How long to calm down after an argument

Depends on the context of the argument and what has happened

Exactly this. And if she doesn't get in touch just accept the friendship is over. (Since you've already apologised there's nothing more you can do and nothing else you need to reproach yourself for.)

Immediate anger can take about 20 minutes, but for something serious and where hurt feelings are involved, it might take a couple of weeks.

leave your friend be for now, and let her get in touch when she is ready.

It can typically be a few days for me, depending on the level of hurt.

Dh seems to be able to move on in a matter of hours.

FIL said some horrible things to DH and its taking me ages to get over that...like months. Don't think I'll ever forget it.

But if you are always the one to apologise and they feel they never do anything wrong or never take accountability...you might be waiting. If you have apologised, I'm not sure what else you can do.

How frequently have you tried to contact her since Wednesday?

I think that’s what you (and I, not saying this isn’t me) get for being a people pleaser.

People like this drop you very quickly and often painfully - and in a long, drawn out way - if you then say boo to them. Or don’t go along with their crap.

And they wouldn’t do that if you’d been boundaried and shown yourself as knowing your own worth to begin with.

People pleasers never seem to please, in short.

This!

I has this situation with a long term (now X) friend and she had been such a shit from day 1 I met her the last time she manufactured a situation that made me look like a prat was the very last straw.

Ordinarily I take a few minutes to calm down but sometimes it can be a few days if it's bad enough

That’s not calming down, as other say, that’s the silent treatment.

I’m a quick calmer downer even if I can lose my temper in the moment. I value that quality in others, ie being able to calm down and not hold a massive grudge (esp if something was fairly 50:50 in the first place)

@spanieleyes22 but is it the same woman you already have threads about the ghosting/fall out?

. I think resentment can build if one person refuses to engage.
Why does that matter if the other party doesn't want to engage?
"I'm not going to like you if you don't want to be my friend"?🙄

Well if you've never had conflict before and it's you apologising, you've clearly done something to really upset them or piss them off or betray their trust.

So to be honest I would give them as long as they need, at least a week or two, and let them think things through. The ball is in their court and they'll message when they're ready.

If you're not willing to wait and are going to be petty and block them because they haven't replied in time then that's your choice.

Leave them to it and please don’t make yourself ill worrying about it.

She should have thanked you for your apology even if she wasn't/isn't ready to talk to you yet. You wrote that she told you that she "needed to wait until she calms down" and that could well be because she's worried about starting the argument all over again. However, I'm afraid the action of blocking you is probably your answer - I'm not sure she's ever going to be ready to talk to you again. Sorry OP.

But this sounds like you want to open it up again, when you say both people should ‘say their truth’. That might be something she doesn’t have the energy to deal with, as if you’re at an impasse it probably means going round in circles again, and is a bit different from saying sorry and moving on. I had a friend who kept wanting to ‘resolve’ an argument about something that was completely abstract for her and very personal for me, and although I would have been happy to agree to disagree she couldn’t drop it and we’re not friends anymore.

I do think it depends what was said. A very old friend of mine said something in a heated moment about a miscarriage I had and it literally took me months before I could even look at her without wanting to claw her eyes out, so I respectfully asked for space and time to process and that I'd talk to her when I felt ready emotionally to have that conversation without it descending into tears and shouting.

So if you said or did something really heinous I think it's fair enough to leave the ball in their court until they're ready. If you were arguing over whether to get chips or a curry then they're being a bellend.

Ah yes I remember. In her other thread OP said the friend had said she was too intense or something similar? If I recall correctly.

I remember this now, is this the third thread about the same friend or 3 different friends?

I don't see this as a control thing at all. I calm very quickly myself, but Dh needs ages, and friends I know need many days to calm down and process it all.

As many pp, depends what it's about, and how often things like this have happened.
I had a friend who was always being rude, bitchy under the guise of 'joking' who would then 'apologise' and expect everything to be all OK again straight away.

To be honest, if your friend not contacting you is taking up this much of your headspace to the point that it's effecting your sleep then maybe you aren't as calm about the argument as you think.

A previous poster mentioned advice often seen on here to wait a couple of weeks before getting in touch with people. Why not set a reminder in your phone to check in with friend two or three weeks after you had the argument? Then you can put it out of your mind until then and concentrate on other areas of your life.

Depends what was said. Something minor and I would expect it to be resolved with reasonable speed.

You're not required to wait for this person to calm down, but similarly they are not required to calm down on your timescale.

What happened?

I wouldn’t block but obviously this will shape your opinion of her and your future relationship with her. Just don’t get over invested in her again to the point where what she thinks is so important you lose sleep over it.
When / if she gets in touch again don’t be over keen to reply asap. Something like this would make me very guarded going forward in order to avoid getting hurt again.