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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this sexist?

66 replies

WillLiveLifeAgain · 20/10/2024 07:01

I work for a small but very successful building contractor. I cover everything office based, all accounting, logistics, transport, HR - a very varied role. I am also the only female in the firm. This is relevant.

I’m regularly required on site for progress reports and client meetings. I have a great relationship with the team of builders. We banter but it’s respectful. One thing that irritates me, one or two of the team usually ask me if I’ve brought the biscuits/ice creams when I visit sites.

Full disclosure - for client meetings I usually organise refreshments and make the tea for the meeting attendees, ie client, architect, my boss, etc. The building team don’t attend. I’m very happy to do this as part of my role.

AIBU to feel the comments from the team are sexist and they wouldn’t say this if a man was in my role?

OP posts:
purplebeansprouts · 20/10/2024 07:44

WillLiveLifeAgain · 20/10/2024 07:39

I think the meeting element is causing confusion. I do supply refreshments for meetings.

The area I’m feeling is sexist is when I turn up on site to carry out a brief task (no meeting). I’m there to do a job, much like they are. They don’t ask each other if they’ve brought the cakes in.

Then clarify this. Say no this is part of my role for meetings, I don't just wander around with biscuits.

Original poster
WillLiveLifeAgain · 20/10/2024 07:39

I think the meeting element is causing confusion. I do supply refreshments for meetings.

The area I’m feeling is sexist is when I turn up on site to carry out a brief task (no meeting). I’m there to do a job, much like they are. They don’t ask each other if they’ve brought the cakes in.

OP posts:
Lost77 · 20/10/2024 07:39

I'm not sure I regularly have meetings on building sites as a woman and it's not uncommon for me to have a bit of banter with the guys and ask the site manager where he keeps the biscuits.

Nourishinghandcream · 20/10/2024 07:36

Don't see it as an issue.
You are office based and they are not, IME the office based staff are always expected to provide refreshments for contractors/field staff. A visit to Greggs on the way to site was obligatory.
We had engineers/contractors in our office all the time and almost the first thing they asked was where the tea & sandwiches were (and ice creams in the summer). This was directed to whoever they came across first whether they be M or F.

Original poster
WillLiveLifeAgain · 20/10/2024 07:18

Completelyjo · 20/10/2024 07:15

I wouldn’t say it’s automatically a sexist thing. My DH is an architect and brings donuts when he visits site. The expectation to bring something is there.

I agree and for site meetings I do. But what I’m talking about is a quick ad hoc site visit where I’m there to take a meter read or take a couple of photos for the client.

OP posts:
autumn1610 · 20/10/2024 07:16

I work in construction and it’s hit and miss. A lot of the sites I go to the site manager does the biscuits/teas/breakfast rolls not someone from the office team. I find it more sexist in the office (more so in my previous role) that I’m looked at to make teas/coffes etc. in my current I will sort out lunch etc but more as part of my role

Original poster
WillLiveLifeAgain · 20/10/2024 07:16

“Not the worst thing they could say”

No it’s not, but does that make it right?

None of the males in the company get asked this.

OP posts:
Completelyjo · 20/10/2024 07:15

I wouldn’t say it’s automatically a sexist thing. My DH is an architect and brings donuts when he visits site. The expectation to bring something is there.

changedname1979 · 20/10/2024 07:13

As a male with lots of experience with factory and site visits, trust me this gets said to males in similar roles to you.

EnterFunnyNameHere · 20/10/2024 07:12

I know not work culture in the same, but I also work in a company that has site work (albeit not builders!) and the jokey expectation is that when office folk go to site they buy the biscuits/lunch. It's all pretty light humoured, and not sexist where I am as I've seem it happen to men plenty of times!

JMSA · 20/10/2024 07:12

'Nope, that's for client meetings only.'

Boredlass · 20/10/2024 07:10

I don’t see it as sexist at all

DustyLee123 · 20/10/2024 07:08

You don’t know that they wouldn’t say it to a man who organises refreshments and makes tea as part of their role.

JeanLundegaard · 20/10/2024 07:07

Not the worst thing a team of builders could say. Yes it’s sexist but I’d reply with something like I thought you knew I was coming today and you were getting cakes in.

whatdoidonowffs · 20/10/2024 07:07

In my experience site people always ask office based people if they’re buying the breakfasts/getting the biccies in
probably more of an office / site thing than a sexist thing

Crazyeight · 20/10/2024 07:06

Yes it is but what to do? Knowing the culture of the building trade they wont learn or respond to any reprimand in a kind way. Your best bet is probably just to give back "no my little lady hands couldn't hold the heavy kettle"

I would probably stop making the tea for clients though. You're there for your expertise not tea. Of they want tea then they'll need to employ an assistant (I'd hire a male intern!)

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