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Original poster

How long to calm down after an argument

63 replies

spanieleyes22 · 20/10/2024 04:53

Just wondering is there a norm for this. Am waiting for someone to calm down after we had n argument. They said they would be in touch when they calmed down: how long would it take you. For me 24 hours or less and I'm usually over something like that. Maybe other people hold onto the anger for longer though. Not saying either is good or bad just wondering what's your timescale like. Can't sleep. Again 🙈

OP posts:
GiraffeTree · 20/10/2024 07:12

I don't think this is reasonable on their part. Needing to spend several days "calming down" tips into sulking or giving you the silent treatment IMO.

If you're in a relationship with this person, would your consider couples counselling? Improving your communication skills and conflict resolution techniques is something that a good therapist would definitely be able to help you with.

autienotnaughty · 20/10/2024 07:08

I would say this isa control thing. They want you to feel suitably punished before contacting you. Next time you row you will be more careful so not to be cast out.

I wouldn't like this , I'm all for giving someone space after a row but not days.

MoveToParis · 20/10/2024 06:08

Are you in a relationship with them? I would block and forget they exist.

I would definitely end the relationship and be very clear that their multi-day sulk isn’t something that will be part of your life. The pathetic attempt at punishing you is also something you don’t want, and if it genuinely takes him this long to calm down then he is not the right person for you.

Thevelvelletes · 20/10/2024 06:06

Of course your feelings are valid.good luck op .. perhaps you don't need this person in your life.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 20/10/2024 06:01

Yes it's interesting. When it first happened I was desperate to talk about it and resolve things and I apologized for my part but since getting their txt on Fri saying they don't want to discuss it or talk about anything etc I've come to realize maybe this person isn't as nice as I had thought. I feel this could go on for weeks but we shall see. I mean can an argument be just one persons fault I'm wondering now. Obvs if it's cheating on ur partner or something like that but this argument was building for a few weeks from my POV but they don't want to hear anything from me. I apologized and took the blame for everything but am thinking now that I should be allowed express what I was feeling and what built up to it

OP posts:
Journeyintomelody · 20/10/2024 05:49

I second @Thevelvelletes . This is a control tactic.

Thevelvelletes · 20/10/2024 05:46

That's playing games with you in my opinion.
I'm sorry this person is doing this to you because their behaviour towards you is having an impact on you..IE not sleeping etc.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 20/10/2024 05:37

They sent me a txt on Fri just saying they did not want to discuss anything or talk about the argument. That they needed to wait until they calm down.

OP posts:
Journeyintomelody · 20/10/2024 05:34

Minutes. It usually takes 10 minutes of quite reflection to realise that being in a grump is worse than getting along and being happy. 30 minutes if I was raging!

Shoxfordian · 20/10/2024 05:33

It sounds like they're giving you the silent treatment under the guise of needing to calm down, since Wednesday is ridiculous to not speak to you.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 20/10/2024 05:28

I'm still awake I went to bed around 11 🙈

OP posts:
Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 20/10/2024 05:27

Yeh I might take a couple of hours . This person has been calming down since wed teatime. Long time - feels long to me tbh

OP posts:
Thevelvelletes · 20/10/2024 05:14

I'm in the minutes category after I calm down revisit the reason for a row and sort it out amicably for a solution that suits both of us.