her one to one and just ask outright if there’s anything upsetting her. I was a dsd who had minimal contact with my df growing up, and it was hellish. I played up on a number of occasions because no-one actually had conversations with me, and I frequently sensed hostility from my step mum.

All behaviour is communication

I'd guess DSD feels rejected and responds by rejecting DH as a test of his commitment to her. I feel sad for her

I can understand you being concerned about DSD's behaviour being rewarded, as rudeness is not going to build better family relationships. However... like others have said , the priority seems to be ensuring DSD doesn't feel abandoned by her Dad. Can he use this trip to ask her what she feels about the changed contact and discuss solutions, rather than all the texting? If he waits until they're in a good mood and enjoying the day he'd also have a better chance of respectfully and calmly explaining that some of her behaviour isn't on. I wouldn't see it as a case of either calling out her behaviour or sympathizing. He can do both if he picks his time carefully, though it might need several conversations if she is feeling hurt and rejected. It does sound concerning that he is prioritizing work over time with her. If there really are reasons why EOW is better for her in some ways, then perhaps this needs more explanation and discussion with her than has happened so far? It's one thing temporarily accepting less time with your Dad for practical reasons but feeling he's still there for you and has you in mind when you're not together. It's another thing entirely, thinking you are not a priority in his life.

It’s pretty telling that the other thread being linked about a very, very similar scenario is pretty much the only comment the OP has come back to reply to, and not once but twice.

This OP crops up every few months.

Absolutely HATES the SD, her boys are perfect blah blah blah.

Partner is worse than useless, she keeps trying to force her boys on him even though the apparently have a fantastic dad.

And don't get me started on the vileness on the mum/ex wife.

Another spectacular example of blended families at their best... but of course the children all love it 😂😂😂

I do think he needs to parent better. Incidentally, I had much less time with my dad, but I was still expected to behave myself in my home with him. It's really bad parenting to opt out of setting boundaries because you don't want to be the bad guy with a child you see less.

I think his choice to set up a plan to see his children for the event is a good one, but a) he needs to communicate with you if he's changing a plan you had made together and b) it would be very reasonable to set an expectation over how she speaks to him before she gets an expensive treat.

God give me strength . They are all out today 🧌