To be sick of DSD double standards

Op doesn’t want to accept that this girl’s behaviour is anything to do with her husband or his poor choices.

You keep doing this op.

You keep comparing your dcs to her, despite the fact that she has every reason to be angry and upset, whereas yours did not. It's apples and oranges and not a viable comparison.

If your DH was still with his ex, then he'd be seeing his children pretty much every day of the year, crappy work schedule or not, and he'd just have to crack-on.

Are her step siblings with you at least 50% of their time? If yes, imagine how that looks to her... in the eyes of a hurt 15 year old girl, he can be in the same house as THEM for half the week, but he's too busy for his own daughter.

I'm not surprised that she's told him where to shove his Christmas spirit.

He sees his child 50 or so days a year because of his with schedule? She has every right to be hurt and angry.

Surely you are not seriously consider walking out without talking it all through with DH! Sit down together and discuss with each other/really listen to each other. You bot need to be clear about your thinking for both your own children and for your respective step children.

I do think SD is:

a) being a teenager ...
BUT
b) showing that she is unhappy about something around her dad; the relationship; time with him or whatever.

You're not going to address the main points are you?

Why did you post? To prove the stepfamily stereotype?

This very much- have some empathy op.
She's not in standard situation plus she's a teenager, cut her some slack.

And was your daughter access to you at 15 reduced to two /4 days a week. Was she left months without her parent?

No? I will be very honest I would welcome the cussing because that means she is reacting not burying the pain. The fact that this situation can leave life long impact appears to be so far from your realisation it's scary.

As a woman looking at fifty, this shit fucks you up for life. It destroys your self belief, it takes years of therapy. But hey she cussed at you.

*their

These threads I read, how do you you all manage it? Own children together, those from previous partners, stepchildren, stepchildren from previous partners? ♥️

Heck, I find it hard enough to keep up with my own. A logistical nightmare to me. X

I've not read all the replies so apologies if repeating but a couple of things jump out at me. You say your boys adore DH and DSD stopped communicating after you all went on holiday. Plus her contact with him has gone from 50/50 to EOW. I think you need to stop and really think how this is making her feel. DH needs to spend time with her and repair their relationship. she probably does feel as though you and your children have stolen her father. Then add in hormones and normal teenage behaviour. Please consider the child rather than your own feelings.

This.

She is old enough that she gets to swear a bit in her relationship with an adult who is treating her so poorly. You would likely swear too if your husband told you he was only going to see you every other weekend and some holidays.

he can only fix this with time and effort.

This. She is his daughter and teenagers can be very emotive. Important to remember that their father is not living with them and he will be on receiving end of emotions

What's weird is to just ignore it. Every part of me would have to ask ' what was that about '. ' what's going on that you swore like that at me' .

I will bet that he doesn't want to hear the truth so will sweep that right under the carpet. That is what is messed up more than anything. He might be great with your kids but is being a real horror to his daughter. Work commitments doesn't cut it

My ex was the same with his kids who didn't live with him. Whatever they wanted they got, he was buying their love and I hated it. They only came to see him to squeeze what they could put of him over a weekend, encouraged by their mother I might add so she didn't have to buy them anything with her maintenance money.

My SD is still like this now as an adult. She seems to think it’s acceptable for her to give us abuse and blame us for her actions one day and the next is asking for stuff without even an apology. Your DH needs to man up and say no

People seem to be assuming your DS s are his DSS s.....but I'm unsure.
If they are then there's no double standards he's just a petty naff parent....if they are his son's then he's a naff parent and has double standards.

I would say I'd either pull DSS up about the swearing straight away or let it slide. I wouldn't make a note to be rehashed at a later time.

You’re absolutely desperate to paint the daughter in a poor light, aren't you op? If your husband was a full time dad to his children, he’d have no choice but to make it work. No excuse.

He hasn't seen her since June. He has prioritized his work over his children, being responsible for them only 4 days out of the month like they are optional. She must feel very rejected that he thinks this is acceptable (and you think playing happy families with your kids is a positive, this is even worse for her!) and then when she wants to go somewhere with him, you think he should punish her for saying one swear word, and that he should prioritize whatever he has planned with you - who he lives with and sees every day. Poor girl.

Again, where does it say that he is working more?

It says:

"but due to DH work schedule him and his ex agreed it wasn’t working for children"

You are making an assumption that he is not able to have his kids more as he is choosing to work more hours. Work schedule could also mean a change in working hours, or not being able to WFH any more.

They have made a decision on what is best for the kids. Yes the kids might want to see their dad more but it's clearly not what works best. Separation is tough but you have to put the kids needs first, and stability is important.

An active choices on Dad's part? Again, it says "him and his ex agreed" which means it's a decision they both made, not just the dad.

@TwinklyAmberOrca the fact is that the father is working more so wasn't seeing his kids. To such an extent that it's better for the kids to be with their mum. That's an active choice on Dad's part.